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I have been thinking about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and what should be met before one is mentally healthy enough for dating and relationships. This website generally promotes the concept that in order to attract a high quality partner (quality through looks, personality, responsibility, morals, etc), one must also work on themselves diligently and exhibit similar traits (which I agree with). I also think about how poor mental health can lead to limerance and attachment to toxic partners who aren’t good for us, and what can be done to prevent this from happening. Should self actualisation be achieved before one is healthy enough to date? Can one have a sufficiently health mindsight if one’s esteem needs are met even if one hasn’t realized their full potential? Do you expect your partners to have achieved self actualisation?
Just requesting perspectives out of curiosity. It definitely makes sense that if belonging and love needs aren’t being met (or safety or physiological needs), that one can easily fall victim to toxic relationships. I’ve been wondering about the top sections of the pyramid though.
I think the definition of being a HVW is that you can fulfill this entire hierarchy of needs without a romantic partner. Men are not a need, they are a want/enhancer (to some). Never rely on a man for anything: from meals, to housing, to companionship, to validation, to achieving your fullest potential. A HVW is a complete, grounded, vibrant person who is never done growing and exploring what life has to offer.
From what I remember, Maslow actually stole this hierarchy from an indigenous group and it was originally upside down, so yes self actualization first, then community and relationships help you meet your basic needs
I was shown the pyramid back in counselling class, and I remember the debates that came up around it. My lasting advice with any model, psychological, economic, whatever, is that it is only a model. Simply one way of understanding a truth, but it is not THE truth.
Mazlow's hierarchy of needs appears very linear. You get the basic needs sorted, find some friends, accomplish some goals, then achieve guru-ness. We all know this doesn't happen in reality. Self-actualisation is not a permanent state, no "congratulations, you've won at life, now go and procreate." You might achieve it often but only for a moment before the other needs raise their heads again. You might achieve a state of self-actualisation for a long while, but then life happens and something changes.
What I'm trying to get at is being self-actualised is always a work in progress. Our needs that we have to meet are always pinging. I get hungry, I get too hot or too cold, but it doesn't take away my mental space when I feel grounded and whole.
The important part is that you are trying to level up and meet all your needs, and to be a well-rounded and integrated person. As long as someone is on that same journey, that's all that matters. The needs are not linear.
But also, dang is a hierarchical pyramid isn't patriarchal! :D Why should one set of needs be any more important than the rest of them? Whatever need is unfulfilled is the most pressing one of the time. I would suggest that if the psychological ones are filled, ie we have friends and a support network, then if we suddenly became homeless, cold and hungry, we have them to rely on. The pyramid is based on one individual, not a community working together. Everyone is out for himself mentality. (Deliberate use of the male pronoun).
I agree: get to blue and feel comfortable and realize purple is lifelong. On a related note, I chat online esp in the morning as I’m waking up and having coffee, or when I'm cooking. It is strictly a pastime. I've had so many men become limerent on me when I've simply been polite. Great vetting strategy since, when you know the signs, you can wish them well, block and delete. Their lack of mental health makes blocking a necessity since they have tentacles.
It's weird (to me) that "self actualization" is talked about like it's something you accomplish once and you're done. Like you can reach your "highest potential" and then you can just coast through the rest of your life. This is how you get people who peak in highschool or college. It's also extremely classist, like you can't be a whole person if you're not wealthy or ever struggle with rent, and frequently used to enforce misogynistic ideas (like women can't be complete without children for example).
Maybe this is an unpopular take, but I think people can be "self actualized" AND be a work in progress. There will never be a point in life where you are complete, and just finished growing. You're done when you're dead imo.
But to answer your question re the hierarchy, "relationships" is helpfully included in the pyramid, and it's actually BELOW esteem needs because humans are social animals and we often are not capable of holding ourselves in high regard if no one wants to hang out with us. Honestly this should just be used as a guideline, not set in stone rules for life. If you can't meet your basic survival needs without help from others it doesn't make you a failure. Yes, ideally for your own safety and peace of mind, it would be great if you could just be completely independent and self-sufficient, but if you're unable to do that for whatever reason (be it disability or bad luck) I think you can still be a self-actualized person.
Wasn’t Maslow’s hierarchy debunked? I know it’s still used as a psych 101 resource but I’m pretty sure it’s considered generally unreliable.
When I was with my ex he would trash the house and not help clean, bring over people I didn’t know without warning or while I was at work (and the teen he was having an affair with), not contribute to food then berate me for not having a fully stocked kitchen, and demand I stay awake till 2am with him after working two jobs because “you never have fun with me” “If you love me then losing sleep won’t matter” etc. He attacked my psysiological needs and sense of safety in my own home while he gaslit me about the signs of his cheating I noticed. With my basic needs not met I was constantly in flight or fight, anxiety through the roof, and the stress and abuse triggered the psoriasis that I’ve never had in the past but still am suffering from. If you let a scrote affect the base of your pyramid it affects the other parts of you too. You can’t work on your art or earn a degree when you don’t feel safe and secure at home. You can’t save up for new appliances and school supplies when a leach scrote is taking the rent money to buy alcohol or weed instead. You can’t accomplish or create with a man striking the foundation of your pyramid. Make sure the man in your life is adding to your experience and building you up, not sucking you dry and tearing down your tower.
I feel as if the top one's a bit funny. The thing is I don't think it's possible for a human to reach their full potential as there's always something to improve upon, the one instance where I think one can reach it is when one dies (dead people don't seem to do much in general though). I feel as if people need goals to strive towards or else life would probably get pretty unbearable. I don't see why you can't start dating when you've reached the blue.
IMO if you can't fulfill lower needs, you have other priorities instead of finding a HVM. Finding a job that pays the bills is more important than finding a man (who may turn out to be LV anyway).