Looking for Advice - How to set a boundary

It doesn't bode well for his character that he's friends with a guy like that AND he allows himself to be dragged down to this guy's level.

I expect a grown man to have a strong mind of his own and the courage of his convictions, and not be easily swayed by crummy influences as if he's some kind of helpless minnow.

I would say with a nonchalant shrug "If that's how you feel, we could end it, and then you'd be spending zero dollars on dates with me." But you have to be actually willing to walk away for this to be any good.

You enforce your boundaries with ACTION not talk...you show him, you don't tell him, by simply walking away.

The moment he started suggesting that you go 50/50 with his ass is the moment you bolt. You don't explain, you don't try to change his mind, you don't try to convince him otherwise...you just walk away....

And like the other commenters here noted, this guy is easily influenced by his scrote friend, which is bad on it's own, heck the fact that he's friends with a 50/50 scrote to begin with is a red flag, you're what you surround yourself with.

OP, you are asking us to help you convince a man that you are worth the price of a date. But we aren't going to do that, because you deserve much better and this is simply him showing his true colors as a cheap, disrespectful scrote. It's easy to blame the friend for the change of heart, but real men don't alter their courting strategy because a friend has convinced them that the selfish thing they wanted to do all along (make you pay for the pleasure of giving him your time) is actually okay.

By doing this, he is demoting you. Do you want to be with a man who wishes to treat you like he would one of his drinking buddies? Because only friends and colleagues go dutch. On dates, we simply do not pay or even pretend to offer to pay. The second a man has the audacity to drop so much as a hint that we should pull out our wallet and contribute money after setting aside our precious time, getting ready, and consenting to meet him at a place of his choosing so that he can be seen with us, enjoy our lovely company, our beauty, our feminine presence...no. We are gone.

This relationship will only get worse from here. You need to sit down and figure out why you are willing to even consider staying with a man who has relegated you to the status of a fuck buddy who not only gives him sex and companionship, but pays for his time. Absolutely not! You deserve a man who desires to court you properly and knows how. A HVM would never let you pay for a date, not ever.

A man is as good as his worst friend. You cannot change a man or control him to comply with your boundaries. You can find all the right words but it’s not going to change him. Your boundaries are YOURS to enforce. If someone does not respect them, the only factor in your control is yourself. So you take control of yourself and exit the situation, thereby enforcing consequences for a failure to respect your boundaries. Based on your post it appears you are confused about the meaning of a boundary. It is not a negotiation or a method to convince someone to change for you. A boundary is a personal policy of what YOU are and are not willing to accept. Boundary accountability is actually up to the boundary setter. If someone truly cares about you, they will respect your boundaries. If they don’t, well, that should give you your closure. I encourage you to read a book called “Get Out Of Your Own Way” by Mark Goulston. Great practical advice for boundary setting skills. It is also far too late to set the tone for your relationship. He already knows he can get away with shitty behaviour with no consequences from you. The relationship is not going to get any better. A HVM wouldn’t behave this way and would be a gentleman from day dot to present day. He has shown you who he is, and you have a choice. To either accept him as is and resign yourself to a shitty relationship with him, or cut your losses and focus on your level up journey. It’s your call.

If he wanted to pay, and make your night a nice one, he would.

do you want a future with someone who doesn’t want to?

It’s a red flag that he can so easily be trained by one of his friends, but you definitely need to tell him that you have been accustomed to a certain type of date. You’re a woman, no HVW should be paying to go out with a male. Only he gets benefits in that situation. You need to think about yourself. Enough people, including the men themselves, think of their side, no one thinks about us. Make yourself your priority

Your relationship is over. The mere fact he's trying to mimic his friend's relationship dynamic because it benefits him proves he doesn't value you.

Just end it now. Don't waste more time on him. Exit through the gift shop

Your man should WANT to treat you, not be on the lookout for ways to bargain you down. He wants to listen to his friend, he can go 50/50 on dates with him then

My dad pays for everything so if a date isn’t willing to, why wouldn’t I just stay single? Men with money who aren’t stringy and selfish shouldn’t complain. A man complaining about paying is cheap or wants to start spending on himself. Or worse still, on other women he’s attempting to court. Sounds like you’re not an official couple yet and almost like he thinks committing = I don’t have to pay anymore. So many men have this mentality and it puts me off accepting the girlfriend label. Anytime you start to feel unworthy or unappreciated, remember that a man is NOTHING without a woman. They can’t have a family without us and even if they have a good house, car, job, they still come home and feel empty inside without a woman.

I might be wrong, but I think the correct term would be standard not boundary (since a boundary is what you will not allow be done to you while a standard is what you expect from your partner or even yourself). Either way, block and delete his ass 🤣 he probs fucking his friend if his friend has that much sway over him (jk I know the friend is an excuse for his mask to slip, he was like this from the get go, he just has motivation now)

As far as I'm concerned, this relationship is over. It was over the second he listened to some scrote who enjoys hurting women rather than his own head. I can't stand weak men who relies on other people's thoughts and opinions rather than their own convictions.

You want to know what it looks like when a man is crazy in love with a woman? He lavishes her in a sea of beautiful gifts, thoughtful dates that he finances 100%, gushes over her to anyone who would listen to him, and compliments and kisses her like he's Pepe Le Pew.

You know what I see here? A man who is still on the lookout for his Dream Girl and a way to start saving money for her. In comes through the curtain, you, and this 50/50 dilemma. I'm sorry.

i think you don’t owe him an explanation about your boundaries. he either accepts them or he doesn’t. also, if you do give in, he may try to push your boundaries further regarding other things. so stand your ground and stay firm!

My inclination would be “when I pay on dates it makes me lose attraction because I don’t see that person as a man and a provider”. Then say nothing. Dont explain things and always jsut tel someone you don’t find something attractive / it turns you off / it’s not manly etc. have some audacity, explaining will sound like a Karen. Plus it sets the dynamic where you have To justify to him what you like and don’t. Then leave him for the next man you meet who has some pride and bravado.