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Just found out today from his new girlfriend of 2 years. He strangled her and held her at knifepoint twice- once in March once in December. She got back with him after the first incident and he got counselling. The second time she was hospitalised and the injuries caused a miscarriage. He's been denied bail and is awaiting trial. She is still considering getting back with him if it "feels safe". She has a 6 year old daughter. Of course I told her to leave and that she doesn't deserve to be treated like this. She still thinks that he can change if he gets "the help that he needs" and that he "snaps and becomes a different person" when he physically abuses her, however the verbal abuse is a constant of their relationship. I don't think he can be helped. This is who he is and concious choices that he made.
I dated him for 6 months in 2019. I made a lot of mistakes pre-FDS. We took things way too fast and moved in together after a month. He was verbally and emotionally abusive throughout the relationship. He had delusions of grandeur and some beliefs that were truly psychotic and disconnected from reality (eg. he believed that he was a God and destined to be the dictator of the world- at first I thought he was joking). He was misogynistic and held a lot of MRA beliefs, like getting hit in the balls is worse than childbirth, the patriatchy doesn't exist, and fathers should always get custody. However he had many good qualities that my other boyfriends didn't have- he contributed equally towards the housework/cooking/errands, he could be emotionally supportive and caring when he wanted to be, he was good in bed. This led me to see him with rose coloured glasses- never again. The day I broke up with him, he was verbally abusing me in the car in front of my son because I didn't want to call his workplace for him. I said enough is enough I don't want my child exposed to this. He continued to hang around and abuse me for another couple of months before I managed to kick him out. It was incredibly hard to get him to leave and I was scared of him and the way he behaved- I thought he was going to hurt me. Turns out he might have and I was lucky that he didn't.
It just goes to show- abuse escalates. Verbal and emotional abuse becomes physical. Once an abuser always an abuser. I hope his girlfriend gets out. I haven't had another relationship since him and I don't think I ever will- all of my boyfriends in adulthood have been abusers. It really scars you.
I'm really sorry that you had to deal with that abusive ahole. I'd like to reccomend Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, its incredible and really helped to refine and reframe my understanding of the the psychology of abusers. It counters several myths like the one his new gf mentions. Perhaps if you read it and find value in it, you could recommend it to her too?
I’m glad you got away. It’s sad his current gf didn’t. If she keeps taking him back he’s going to kill her. He’s crossed some literally criminal boundaries and she took him back —he will have zero respect or regard for her now which puts her in even greater danger. She needs to talk to a women’s shelter ASAP. They are trained to unbrainwash abused women. They could really help her —even just with counseling and a safety plan (she doesn’t have to stay with them).
What is it with the god / dictator delusion in men? I’ve met so many scrotes with the same delusion. Some are better at keeping it to themselves than others… but SO MANY think they are a secret genius who should be in charge of the world with zero evidence that it’s true. If you want to weed out these sociopaths put on you cool girl voice and playfully ask a man you’re dating what they would do if they ruled the world. If they’ve really thought about it in detail you are in for a 100 page essay. Nod and smile, then run and block.
He is mentally ill in addition to being a scrote. Dangerous delusions need medication, therapy will not be enough. He will end up murdering somebody if he doesn't.
Hugs to you, what a scary situation. These are such difficult realizations you’ve had. Not everyone has the wisdom you do to see the patterns of abuse. He sounds like a predator who rushes the pace of the relationship and lovebombs single mothers before starting up with verbal devaluation that escalates. You escaped a very dangerous man. Thank you so much for sharing how you figured it out. 👑
So sorry. Also thank God. Look at the bullet you dodged. Your situation seems eerily familiar to mine with Harvard Scrote. The devaluation starts early. I wish you love✨.
I think I read somewhere that if a man strangles or chokes you, you'll face an 800% increased chance of him murdering you in the near future. I hope to God she doesn't go back to him, but if she does, I'm afraid it is not going to end well for her at all. I'm just glad you got out in time before he tried to kill you!
Can you recommend FDS to this woman? Maybe all she needs is time and space to read this forum on her own. To really gain the wisdom of women here. If she has an internet connection, she could check out the guidebook. (You don't have to give her your username if you don't feel comfortable with that.)
I also suggested FDS to a woman I knew from online and I knew she was struggling with romantic relationships with men. I didn't give her my username here. Just sent her a link to the subreddit back when FDS was on reddit. I don't know if she started using FDS. But at least she knows this place exists if she needs support and guidance.
That poor lady--she is completely brainwashed