Is it normal to not really have many friends at the age of 32?

I've always been a loner. I've had good and bad friends over the years. I think it's important to understand that most people are your friends dye to proximity only. I tend to think of being friends forever and to always keep in touch, but that's not realistic. Don't let people use you for money or to feed their kids unless you just really want to pay for their food because you have the money to do it. Otherwise, just find new friends. Eventually, you'll run into someone decent if you keep discarding the losers. And find a hobby beyond video games. That one attracts way too many losers. Find something to do that gets you out of the house. Take art or music lessons. Go support local musicians or artists or whatever interests you.

i sure hope it is normal because i have close to 0 friends right now.

You said you have bad mental health. What steps are you taking to work on yourself? Are you doing the internal work? (Don’t actually answer me, it's rhetorical for you to reflect on).

None of us can be fully present in relationships if we’re not managing our mental health needs appropriately. Things like trauma are something you can’t resolve so you have to learn to live with it, acceptance and commitment therapy is great for this.

If you struggle with interpersonal connections maybe dialectical behavioural therapy is for you. You mentioned you have trauma so you would likely meet the criteria for it.

I will also add that it’s normal to shed friends around late 20s, early 30s. Humans go through changes of values and beliefs every few years, I'd even say once a decade. This is a huge time of change to strengthen ties with those who grow with you, disconnect with people you don’t align with and eventually meet people with shared values. The time inbetween is normal to feel lonely. Doesn't need to be extreme differences, just a lack of compatability. E.g. I am childfree, prioritise a life of comfort and travel, study and career. I've naturally drifted apart from friends who value building their family and being a mother, we just don't click and that's okay.

Anyway I recommend you read the handbook and the recommended readings, especially 'the body keeps score' and a quick read that I love is 'get out of your own way' by Mark Goulston.

Don't expect change without doing the internal work. Takes time and effort, but when you learn to value yourself you will see that it's worth it.

If it's any comfort, you're definitely not alone in losing friends in adulthood.

Yeah, it's harder to make new friends as an adult. We have so many more responsibilities and so much less time to spend time with people just for fun (forming friendships requires spending time with people over and over again until you consider each other friends).

And I feel you on how awkward it is to socialize. It's not just you.

It might seem counter-intuitive, but it's easier to relax when socializing with people if you know you're okay by yourself. It takes some of the pressure off, you know? To that end, I would suggest branching out when it comes to solitary activities. Find some that bring you joy and works for you beyond being just a distraction.

It’s normal to not have many friends as an adult bc its soo difficult to make friends even in your 20s.

You only need one or two genuine friends.

and if you feel like someone is using you, make an excuse as to why you can’t do something and then observe their reaction. Always trust your gut! I do say you deserve better friends than what you have now. I’m on the autism spectrum and I would never engage with my friends exes??

Foster hobbies, maybe take consistent pottery classes or join a bookclub? Make sure to always be your own best friend first and foremost

Something that made me realize that it doesn't necessarily mean there's something "wrong" with you if you don't have a super active social life; I know many people who do, and some of them are utterly insufferable and self centered assholes, and everyone knows it. But as long as it's not hurting those people directly they don't care what kind of liars and manipulators they have in their circle.

I value having a small number of close people who I can trust and who have integrity, most of all. It's so important. I'm not willing to overlook a user or abusive behavior just to maintain another social connection, and I admittedly struggle to respect anyone who does.

I really don't mean to offend by saying this, I believe everyone has a right to their own religious beliefs. But instead of trying to get into Christianity, have you looked into something less patriarchy-centered, such as witchcraft or what have you?

The first two friends have got to go. I suggest transitioning to new friends first before you cut them though so you’re not lonely and desperate with new people.

I’ve been seeking new friends recently but so many people do not want friends - they want people they can use for selfish reasons. Of the many I’ve met over the last few months, most are casual hangout people and the rest are bad news.

Do some nice daytime/early evening activities to meet people and be discerning in who you befriend!

It's normal. My friends live far away and we talk to each other maybe once a month and see each other in person twice a year max. I have coworkers and family, I can't handle more people in my life.

Hello! Former lonely girl and current Jesus lover, here! I can relate to your post. I've been told all my life that I'm just too sensitive and my expectations for friendships were too high, which led to a lot of settling and accepting bad behavior from friends for years. I had several months last year of having no friends. I stopped going to my small group because no one seemed to notice or care if I was there or not, I stopped reaching out to all 7 people in my friend circle because they only ever reached out when they needed something and wouldn't respond to my texts otherwise ( not that I blocked them, I just stopped putting in effort in completely and waited to see if they would reach out; spoiler alert, they didn't) . I joined a discipleship group, but I didn't invite anyone to do anything outside of the group, I just allowed myself to show up, enjoy it, and go home. You know what I found? All those years that I had been settling and desperately trying to find someone who appreciated me, I was running from the fear of being alone. Once I stopped running and accepted that I had no friends, I found that it didn't hurt as badly as I thought that it would. It hurt certainly, but it was a more tolerable pain than the pain I had endured for years-- the pain of giving everything to everyone and receiving little in return. I put myself and my relationship with God first. I went to therapy. I journaled. I cried. I sat with myself. I held my dog. And after a few months, I started to become friends with the girls in my discipleship group. I joined a new small group and made friends there. I started discipling younger woman and made new friends that way. And I realized that the only thing that changed was the way that I showed up. I'm not any cooler than I was a year ago, and my standards and desires for friendship are still the same. I had heard for years that if you give enough love, eventually it will come back to you, and I found that this maxim is unequivocally wrong. Be alone, be lonely, and give yourself love first, and eventually you will be ready to set boundaries with toxic people and accept love from genuine people.

I'm in a similar situation with odd friends and old friends here and there. Realizing, as a lot of things are becoming clearer and I am now sober, that the majority of my relationships were very one sided. People never genuinely asking about my life, conveniently forgetting birthdays, never making plans, ignoring texts, using me to vent.

It's heartbreaking and lonely but I also have faith in God and it really really keeps me going. If you ever want to reach out I'd be happy to chat anytime. I think this forum has a message function.