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I met this guy like 4 years ago from with the same ethniciry and cultural background as me at a party. We were both with our families, he approached me then his entire family did too and started talking to me, he gave me his # and told me to call him. I texted him like a month later because I wasn't sure and we talked but he kind of abrubptly ended the conversation and blew me off. I ran into his family a couple times but not him. He added me on social media a while later but never tried talking to me so I got annoyed and unadded him after a while. He then added me again a while later. When I graduted school he messaged me specifically saying friend and asked if I was going to a party he would be at, but I moved states which shocked him. He then blew me off again when I tried to continue the conversation.
A year later I went through a breakup and decided to respond to his story and since then we have been talking via text for almost a year and a half now. Its always him initiating, it's at least once a week, he's flirty and keeps calling me beautiful, kind of trying to get to know me with superficial questions but still no deep conversations and it's all through text.
One time he invited me on a romantic trip with him when I barely know him and after I made it clear I was busy with residency and couldn't travel until I'm done. I declined because I didn't know him yet like that and kind of freaked out on him. He did apologize and since then he kind of started to take me more seriously and told me he was looking for something serious.
We were chatting and then to my surprise one day my parents get a call from his to ask if we can be allowed to date - in our culture it's tradition but it's kind of old school and my parents aren't that strict. I was shocked at first because I didn't feel like our conversations were that deep and he never asked me. His parents pretty much call mine every couple weeks and now they are friends lol.
All this time we still live in different states - he kept asking me when the next time I'd come back to the state was and I told him not until after I finish residency. He then told me he would come but every time it would get close he would push the date back or delay it. Most recent was new years - his excuse was it was too cold where I live which was true but still it just seems like he's making excuses.
Last time his mom called mine she said he was shy (which I find hard to believe) and told my mom he said he loves me and wants this to work which again confused me. I don't love him lol. I'm attracted to him but if he stopped talking to me tomorrow I'd get annoyed at most but I wouldn't cry because he never came in person and I only met him in person twice a couple years ago.
His mom says the whole family wants to come and put a ring on it and that they really really really want this to work. It sounds weird but in our culture some people insist on getting engaged before actually dating. But my mom knows I don't feel comfortable with that and she told them flat out he needs to call me and come several times before I'll even consider it. His moms excuse was he's too shy to call and that they will come when it gets warm whatever that means. His mom told my mom he said he loves me like I'm so confused.
Keep in mind what makes this strange is this entire time again my conversations with him aren't that deep lol like his mom is calling mine and meanwhile the texts between me and him are good morning how's your day type texts lol. If he truly loved me then I'm pretty sure he would have tried a little harder to come to my state or even call like I've told him several times...
It's not like I'm sitting here waiting for him. Like I met a cute guy on New Year's Eve and if someone comes along and he still hasn't made a real move boy bye. at the same time
I'm not really sure what to do. Do I confront him? Ghost him? Give him an ultimatum? Keep doing what im doing which is give low effort polite responses without getting emotionally invested and meanwhile continuing to look somewhere else. Im genuinely so confused as to what to do it's not like I have feelings yet for him but at the same time I don't want to waste my time even texting a guy who just wants to string me along. He's attractive and id ideally like to try seeing him at least once but if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen.
I think his family have identified that you’re a great catch and he hasn’t. If he wanted to he would. Dump him and carry on looking for someone else!
“His excuse was it’s too cold where I live.” You are dealing with a lazy, entitled time waster. Strongly suggest you move along.
you are wasting your time. he tells his parents he loves you to placate them while he fucks around with women they don’t like
Listen to your gut. If you have to ask us, you know the answer. Move on
His party boy ways are freaking out / embarrassing his parents. They looked around their whole social circle for a woman to “fix” their son. They decided that your dreams, your goals in life were trash who’s just pathetic and desperate enough to buy into their lies about their sons’ shyness, behavior, and personality. This is so insulting to you! Based on the level of insult to your person and your life, you find yourself doubting the insult and coming to the internet to dissect it….this is what culture and society does to women. tldr; this boy mom is flat out lying to your mom and you believe it to the point of questing yourself. This is sad. P.S. I am confused as to why you are still texting this person? This texting is creating a false sense of intimacy creating a fertile ground for his mother’s lies and his own low effort behavior to sprout seeds of self doubt and lower standards.
This story is full of excuses for him and you're buying them. There are too many words and paragraphs for a man who just isn't that into you. Block and delete.
Nah, sis
Tell him you aren't interested. It sounds like he's not that into you also, but that you're a convenient back up in case all the other women he's chasing after doesn't want him back or dumps him. You're worth way more than that. You deserve to be a man's #1 choice.
Dump and block him.
His family needs to butt out.
His family is in love with you, but he's not. Run! He's interested elsewhere, and there's nothing you can do about that. He's not even lukewarm about you. He's just ice cold. Next. You deserve better. Ask his mother if he's got a cousin or another brother who might actually be interested in you as a person if you like his family. LOL. But this guy's got his eyes somewhere else.
Either he's keeping you as a backup because he's not interested in you and he likes the ego boost you give him like everyone here has opined, or a second possibility that hasn't really been mentioned: He's projected a whole ass relationship and actually interprets your completely normal, nonromantic texts to mean that you want to fuck him, and because mommy and daddy never taught him actual social skills, he's just going to let them take care of the logistics of dating you, too, because he is a potato and does nothing for himself. These are both shitty options.
Also guys who give you their number and want you to call them usually don't care about actually talking to you. They care about getting chased by women and just want the ego boost.
Block.
There is nothing to be confused about. He already blew it by not making actual effort to show up. Then he has the gall to say he loves you? His actions don't show love. He either doesn't know what love is, or he's a liar.
Whichever it is, do you want to be stuck with someone like that? I would think not.
So why keep entertaining this? Sounds like it's mostly because of family pressure, and maybe a part of you still want to imagine this working out somehow. I kind of get it, it doesn't require a lot of investment and it's fun to dream sometimes.
But it's a waste of mental energy, and it sounds like you have better things to do with your mental energy than this.
I also come from a culture where families can be invasive about personal lives. My friends from the same background get a lot of pressure from their families to do this and do that. I don't. Why? Because my family knows I'll give them hell. 😆 I used to be more passive, and this shift took years and years, but they got used to the "take no crap" version of me over time.