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Hello.
I am 22y and I will tell you a story. Women are very often portrayed as the crazy one, the jealous women but generally when we are jealous for the right reasons (not jealous OF our boyfriend it's more about what's happening around)
When I was 19, I got into a highly selective French school. First, my boyfriend (he was in a basic university and was one class late because he gave up the first year) took the accountability ("you were lucky because of me") hm ok
But then, later into the relationship he started to resent me for getting into my dream school 💀 he became jealous of everything there (the boys here, my club life, etc)
He was jealous and insecure 💀 I think I made him feel insecure because he didn't have any ambition etc. He wanted me to stop my club activities (even if I told him that if I was doing all of that that was because I was broke and I wanted to improve m'y Cv).
He wanted me to go as low as him...
I think you can still date men that aren't doing better than you. However they have a fragile ego and you have to make sure that he's confident enough to handle it. I don't recommend it though.
I know. Men prey on women who make their own money just to make a housewife out of them or baby trap them. Men hate it when women accomplish more. I even notice that in my pick me family. The golden children are in criminality, they are lazy, sleep in on important days such as job interviews and be on time for class. While I’m nothing like that. Secretly they hate it that I’m not one of the golden children but I do better than them as a girl while the men are nothing but toddlers and bottomless pits.
"I think you can still date men that aren't doing better than you." Um ok but why would you? Maybe this is something of a tangent but this is such a recurring motif on FDS that it deserves comment. SO MANY posts that explain, with lots of examples and anectodes, how you shoulnd't date men that are less ambitious/make less money/are less accomplished/etc. than you, BECAUSE he will get resentful/make his low self-esteem your problem/not realize how lucky he is/etc. And I'm like... yes that will be true most of the times but the reason you don't date those men is that THEY ARE NOT ON YOUR LEVEL, PERIOD. Irrespective of how they live with that fact. This is important to spell out because otherwise some women who are with milquetoast, unaccomplished men who are otherwise "kind" and don't show signs of low self-esteem WILL gaslight themselves into thinking their rightful frustration is an overreaction. Forget about him getting resentful of you. YOU will, rightly, get resentful of HIM unavoidably. Even if your loser boyfriend only has smiles and compliments for your achievements and never suffers from insecurity about them... Why wouldn't you want the same from a man who IS ON YOUR LEVEL and can provide you with the financial, mental and spiritual benefit that you deserve?
I had a similar experience. I had a 3 year long relationship with my ex, who got a new job that did not pay as well as his old job, while I graduated from uni and got close to my dream job about a month after i finished my coursework. This caused my ex to write paragraphs to me over messaging while I was doing my shift, saying how inferior and depressed he feels because he felt like he has not accomplished what he set out to do, frequently comparing himself to me like "you did all this and look at me i've hardly done anything". Long story short I broke up with him for being a gaslighting PoS. Then even more envy came out - I was the "privileged one" according to him. He basically started complaining that he had to stand on his own two feet and how much easier i had it lmao.
The saying misery loves company is very true for LVMs like this, they want to drag you down and they hate seeing you happy, especially with yourself. They don't want you to realise that you are good enough in case you finally realise you don't need him and are so much better of without him. That is why your ex wanted you to stop doing the things bringing you joy, why he wanted to drag you down to rock bottom where he was.
I've noticed a couple men now who seem very insecure about their lack of success and/or poor salaries ESPECIALLY when a woman close to him his more successful.
| "He wanted me to go as low as him..."
Chances are he wanted you to go even lower than him. So he could feel good about at least being the "better one" out of both of you
This is why we need to ignore all the hypergamy insults that other people try to hurl at us whenever we want to date men who can actually make our lives better instead of worse. When a woman dates below herself, her entire life becomes a mess and may run the risk of it becoming ruined permanently if he's bad enough. A man with no ambition, a dead-end job with no plans to climb the ladder or going to school, not good with money, doesn't take care of himself, etc, these will all make our lives much harder. There is never a happy ending with this type of relationship.
A man who makes much more than we do, who strives to be his absolute best every single day, who can't help but rush to give you money, opportunities, and wonderful experiences will obviously make our lives better. And here's the rather shitty truth, but: A man who feels like his new woman who just entered his life is not doing as well as he is will always want to make her life easier versus the woman he's met who's on his level or doing 'better' than he is in life. Male envy is no joke.
Yep men are petty beasts. I had a very successful art show a while back and the man I was dating at the time was visibly annoyed and compensated by being as obnoxious as possible about his own achievements.
I have no idea why they are so small.
I'm so happy you stood strong. There was a horror story on Reddit, from the perspective of someone also in her small town. Girl right out of high school got full ride into John Hopkins 4 nursing, but declined because of her bf. He cheated on her 2 weeks later, and 20 years later she finally got *a* nursing degree.
I get being jealous, but I don't get responding to jealousy by doing anything but trying to improve one's life. Those men could just try harder, rather than just... feel insecure.