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Just a follow up to this post.
My life has significantly improved after finding and applying FDS principles because I'm no longer a "nice" people pleaser. I now have the confidence to walk out on dates if I don't like my date. A guy asked me to dinner about two months ago. I accepted. When I got there , I smiled and greeted him ,and he didn't even greet me back! He just stated "this place sucks. They don't have good food or wine." His tone was rude as well. He picked the place 🤷. I simply turned around walked back to my car and drove off. I didn't feel upset or angry, I felt nothing, and ended up having a good night after ditching my date. It's not my job to explain to a grown man that it's polite to greet me back and then ask if we could meet at a nearby place with better food or wine. A month before this, I ghosted a guy who expected me to pay for some of the food on a third date and suggested that I plan the forth date. I no longer feel like I owe a man anything if he pays for my dinner. A wise FDSer once said, "a man paying for dinner does not equal consent".
Presently there is not a single scrote in my contacts. I'm not texting anyone, I don't online date. All the men in my contacts are family members and work colleagues. I have never been so serene or at peace in my entire life. Or at least not since childhood.
I stand up for myself at work and I'm happier because of it. I have aggressively called out and stood up to extended family who were abusive, cruel and disrespectful to me. I've had to build a bitch switch and learn to flip it when necessary. All my LV friends sort of fell away after I leveled up. I stopped paying for people when we go out. I just tell them I can only afford to cover my own bills.
I'm working on setting financial boundaries with my immediate family. I've stopped lending extended family money, even if they "claim" it's an emergency. I always have an excuse ready. I started making my miser cousins pay their share of bills during outings. I've stopped letting family from other countries bring their friends over to stay rent free with me on 1-2 month long holidays where I paid all the grocery bills, drove them everywhere and paid utilities).
Nobody can make me feel insecure for being single anymore. In my culture, there's a lot of pressure to get married in your mid 20s. I felt very unbothered by family members who kept trying to bother me about marriage this weekend. I'm financially independent, so nobody can use finances to bend me to their will.
FDS has made me realise that I'm more confident and happy being single. I've worked too hard and come too far to ever let a man derail my life , shatter my mental health and make me unhappy ever again.
I'm not perfect and I'm still working on getting my life back on track, overcoming my depression and picking up the pieces from when my life got derailed by my ex narc. I'm staying celibate.
But thanks to FDS it's easier for me to get over men and crushes. I'm more easily turned off by red flags, I honour my initiation. I doubt I'll be in a relationship again but if I do, the most important thing I've gained from FDS is the ability to leave at the drop of a hat and get over a man in no time. I will validate my own feelings and acknowledge it's ok to feel disappointed if a man is not HV. But I will NOT stay. I'm aware that most men a LV and I'm 100% fine, happy and at peace with staying single and celibate if I never meet a HVM. My world no longer centers around men. It centres around my own happiness.
👑 Major QUEEN energy! So proud of you. This is exactly what FDS embodies.
Preddit calls us hateful femcels... No we are just learning to meet our own needs and protect our peace from LVMs and anything else that detracts from our happiness. We unapologetically put ourselves as the main character of our story. We don't hate men because we don't prioritize male opinions and attitudes in our life.
I can feel the joy radiating from your post, OP. This was so awesome to read, thank you and congrats. These posts are a reminder why we're here
You gain a lot of self respect when you walk away from bad people and prevent more future abuse. I’m happy to cut anyone out of the (un)supporting roles in my life too.
I love this for you!!! This is precisely why I love FDS. It has helped all of us immensely setting boundaries and refusing to engage in harmful behavior (casual sex with scrotes, decentering males from our lives, seeking male validation, etc).
I used to crush on men SO easily and it was a problem. Nowadays I can even look at even the hottest celebrity and feel repulsed because of the way he speaks about women or hygiene in interviews. I view most men as literal jokes and their scrotey behavior as clownish
This is what most men look like in my eyes nowadays 🤣
This type of posts are my favourite to read on here! It's so motivating to hear about other women's successes and happiness.
Good on you for setting boundaries and not letting people use you for free labour/ money anymore!
I am so happy that FDS has helped you. It's the same for me. I'm working on no longer being a people-pleaser. I'm believing in myself. I'm letting go of the shame of being single. I'm realizing that I can create a beautiful life on my own, that romance does not complete me, that gaining male validation is not why I was put on this earth. FDS has shown me what to look for in a good man. I know that I deserve a mutual, loving, caring relationship from an emotionally mature man. If I never find that, then I'll stay single. I will never allow a man to cause me to have a breakdown ever again. Wishing you great things on your leveling up journey.
Wow , I loved reading this. I’m earlier on in my journey but am feeling more peace since going low contact only for last 2 months w narc ex (emails only re children). Despite heading to court soon for custody (ex is also drug addict now), I am feeling optimistic and at peace knowing I’m putting me and my kids first. I’m getting back on track financially too and am feeling good about getting back to my true values (physician, narc ex is scrote underemployed, uneducated and bullied me into unfair divorce agreement). So I’m fortunate to be in a position where I can dig myself out of the hole, so to speak, by working more (plan to do more night shifts so I can be with my kids most of the time when they’re awake). Once you start seeing them for who they are, it’s hard to imagine ever getting back into a relationship. It’s so incredibly risky. He nearly destroyed me. I think hvm are very rare.
I feel very lucky and happy to have found this community. fds has given me a lot.
I'm so proud of you.
Beautiful post. I'm happy for you. You're killing it!