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Hi, ladies!
Let's talk about the bare minimum men should not get praise for.
These are NOT things that should get celebrated.
These are things that men should do. This is the bare minimum.
Feel free to add to the list of things below!
Let's go:
Not being physically or emotionally abusive
Being mentally stable
Being a feminist
Being kind and caring
Being a good communicator
Having a good relationship with his family (unless there are reasons for him not to)
Being respectful to people and mostly to you and your boundaries, not pushing things that you do not want
Asking for consent
Caring about your sexual satisfaction
Taking no for an answer and not freaking out
Never gaslighting you, never giving you the hot-cold treatment, never breadcrumbing you and never doing any other manipulative bullshit
Being loyal
Being responsible, keeping his word
Being financially stable and financially responsible
Taking care of his kids
Having ambitions and a goal in life
Doing housework and upkeeping his personal space
Hygiene (cannot stress this enough)
Paying for the date he invited you on
- good impulse control, being able to refrain from short term satisfaction without sulking all day (it's surprising how many men fail this test and will behave like a grumpy teenage brat)
- actually interested in long term commitment and not just "open to anything" (a man with self respect doesn't do hookups)
- actually interested in you as a person, not just what you can provide for him
- knows how to motivate himself and work towards his goals, if he hits a slump: makes efforts to get out of it by himself without relegating his female partner/relatives/friends to role of therapist
- keeps making romantic effort beyond the initial courting phase
- actively prioritizes you and your comfort, wants to know how he can do better
- respectful towards your family and friends
Amen. Wiping your own ass doesn't deserve praise, it's what normal adults do
Not trying to hook up with random women at the club
Protecting & providing
Being inquisitive and asking questions to get to know you!!! I can’t tell you how rare this is from men!!!
- Staying fit / healthy - Supporting your interests, goals, and career
-Not being pornsick
Omg I feel called out. Something I said made my therapist say, 'You're listing this as a good quality... this should be a given.' Being in a toxic relationship really confuses you in terms of what normal behaviour should be. I'm still unpacking all of it. Thanks for this post. Such good timing!
Everything
Supporting you when you are sick. THAT'S WHAT HE'S MEANT TO DO