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About two months ago I broke up with a super low value man. I found FDS about 6 months before and have been learning and growing out of my pick me ways.
Shortly after we broke up I went to a coffee shop with my mom and we had a a real conversation about what makes a HVM. During this conversation we both inadvertently realized we were describing one of my ex’s friends, let’s call him Nate. We had a quick conversation about him and then just let it go.
About two weeks ago, in a moment of weakness, I downloaded a dating app. I realized that I was just looking for an ego boost and restrained myself from swiping.
Oddly enough, I got a notification that I got a match. I went and checked. It was Nate. He let me know that we had matched a couple of years ago and nothing had come of it. He paid for the service so when he saw me pop up again in his list he messaged me.
Long story short, we ended up exchanging numbers and for about 3 weeks had LONG phone conversations and regular texts. Then this week comes around and it’s less regular.
I know his schedule so I keep telling myself that he’s working long hours, he’s going on a trip with friends, all that pick me shit. Then I do the most desperate thing and check his dating profile. I can see that he’s been active, while on his trip with friends. He’s fading me out and I’m trying to convince myself that he’s interested.
After waking up disappointed again, I tell myself that it’s a man’s job to convince me that he’s interested, not my job to convince myself that he’s interested in me. So now I’m at the gym engaging in FDS material and working on myself.
Don't be fooled, I'm still sad and full of anxiety. But I'm on my way to leveling up!
A supposed HVM, but he's been on dating apps for years and using them while away on a trip with friends? Yeah no. He might be a polite fuckboy, but still a fuckboy. Trying to reel you in with long conversations but then slow fading you is classic fuckboy manipulation. An actual HVMs interest GROWS after the initial conversations. The conversations get deeper and longer over time, not shorter. Someone who seems to offer the complete package upfront is lovebombing and looking for a quick lay. True connection builds over time. I don't get my hopes up over initial enthusiasm anymore, because that is cheap and easy and 90% projection.
Long phone conversations are a nono. He's not making an effort to meet you irl. You should keep the calls short no matter how much you vibe.
Block & delete. Ya’ll matched before and nothing came of it in the past - The End. Now history is repeating itself and wasting more of your time. I recommend a much shorter deadline for men from OLD to actually put a firm date on your calendar. After a few days of regular chatting with no plans? Fuckboi energy - bye. Stop tolerating penpal convos with no date on your calendar; this is what dudes who are out there cheating on their gfs routinely do.
That’s badass, you go girl