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I'm against 50/50 relationships, but my recovering pick-me brain thinks "How bad can a 50/50 relationship be? Everyone does it. It's unrealistic to expect a guy to cover all dating costs in 2022. Is a 50/50 relationship really worse than being alone forever?" I wanted to do some math about how "unrealistic" this expectation is as I'm told by pick-mes and men. In a HCOL area, a dinner date can cost $25-$100pp. Let's say 4 dates a month and use $60 as the average cost per date including transportation and other activities. That's $240 a month and $2880 a year. Let's add $500pp for an annual domestic couples trip, $1500pp for an annual international trip.
That's 4880. Let's round up to $5000 for birthday gifts, flowers etc. This it's just my idea of an appropriate relationship for early/mid twenties and at my income level, your expectations may be different. Is it unrealistic to have a guy spend $5000 a year on me? Well if he's making $125k or more (not a very unrealistic salary in a HCOL area), that's 4% of his annual salary. Also this assumes that paying my share is a 100% added expense for him, but I'm sure some of our dates would replace expenses he would have incurred for regular dating or going out with friends. These numbers are also assuming a pretty fancy/comfortable relationship. A guy can save money by cooking, picnics, skip the international trip, go to cheaper restaurants or go to free museums and events. I think my fear of a 50/50 relationship is not so much about the finances aspect. It's more that woman are seriously dating men who don't even value them worth $5k. If these men were asked to take on the dating expenses in a relationship, they would break up with their gfs. I can see how men who devalue their partners turn out to be terrible husbands and fathers. Everytime I think that a 50/50 relationship is not that bad, I go on the "breaking mom" subreddit and see how those women are completely disrespected and devalued by their partners. If during the courting stage a guy can't spend 5K/yr on me, he will not value my emotional, physical, and reproductive labor in a marriage. That's the real "unrealistic" expectation... expecting a guy who values you less than 5k/yr to treat you like a queen. Don't let scrotes and pick-mes lower your standards. An FDS style relationship is feasible in 2022.
Thank you for laying out the numbers here. I also like your explanations and interpretations. A man spending $5k/year to cover 100% of dating costs is not trivial. It is not appealing or possible for many men. We should not date these men 😊 I don’t take for granted when a man treats me. However, I do not repay him monetarily. Rather, I repay him with my company and contentment. A HVM loves to treat his lady! He enjoys giving to her and having her graciously receive.
It’s only fair to expect that the guy covers the dating expenses.
When I’m dating someone it takes me about 2 hours to get ready (hair, make up etc), I pick nice clothes and my make up is expensive.
He's getting my company and eventually he’s getting sex.
$5000 a year is nothing especially, and I’m using this as an example here, which I’m not advocating, if we think about all the men who frequent prostitues, call girls, pay for girlfriend experiences.
I think I once read that they spend a few thousand on a weekend ( at least over here in Europe) .
A guy who doesn’t pay for your dating expenses every single time is a guy who’s not 100% interested in you. And if he says he can’t afford to pay every single time, he shouldn't be dating and wasting your precious time.
Nope, not unrealistic. My guy has covered every date in full, including trips, since day one, and we’re two years in.
I have friends / people I go to uni with who spend upwards of 200 bucks per a weekend on coke. Some shit you snort that adds exactly nothing to your life. If I can spend money, time and energy on not only my looks, but also my manners and my mental well-being for being a stable, nurturing, kind person, they can spend a lil something and pay for a date. If you cannot afford something, you don’t deserve to have it. When it comes to luxuries and non-essentials, like the companionship of a worthy and high value woman. Date cheap bitches who don’t have anything going for them and don’t value themselves, if you’re so lonely. Or don’t date until you actually can provide for a woman. Why would I waste my precious time and energy to make you feel warm and understood, to laugh at your jokes, share my feelings and thoughts if I had to pay for it??? I could just journal. Way cheaper and I didn’t have to leave my bed for that.
