Men who don't put their dirty clothes in the clothes basket

I was so disgusted when I went back to college and had my now ex-husband watch the kids. He was only alone with them for maybe 5 hours a day, at most- but he would absolutely destroy the house. He wouldn't feed the kids actual meals- he'd just plop them in front of the TV with a bowl of junk food. And the messes he and the kids made! Absolutely ridiculous. It was what finally awakened me to the reality of the situation- I'd convinced myself he was a loving father that was doing his part in the family. But the truth was, I was the only one keeping things afloat.

Unfortunately I think they’re just messy. Because even when they don’t live with women their clothes are strewn everywhere. I do agree it’s disrespectful to do this in a shared space. It’s so simple and easy I don’t get how they just unclothe themselves, step over them and continue with their day.

There is nothing like having honest married friends to make you totally content with being single. One married friend has a husband who never gets her flowers, gifts, or takes her on vacation. Another married friend has a husband who she makes more money than and she has to prompt him to do everything--put his underwear in the basket, go to church with her, get his drivers license, sign up for college classes, etc. Another married friend out-earned her husband so he had to become a stay at home dad when she had her baby. Another friend out-earned her husband so she kept her separate finances and made him pay the electricity/water/grocery bills when he moved in with her (lol). The men aren't bringing a lot to the table these days.

Not that I would ever move in with a guy again, but if I was living with one right now and he would have his shit flying around everywhere I wouldn’t pick up after him. He’s an adult and I’m not his maid. I like minimalism and I’m super clean. It would be an absolute nightmare for me to have someone in my home who’s trashing it. Come to think of it, I would probably love to burn his stuff and get it out of the way haha

First husband! I was a sleepwalking pickme who wanted to be rewarded with a ring. Moved in, no marriage, no date so live and learn. He was 10 years older and probably just thought it was time to get married and I was convenient. I knew from single digits I wanted to be married so I was all in even if he wasn’t. We lived together 3.5 years and were married 3.5 years so most of my 20s. He gave me sex three times in three years. Constantly sarcastic which I hated, told him, over-communicated, he never stopped because he didn’t care. To this day I hate “pa-dum-pum” jokes that fall flat. Ugh. He was a campus cop but he collected guns so I never felt safe. He was never physically abusive but emotionally negligent since I believe he was/is asexual and aromantic and he had an avoidant attachment style. He had significant abuse and trauma from his family (left home at 17) and he never dealt with it.

During this time I got my needs met mostly online through cyber and phonesex. I even stepped out a couple of times (not proud of that) because I needed touch and I needed to be desired as a woman. Absolutely nothing I said or did enticed him. He wanted nothing to do with me sexually and it PISSED me off. I had never had that before!

We finally had one awful argument and I was just done. Cold, zero feelings. I went to bed and said “I divorce you” to myself three times. The next day I bought a small notebook, inventoried my possessions, and made an exit plan. Bought a couple of divorce books too. Reached out to my dad and brother for help. Every single weekend I’d take some of my possessions from the house and spend Friday night to Sunday afternoon at my sister’s house out of town. I also bought everything I would need for a household. And I stopped cleaning, cooking or doing anything wifey. He always said it was “his” house, never our house - bitch please, it was the landlord’s house! He begrudged me any space; I had an armchair in a corner, barely room for my books. Eventually the house stank and it was a Pyrrhic victory but worth it just to stop and just take care of myself. I cooked and cleaned just for me and it enraged me that he seemed relieved to live as roommates. Did not shed a tear the day I separated and then divorced. Oh and did I mention, a few months after I separated I got a six-figure inheritance from a late great aunt and he got none of it. In Louisiana that’s private property not community. It enabled me to move to LA, take a year off and decide what I wanted to do career wise, and buy my condo that Jack and I lived in for 17 years.

I was recently thrown out of a Facebook group for making a comment on a post. A woman took a photo of a bed that had been made by her partner and how “proud” she was that he made the bed 😂😂😂 Wtaf! I said “oooooh so amazing does he have a sticker chart too?” He’s a grown ass man with a job and you congratulate him on making a bed which was not even as good as my 8 year old son makes. I was also accused of being jealous by the pick me’s! Seriously if I have to post a comment for thousands of people to read about a grown man making his own bed - then jeez the bar hell!

Personally haven't experienced this but I would see it as a ~relationship quirks lol~ trend on Tiktok / IG Reels all the time. Weaponized incompetence fuels my 'living apart together' preference.

I have had that experience. I finally realized that he enjoys living like that. Therefore he can do his own laundry and pick up after himself while I pretend it doesn't exist. Save your mental energy for yourself by taking yourself out of the situation. If he complains tell him he can spend money for a cleaner to come in once or twice weekly.

I remember back at uni I had some awful flatmates. They "borrowed" my stuff but never cleaned it, the kitchen was always a tip. I ended up keeping my stuff in my bedroom. One day I just got completely fed up and put all their crap in big bags and took it out. If it's been out for weeks and collecting mould I would never use it again - so gross.

They got so pissed that they stopped talking to me. Win!