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I’m 25 and this 22 year old guy has me messed up.
We keep going back and forth and it’s driving me crazy. Everything is great for some time, we are perfect and and then next it’s something going on and he seems confused, the next he is all over me again. Even when he is acting confused he is still so invested which is confusing. It’s not like we are having sex so I wouldn’t say it’s just sex.
I could also say he cares about me, he shows me he wants me and likes me and he has qualities I want.
But yet we are back to him not understanding his feelings again and sounding confused.
But yet, I can’t just leave him alone, I’m thinking that he’ll snap out of it again and then we can really try to sort all this out once and for all.
I also think I fell in love with him. I have been working on myself and focusing on myself, this guy just comes and confuses me. It's like I don't have a brain anymore.
Also has red flags, his red flags according to FDS standards:
He watches porn always, doesn’t think the industry is corrupt , he uses Snapchat, he has a male friend group, they have a nick name, they have group chats on Snapchat, IG and WhatsApp. Always wonder what they do in those, he follows a lot of girls on IG, they follow him back too. He says they are childhood friends, from school and around his home, also follow girls on TikTok that post videos that are sexual in nature etc.
On the other hand, I’m a 3 degree holder , I’m into academia and hoping to be a Dr soon. I’m also working on other things and have a decent job at a startup.
Even though, I know all this and that we are probably at different points, I still want him.
And the weirdest thing also happened; went out together recently, I had placed my phone on his car (actually his Dad’s car). He didn't seem happy and asked why would I put the phone on the car, and that it’s going to scratch it. It wasn’t even moving, just put it on the car to pack my hair.
We also went to get pizza takeaway, i kept the boxed in the back seat and he removed it and gave it to me to hold it even though I said it was hot. But he said it’s not nice to be kept in the car and I should just hold it.
He has always been chivalrous but I was a bit weirded out.
I don’t know if that’s a red flag too or maybe he just doesn’t want to mess up the car.
Basically, I keep seeking his validation and for him to want me enough cause now he is just acting confused.
Please ladies, talk some sense into me, be as harsh as you want, I welcome the harsh comments. I need a reality check and some tough love.
Perhaps I’m just suspicious in nature but something seems slightly fishy about this… First post ever and it’s the most incredibly pick me story ever. This person is just abandoning and ignoring every FDS guideline (no porn, no back and forth with confusing guys) which they purportedly are familiar with (see: red flags according to FDS) and then ends it with a request to be “as harsh as we want” with “her”?? Are you expecting FDS to be cruel to women? FDS comes from a place of compassion and we aren’t cruel to women in need. However, that being said, we don’t waste our time on people set their ways and who aren’t inclined to learn or follow the guidelines. If you are indeed genuinely in this situation and not simply just trying to generate bad PR for FDS, you already know what FDS says about these situations. Read the handbook. Scroll this site. And if you still elect to ignore FDS advice, there’s nothing we can say that will help you.
This gotta be a troll. "I'm becoming a dr and he doesn't have his own car. I can't even name what it is I love about him, he just gibs attention sometimes."
"He watches porn" So you're in love with a man who enjoys viewing rape on tape, supporting the degradation of women and human trafficaking? That alone should snap you out of it .
👀🤡👀 Girl go read the handbook and get mad that you left your spine at work
Dump him wtf
I don't even need to read the whole thing to know that this is some clown taking advantage of a woman with no boundaries 😴 same old story. What's up with these kind of posts lately? I almost feel like r/relationshipadvice
And if this is actually a genuine post, then you may need therapy. But how are you a 3 degree holder who works at a startup that somehow also allows you to undertake full time medical training to become a doctor?
You want us to talk some sense into you, but you've laid your concerns out very clearly- and they're all more than valid. You're a smart woman. You know what to do. I'm assuming you've had sex together? Possibly unprotected? Is it just me, or does having men ejaculate inside us make it even more difficult not to feel bonded to them? I remember reading a men's forum once where a scrote said he no longer ejaculates inside women, because it "hypnotizes the bish". Disgusting way of putting it, but I have to wonder if he was onto something.
I call bullshit. You’re clearly a troll seeking to debase women on here. On the 1% chance that you’re genuinely a real person listing the combinations of the imaginably worst characteristics possible in one human male, please seek professional help.
Even though you're extremely well educated (well done by the way) you're not immune to your hormones. You've built a close bond with this person from spending time with them so oxytocin, dopamine and adrenaline in those love bomb/discard phases of narcissistic abuse got you feeling all over the place. This is literally the cycle of abuse, the push/pull activating the reward centre of your brain. So he's done some nice things but then leaves you feeling off balance with some other shitty things and confusion. You're smart enough to know what he's doing sis. You need time away from him to see this objectively. I would say block and delete, but I feel you're too invested for that. So ask him to give you space to yourself for 1 week. That's all. If he can't respect that (which I suspect he won't) then you have your answer.
OP you will never EVER have a functional relationship with this low value scrote. He’s not confused. He‘s an asshole and he’s using you. Stop seeing him and put this energy into therapy so you can learn not to give the keys to your self esteem to some loser. There is nothing nothing NOTHING good to come from this relationship.
Sometimes cupid shoots his shot at the wrong person. I had this happen to me at 25 too. Fell for someone I totally shouldn't have and the torment lasted a year. The same thing happened a year later with someone even worse! Also at 25 your brain is still fully developing, which could explain why you're feeling all sorts of ways. Things even out after a few years and you'll eventually be able to look at these situations from a calmer, more decisive place. For instance at 31 I dated a guy who was very similar to the guys I dated at 25 and 26, who I was just as crazy about, but who I was also able to walk away from very easily when I noticed the red flags.
Just as XenaWarriorPumpkin said - you've developed a chemical thing for him, which may seem like love right now, but once it passes out of your system, you'll see the guy for what he is - a disgusting, putrid scrote. Happened to me right before FDS - I was hooked on a man and after a few weeks of no contact, I actually became repulsed by the very thought of him. Good luck!