Men could be smart and put aside $300/month for date night with their gf. $150 per paycheck! Such a worthy investment…yet they want to complain about having to foot the bill and beg to go 50/50 🙄
Not saying all HVM have to be ultra rich, but even $5k a year sounds super low to me. Mostly just because I have expensive tastes and my latest jewelry piece was $1,700 and I already took two international vacations this year at ~$2,500 each, so that’s already exceeding $5k and I have another international trip planned for New Years, too. Cheaper though, only ~$1,500 cuz it’s to the Caribbean. So. I dunno. I expect men to pay and I’ve only had one ex complain about it, but he wanted to date me so he just got familiar with coupons, sales, happy hours, and GroupOn. This was fine by me cuz we still had an awesome time and had a lot of fun once he accepted the fact I was expensive and high maintenance. A guy making a decent salary should be budgeting to spend money on impressing you and spending quality time together via dates and hanging out. Then he should be stepping up even more as a bf/husband. Any man who can’t afford it shouldn’t be dating. Especially since there are plenty of budget options and sales and even decent places have “date night” specials. Like, if the dude can’t even afford budget dating he’s a lost cause. Scrotes gonna scrote. The only thing stopping a man from being HV is himself. Don’t settle. If he wanted to he would.
My last ex spent $7,000pp taking me to the Caribbean. I wouldn’t expect most men to have it like that, but if he’s hemming and hawing over the price of a meal in the early dating stages, he’s probably going to devalue me in other ways down the road. It isn’t a guy’s job to fund my lifestyle, but why should I downgrade how I live my everyday life so he can feel more comfortable being a guest in it?
Not to mention we need to have money stashed away in case of emergencies. A 50/50 lifestyle makes it harder to escape a toxic relationship, because now your money is tied up in subsidizing his living expenses in addition to managing your own. The ex who spent all that money on me was profoundly LV, and the only reason he behaved himself in any way before I broke up with him is because he knew I could afford to leave at literally any moment.
I used to date a very low value man who would make me pay for every date we went to even on my own birthday he made me pay for my own hotel room just because he thought I was acting like a brat. Never again am I doing that again. Dating a very low value man made me feel very miserable I was sick and contstanly in a financial burden because of him. They will suck you dry of your money Dating a low value man made me go nearly bankrupt
Last time I checked, the average child support payment in America was $5,750/year. If a guy cannot handle forking out an extra $5K per year to take you to dinner, what makes you think he can support a family? Even if you work like I did when I was married, you cannot control if you get injured. I broke my neck and jaw when I was married and couldn't work for 4 years. We'd been living off of his income and investing mine, so we were fine. But imagine we'd been mortgaged to the hilt and had 2 car payments and a couple of kids? 50/50 would've have destroyed our family if we'd lived like that. It's great to have 2 incomes, but you'd better figure out how to live from one, because you're gonna be having children and nobody knows what health issues tomorrow may bring. Make the man pay and prove that he's a provider. That's the only way the world gets better. Higher standards are necessary for men to level up and be men.
No, not if he wants to date me. If a man can't afford $5000 a year on our dates, then that isn't a man I would be interested in anyhow. I'm not interested in men who can't provide.
well, i live in a 3rd world country. people here only leave their parents' house when they have someone else to share a home with - usually a romantic partner - because everything is absurdly expensive. very few people can afford a non 50/50 relationship (regardless of sex). i do think it's unrealistic for me. besides, in my experience, men who are willing to pay for everything are usually conservatives who want a wife who will be a SAHM, cook, clean, wash, do everything alone like a good 1950s wife.
the only man i met who wanted to pay for for dates and whatnot was desperate to find a wife who would bear his children (because he wanted a ~~legacy). he ended up being just another scrote. all the other ones i met were progressive/liberals who used me for sex and emotional labour. call me a pessmist with scarcity and defeatist mentality, but that's all i see when i look around. and also when i look at history.
girlll I just saw a FB post where one dude shared a screenshot of a click-baity article saying something like "boyfriend pays for all expenses because gf is an 'investment'" and a another dude underneath was saying, "what's the point of equality then/or that's not equality, sEeMs LiKe A sTep BaCKwaRds." I just rolled my eyes and kept scrolling...ain't nobody got the time for that