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I saw an Instagram post from a friend in high school who posted a photo of herself in her new home in the US. One of the many comments was from a guy in high school that was her friend and mine. In high school, he liked her and asked her out but she rejected him. All throughout high school, he remained friends with her but always showed signs of still being interested in her which of course, is not unusual with guys because men's sexual interest in a woman is constant until they both die or the woman becomes less attractive in the man's eyes. In high school, I remember him doing and saying things to impress her constantly and when he and I would have conversations, I noticed how he'd always find ways to talk about her. I'd tease him that he must still like her to be talking about her that much and he'd laugh and say that he was no longer interested in her. Many times, when he and I would be talking or hanging out with our other friends with this female friend in the mix, he'd ignore the rest of us to talk to her only.
The last time he and I spoke on the phone, which was up to 2 years ago, he was telling me what this friend of ours was getting up to. I asked him how he knew and if he and her talked over the phone and he said that he knew what she was doing from following her posts on social media. Now get this.............this guy has a girlfriend that he's been with for up to at least 4 years. They live together, have pets and essentially function like a married couple and yet, he's still thinking and talking about a girl that rejected him years ago. It reduced my opinion of him and I've since decided to not talk to him at all.
I say all this to say that we must always remember that for some odd reason, men don't move on from rejection. They can be in relationships with women that are devoted to them and they'll still obsess, pine over and think about one woman that didn't give them the time of day. This male friend gave me the impression that if our friend said she'd be interested in being with him, he'd drop his long-term girlfriend to be with her. It's pathetic and one of the many things men do that is so off-putting to me.
Look out for this behaviour in men. If a man is talking about a woman, it's because he's thinking about her and if he's talking about her incessantly, he wants to be with her. Since men are focussed on sex a lot of the time, he will only want to sleep with the woman he's pining over but whatever his plan is with her, it simply means that she is more important to him than you are.
Spot on.
My ex constantly talked about his ex. I CoMmUnIcAtED that I didn't like it, and he just did it more and in front of my friends so I couldn't call him on it. My logic was "if you're always talking about pizza, it's reasonable one might assume you'd like pizza or are always thinking about it".
[Enter gaslighting and triangulation]
My instinct KNEW this wasn't ok, but I was too insecure and too much of a pick me to stand up for myself. I wish I had dumped his ass the first time. Never again. Never, never.
Men like this are broken. I had an ex like that who pined for his best friends sister his whole life and didn’t tell me Until very late. I would have thrown the whole relationship out early if I had just known. Figured it out after meeting with his friends group and he ignored me while flirting with her in front of me.
the thing is-if these women EVER expressed any interest back to these men who are obsessed with them, I guarantee you the man would lose interest right there and then. It doesn’t make sense, thus one of the many many reasons most men are so frustrating. I truly feel I have been punished just for liking a man back after he tried and tried to pursue me for months, and I finally decided to give them a chance. They totally love women more the less interested she is.
I just saw a Seinfeld episode the other day where George decides that he has met the perfect woman because of her complete lack of interest in him. It is unfortunately a very common way for men to operate and a definite sign of him being LV.
This is so scary to me because if he doesn’t speak to his GF about the other girl then how could she ever vet for something like that? I’m really scared I’ll end up with a guy who is playing HVM but secretly still stalks his ex/past rejections.
The fact that they’re not married after 4 years tells you he’s still waiting in the hopes the friend from school will come running.
There's nothing romantic about what he's doing on top of that. I hate how women out there think it's so funny or great to be a man's one-that-got-away because it feels good to know that someone will always love you no matter how many years it's been or how much distance there is between the two of them. Men like this can be jealous and incredibly violent.
My biggest ick will always be the man who seem to be too closely obsessed with another woman, whether it's an old flame or a super close female friend. I'm not here to compete or to make him realize that I'm the one for him. That's not my job and it's an insta-dump from me.
Wow suddenly something from college makes sense now! I was an undergrad, very young, and went out once with this guy. It was a driving around date (with a stranger… no clue back then!). We saw Christmas lights and he talked endlessly about this one woman. No matter how I re-directed he came back to her. I knew this wasn’t rational but beyond that I didn’t know where the behavior came from. Thank you for this. I love it when things click into place!
I got very close with a man who opened up to me about a lot of personal things. He shared that he had developed limerence for his coworker and had a full blown obsession with her.
They followed each other across social media. I don't know if she has any idea. She obviously wasn't interested in him that way, but he was still pining after her while I was right there offering support, kindness, care, and attention, and yet even though we talked every day and had so much in common and he could tell I was crazy about him, he was not open to me or interested.
He'd rather have an imaginary relationship with her in his head and like her posts and give her attention (while he ignored me) than to see the value of a woman right in front of him who wanted to know him and connect to him.
My feelings became too intense (limerence) and he ended up ghosting me while he still follows her. I know, it's all for the best. I don't deserve to be second to his fantasy woman. How can any woman compete with an imaginary woman that these men prefer ?
I wonder if any future girlfriend of his will ever know he was obsessed with this woman for years and he's probably still dreaming about her and wishing he could have her but if she did show interest in him (like i did) he'd probably scurry away so fast. They always want what they can't have.
I've been lurking FDS for a very long time (back when it was on Reddit), but this post prompted me to finally make an account. I hate how much of myself I see here. My last ex was just like this, and although I never told him how much I found out when I left him, it still hurts to think about. I thank FDS for showing me the power of block+delete, but I truly wish there was more to completely erase these pathetic animals from my mind. I will never forgive him for how he treated me, because I unknowingly wasn't the one he actually wanted. It's a special kind of pain and anger when you find out.
Watch Wuthering Heights from 1939 with Lawrence Olivier if you want to see the extent to which a man will go once being rejected and how he’ll destroy any woman who’s not the one he wanted. Absolutely crazy.
It's scary that you can sometimes be in a whole ass relationship with a man like this and not know that he secretly pines over another woman :( . Gives me yet another reason to stay single.
I get this feeling a lot when I'm seeing someone. Usually it is an ex who dumped him or a chick he was talking to before me that ghosted him. They talk about that person in random moments.