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I am chronically online, which is bad, but I read a lot of gender war stories. A lot of men are bitter that women have had bad boyfriends in the past. When a woman says her ex boyfriend was a bad partner, the only thing they can comprehend is physical abuse. Men can't understand that bad partners extend beyond just physical abuse. Examples of what a bad boyfriend/ husband does that isn't physical abuse are:
Name calling and weird jokes
Being emotionally distant (for example, not saying "I love you", not doing inexpensive and low effort romantic gestures like buying flowers even though your girl BEGS for it)
Spending years with someone without marrying them (outside of couples who started dating as teenagers, once you have spent about 1 year together there should be serious talk about marriage, and after 2 years, if you aren't at least engaged with a wedding date, move on).
Alcohol, weed, drug, and porn habits: a man who smokes weed every day will not be a good fit for a woman who doesn't smoke at all. A guy who is addicted to porn is not able to function healthily in a relationship.
Bad hygiene: let's say every time a guy poops, he leaves the bathroom a stinky mess with poop skids on the toilet. If he can't even be bothered to clean up after himself with some bleach and a scrubby, an action that takes 30 seconds, then he is low value. I also found out that a lot of people don't regularly brush their teeth twice a day. Also if he has ants mice and roaches. Yuck!
Doesn't do his fair share of housework: even if you are a homemaker, your husband should at the barest minimum clean up after himself and not be a slob (see the point about hygiene). For homemaker, he can still rinse his dish so his plate isn't crusted with dry food when you put it in the washer/ hand wash it, he can put his dirty clothing in the laundry basket, and from time to time he can step it up and take over to give you a break. If you aren't a homemaker, I think he should be doing more housework than you because women are weaker with less physical energy and he should be grateful you are making money and helping with his breadwinner role.
Ok anyway I am rambling. But there is an entire spectrum of bad behavior, with the worst being physical abuse, and the least being something like "doesn't put his laundry in the hamper". Men are dumb, so they think that any time a girl says she was with a man who didn't care about her or didn't treat her right, they automatically assume that physical abuse was happening. Their minds can't comprehend that being mistreated goes beyond physical abuse. They say "why did you spend so long with him when you knew he was bad" as if we were sitting there being hit.
Also relevant:
I do not understand poop on the toilet seat. What did their parents teach them, seriously? But I expect it's done on purpose to harass. And I've had two guys do the name calling and all did weird jokes. Never again.
Just to clarify, this conversational scenario would be happening farther into a committed relationship right? Because my understanding was that telling men that we have received abuse in the past is a bad idea and we should pretend like we are used to only the best treatment from men so that they know we won't tolerate abuse?
This one spoke to me. In high school my best friend at the time and I dated best friends. My ex and I parted ways after high school, while my friend stayed with hers for....12 years in total (16 to 27/28). I remember her calling me up one day and GUSHING about the fact that they had been together for 12 years and that she couldn't believe it. I kept my silence, but in the back of my head I was like, "Girl, that's nothing to be proud of." He never even proposed when he knew it was her dream to get married and have children.
A year later they broke up. Less than a year after, that he got married and had a child on the way. I'll mention that my friend was from Bangladesh, and the ex was white (wife was white as well). The more I think about it, the more I believe he was fetishizing her and keeping her around because she was "exotic". I felt the same about his friend (dating him nearly ruined my life, we reconnected years later and I ended up having to get a restraining order on his crazy ass).
Men will tell you that you're their world, that they can't live without you, that you're the best thing that ever happened to them---then drop you and marry/knock up the young woman (18/19)/woman within seconds.
My ex would say if I ever wanted to raise something that was bothering me, "I wouldn't mind but I've been such a good boyfriend," well, I will be the judge of that... I think that they believe their own hype. Just because they say it doesn't make it so...
Oh and pretending to hump your dog and/or cat is also horrible. So is never wanting to go out.