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I've been on FDS for over a year now (just migrated from Reddit, thank god that's over) and I've been noticing a particular set of behaviors in men I've dated while applying FDS principles and wanted to share them with you.
When they set up a date, they'll notify you of every little thing they do. I received updates when: they first called the restaurant to make reservations and no one picked up, they called the second time to make reservations, they looked at the menu in advance and decided what they wanted to get, they're looking for places nearby that might be of interest ...etc.
On the date, they send constant messages to let you know where they are at all times. I received several texts on the day of when: they're getting ready to leave the house, when they're in the car, when they're in the parking lot, when they arrived and got a table for us. I had no time to respond to any of these anyway because I was driving to the place myself??
I get how this removes possible ambiguity and may be comforting to someone who is terrified of getting ghosted/stood up. But to me, it just feels like they are asking for a pat on the head for every little action they take. It's not like they were asking me any legitimate questions. Just. constant. updates.
I like to lean back and vet for competency and organization skills, not micromanage them. Anyone encounter men like this?
It could also be him trying to condition you to provide your own every-move status updates or text him continually
I used to plan dates, or when men ask me what I'd like to do make a specific suggestion or a specific day. I resisted advice from Not Your Mother's Rules book (Ellen Fein Sherry Schneider- original 90s fds style Queens) that says as much- don't even lift a finger to plan. I thought... Isn't that a little extreme? But every time I plan a date with a man, he either flakes, shows up lack luster energy and uses his phone, wants to pay half etc. I have learned that the men who really want to see you will say "when can I see you? How about Friday night?" I still will suggest something I like to do but vaguely because sometimes men are a little nervous about impressing you, but usually a man who's interested will ask you to a meal or event, etc. It does give me "mommy plans my playdates" vibes when he can't plan a basic date. I think of it this way: does he have a job? Yes? Then it means he's capable of picking up the phone and schedule and time, place and showing up on time. If he's unemployed, don't date him anyway lol.
I had one guy ask me to be his personal assistant and manage his whole life because that was part of his submission fetish. He offered to pay me for it too. He also had his close female friend text me from his phone because of his “social anxiety.”
Talk about high maintenance. This sounds like way too much work.
I’m a big believer that excessive texting (in a dating context) is about developing a false sense of intimacy. Be wary.
It could just be that they want to reassure you or even show they’re eager to see you. I think it becomes problematic if he expects you to respond in a way which validates him… after all getting from point A to point B shouldn’t require much approval