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One of the most common manipulation tactics used by men is the good old “you’re different” approach.
The purpose is to make you feel a false sense of superiority towards other/a group of women. He’s a challenge that you have conquered.
Except he’s not.
Please believe me, he does not see you as better. He sees you as a sucker and he has a sugar craving.
The same way that he uses other women to make you feel superior, he will also use other women to make you feel inferior. Notice- other women are always your enemy, not him.
Some of my favorite examples of this are:
I don’t date *womenofhisrace* because they *blanketaccusation*. I prefer *womenofwhateverraceyouare* (translation: I see races as a monolith and the moment you don’t live up to my expectations, I will either cheat, discard or emotionally abuse you).
I’m typically an asshole but I’m nice to you. (translation: I want to have sex with/use you in some way therefore in order to support my ulterior motive, being nice to you benefits me).
I don’t typically date women who *insertsomethingaboutyou* but with you it’s different. (translation: I don’t like this about you, so to ensure that you are consistently self-conscious, I will use this as a reminder that you are lucky to be with me).
And my absolute favorite:
I’m not like that anymore, you’ve changed me. (translation: I am and always will be a low value male, but I need you to feel a sense of accomplishment so that by me simply existing, you view me as a prize)
These are just some of the ones that I can come up with off top. I’m sure you ladies have some that you have heard.
So tell me, what has been your experience with this?
And, what are some others to look out for?
The one I used to get the most was “women don’t usually impress me, but you seem intelligent enough to date me” …except it always came out of the mouth of an unwashed, low income, too old for me white guy and always unprompted, unwelcome, and while I was already in a relationship.
Any other “you’re different than other girls” bs was usually directed at me when I was a far too sexually forward libfem pickme.
It’s just another triangulation method that puts down other women with the intention of tricking us into caring about a scrote’s opinion of us so he can then trick us into sex.
The times I've been hit by this gem were when I was tap dancing my pick me heart out to appear like the cool girl. No needs, no boundaries and no dignity.
I frequently got "you're not like other girls — you have REAL hobbies (not like the "girly" ones I don't respect because I'm a misogynist)." And it was usually due to my most basic hobbies, like reading, playing videogames or drawing. Literally all of my friends do at least two of those things, they're not special if you've actually interacted with women as equals in your life.
The first goblin I went out with would tell me he liked my voice. But not in a normal way. This and every positive thing he liked about me was stated like I was in competition, and even my pick-me self felt there was something off with it.
"Your voice is at a nice lower range, not like other girls like in California who act all nasally" -proceeds to imitate them
"Your figure is at the right size. You have great curves to hold on to, not like some girls who are just sticks and bones, or girls that can't hold their own weight." - In response to me feeling insecure about my weight.
"Not only do you like video games, but you play the real ones and you're actually good at them." - Noticing I had several high level characters in WoW. (LMAO)
Meanwhile, he had no redeeming features and I only ashamedly went out with him because he seemed like the only person interested in me at the time. I would break up with him frequently, and when he'd try to shimmy back into my life, he'd start it with comparing me to myself.
"You're so chill now." No, Garrett. I was always chill. You made me so high-strung.
I’ve found it to also be a sort of way to set me up for later, to avoid being whatever the guy states bothered him about an ex such as
”I like that you’re so laid back. My last ex was soo uptight. she would yell at me if I even left a wrapper on the table“
fast forward to living with him and he was a total slob and I hesitated to bring it up at first til I blew up about it and then I became the “uptight” one for not wanting shit stains all over the toilet and fruit flies in the sink from unwashed dishes
”my first love didn’t work out because of our different cultures”
later became that everyone of my race is alike(her and I being same race) while he used his culture to justify poor behavior
“that woman was too conservative for me, I like that you’re open-minded”
became me being closed minded for being upset at the porn addiction
i could go on but I hope you get the idea. Don’t want to be super specific but the whole “you’re different and superior” will get turned around on you the second he is not getting to run all over you.
“You’re not like other girls” is one I have had regularly. “Chinese girls manage all of the finances” etc and the husband gets pocket money. Basically, he wanted a white woman so that he could have full control of his money. Cheap b******.
In this case i would ask, what is wrong with other women then???
then watch the scrote scramble to give a good answer
I think a good thing to remember so no one falls into the "I'm better than the compared woman" is that we really are ALL different. I work in social work and EVERYONE has little quirks, mannerisms and thoughts that are unique. It's kind of sweet actually that you can never replicate a specific person. Makes me feel our inside jokes are precious because they won't be around forever and I won't be able to replicate it. When men have compared me to their ex I've just told them I'm obviously a different person and therefore like different things. If they don't like it then they can leave. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not.
I don’t mind this particular course of flattery if the characteristic is actually something I think is true is or something I take pride in.
In most cases, its some cut/paste generality that’s no more true for me than it is for most of the women the guy in question uses it on.
But I think, at the end of the day, men and women alike want to feel special and really seen for what makes us special or unique. For the guys smart enough or observant enough to puck that out, it works well.
Some men loved to comment that I'm "unusually pretty" for a nerdy girl and software developer. 🙄 Pure projection because most nerdy guys are ugly at worst and unkempt at best. "Finally a woman who has good taste in music/games/etc" just because I like some things that men typically like. Cue surprised pikachu face when they notice I do like some "girly" things too! Men have also been surprised that I get along with other women in the workplace and don't trash talk them because "women are so catty and can't work together". I hate it when a man calls me "chill" and "not bitchy" because it most certainly means he expects women to take his shit all day long.