Anger over the resources I chose to waste on losers and manipulators has been coming up lately. So much time, energy, and opportunity wasted. It sickens me. Usually I can talk myself out of it - anger only hurts me, etc. Being angry only wastes more time. But actually I am starting to think this is bullshit. And I'm not really angry with myself. I'm angry at these men and at our patriarchal society. I've never once allowed myself to feel this emotion for more than a few moments, before cajoling myself into something more socially appropriate. Anger exists for a reason. It protects us. It actually helps promote change. Being angry over the injustices and illtreatment we've suffered isn't wallowing and it isn't counterproductive. I'm telling myself this. Anger is energy. This energy is a gift.
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You're right. In the very short time since I've been angry I've gotten my finances together, gotten a mortgage preapproval, taken steps to protect myself from my toxic family, achieved a pretty big personal milestone creatively, organized my entire apartment and revamped my wardrobe. All while being chronically ill (I suspect the problem at its root is trapped rage). Shit, I could actually use this anger as fuel to succeed on my own terms in life...lol why didn't I realize this sooner.
Anger is my favorite emotion. You can accomplish a whole helluva lot when you're angry. Anger is the only emotion men respect in a woman, anyways. Cry and see for yourself. If you don't allow yourself to be angry at the way you've been treated, you'll turn the anger inwards and become depressed. This is what my sister does, and she's got Prozac because she doesn't even have enough self esteem to let herself feel angry at scrote behavior. I'm the angry big sister who is hardly ever sad, and it's because I express my anger. I'm not here to be abused, and I won't fucking stand for it! I love telling men off who've treated me badly and then blocking them. I can gloat and smile for 20 years after I told some asshole off. Anger is good.
I'm jealous of people who are motivated by rage. That's awesome. My rage is paralyzing and makes me feel powerless. Yes, I am extremely upset about the time energy and resources wasted for scrotes. It's the biggest regret of my life. Only I don't just feel angry at the world, but at myself too. More than anger I feel grief. An overwhelming, insormountable amount of grief. For all the life that I've let myself be robbed of. For the things I cannot have back unfortunately.
Yeah I often think about how much more I could have done in my 20’s especially if I didn’t have men/dementors sucking my energy dry (I was a pickme back then) - even though on the outside it seems like I got a lot done in my 20s, inwardly I know I didn’t make myself a priority. But the only time is now, and I can use my rage, knowledge, and clarity to focus on myself and move forward.
Anger is a tool we can use as motivation for change. But we need to know when to let go of it. Otherwise it turns into bitterness.
Very much so. My entire 20’s.