.png)
In real life, for me personally, I will not go with him on any trips unless he is my husband because stranger danger and all that. If he isn't my husband -- that means I haven't vet him thoroughly enough to allow him to marry me. So no, I don't trust him enough to go on trips with him.
But to answer this particular question -- let's say I do go on that trip with him, so the question is: what part of expenses should I paid for?
Honestly? Nothing.
I struggle with money, couldn't afford such luxury -- and somehow that led to me ended up being fully paid for by whoever's bringing me on the trip -- friends, workmates, teachers, professors, acquaintances. I told them already, repeatedly even, that I couldn't afford those trips so go on without me. But they all insisted and paid for everything.
And it is not like I can pay them back -- so I just thank them sincerely every time. And somehow that keeps happening -- I've never paid for any trips in my life expect the one for my family, once.
So... considering that the man in this question is COURTING me -- it never even cross my mind that I "should" pay certain expenses. Because:
- HE wants ME on this trip.
- HE wants ME to accompany him and enjoy this trip with him.
- HE wants to IMPRESS ME.
- HE wants to WIN my affection.
- HE wants me to reserve some of my time, energy, and attention for him.
So why would I be thinking about "paying" certain expenses? When he can choose NOT to ask me on that trip if he can't afford all of the expenses? Don't people get all the budget and nitty-gritty details planned and ready when they do these type of thing? Sorry I don't know much about trip stuff -- I am just along for the ride -- but the trip bringer usually have it all planned out.
Maybe this is just me -- but being fully paid for on trips is the only way I know -- so I really don't think in terms of "Oh I should pay this part of expenses" because why do I have to pay when HE is the one asking me on that trip? That's rude. Don't ask me out if that's how he wants to treat me, I'd rather stay home.
This is just me though, to each her own. Stay safe.
I just got back from a trip overseas to visit my boyfriend's family in his home country. I paid for nothing; he also gave me cash to have as spending money when we got there. Otherwise, he covered everything from airfare to hotels to travel expenses to every single meal and drink. He even paid when I bought souvenirs for friends and family. Never settle for a man who just wants a traveling companion. You can have those adventures with your best girlfriends, with no expectations of sex along the way.
Do not let men treat you like one of their guy friends, or a roommate, or a long-lost colleague they met by chance in a foreign train station. You do not pay to give a man the pleasure of your beautiful company. He covers your costs, or you don't go. No exceptions. Otherwise, you are setting a standard that will follow you for the rest of your relationship. Don't do it.
I hear you on needing to trust a man before going on a trip with him. This part is not to be underestimated, I agree. That said, there is value to travelling with him as a (later) part of the vetting process. Seeing someone in travel mode can be so different to every other day. Do they align with you on how early you need to get to the airport? How much to pack? What activities to do while you’re there - are they the beach-bum-relaxation-type, or the day-trip-every-day-at-6am-type? Can they compromise if you’re of different types? Sometimes the people who are always on the move at home, are the type to find a beach chair and not move for a week, that’s their unwind time. Or visa versa. The point is, you can’t necessarily extrapolate their at-home personality to their travel-mode one. If you want a future that includes travelling, it’s an important layer of vetting to find a partner who eases a potentially stressful experience.
I have been on plenty of trips that were fully paid for by someone else, and trips where I shared the cost. It all depends on how the trip came to be. If it's someone inviting you, then yeah, social ettiquette says the one who does the inviting is also the one who does the paying. If it's an established couple or group of friends planning a vacation together, yeah, I'd expect that there will be some discussion about expenses beforehand that may result in the decision to split the cost in some way. I'm not against pitching in on a longer vacation with my long-term partner, and I always did if I could afford it -- if I couldn't, he would cover everything.
This this this this x 100000
This is an interesting question that I don't have a solid answer to. I wouldn't want to pay for the whole thing, or even half really. Because I wouldn't be the one doing the inviting. But I would probably feel internal pressure (probably female socialization) to pay for something...
I definitely would go on a trip, and probably multiple trips with someone I was seriously dating. Like start with a day trip out of town, then next time a weekend, then next time a full week. There is definitely something to seeing how someone behaves on vacation, in a car and on public transportation (plane, train, bus). Especially if something goes wrong.
To your comment about living together - I think you can vet by spending weekends together at your place or his (later in the relationship of course). The first few times he'll be on his best behavior, but after he gets comfortable, he will show what he's really like to live with.