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Sorry for the long post, but I can't deal with this anymore.
So I (21f) come from a Desi household. My brother(24m) introduced me to his American, white gf (32f) a few years ago. I kept quiet about it and didn't tell my parents about it, bcs he did not want to reveal it to our parents about it.
Fast forward May 2022 - my brother tells our parents he has a gf. My parents visibly don't approve of his choice. Idt I'm in a position to approve/disapprove bcs I'm not the best person myself, I also have many flaws and I don't want to scrutinize any woman. All I can say is that his gf is extremely helpful, caring, and supportive and is invested in leveling up herself. They're both going grad school for EE together.
I initially supported my brother and fought for him with my parents. But now, as I think about his behaviour in the past few months, I am extremely dismayed with the whole way he dealt with this. My parents talked about it with him only once and disapproved of his gf in the conversation. They have since not talked about this with each other.
My mother routinely keeps asking me about the status of his relationship, and I don't know what to say to her at this point. She went on this huge rant for more than 1.5 hrs on the phone last night, about how he ignored his family's needs and how he chose a woman so different from his family. And I agreed with a few things she said - while his gf is a great woman, we all definitely look for family approval in some aspects. I don't certainly approve of the age gap in the relationship.
For the past few months my mother has been venting to me about his relationship and Idk what to say/do. Its not like they disapprove of love marriages all together, but I also want more freedom in my choice to select my life partner in the future, which is why I initially supported my brother. However he is handling this so poorly - he does not want to introduce his gf to our parents, he doesn't tell them more about her (in an effort to get them to like her), he literally does nothing to solve this situation with our parents. Whenever anyone tries to talk to him about it he shuts them down and ends the call. If we talk reasonably to him about it he just starts crying and talks deep stuff about life. I feel like I've been caught up in this mess by supporting my brother. Idk what to do at this point. I definitely think she's (ETA: his gf) gonna be devastated by this.
I'm desi too, and I decided a while back that my brother is his parents' problem. Stay out of all this. Deny all knowledge your mum and tell your brother you don't want to know. If he forces information on you, reclaim your brain.
What I’m gonna say is probably gonna sound harsh, but regardless of this drama with your brother/mom/his gf, why does this matter so much to you? Why is it taking up so much of your headspace? I would recommend trying to find a way to focus more on yourself instead 🙂
Hey there! Been there done that too. I have a cousin that has no backbone at all... and my bf and I will be fighting the battle of acceptance from my parents. To be honest I'd say: 1. Make sure you have clarity on what kind of partner you want. 2. Discuss with your parents about this. Im happy that they're not opposed to love marriages, but they may have boundaries or rules regarding who you can date. Find a reasonable compromise that works for both parties. 3. Make sure you are in a good place -- you can adult and you have a salary. Your parents still think of you as a kid, you need to take care of yourself and change their perception to see you as an adult. 4. Regarding your brother, I really understand since I first thought fighting alongside my cousin would help me date freely. Turns out I'd end up just fighting FOR him instead. Why not fight for myself and my own partner then? 5. As usual, make sure you have a good head on your shoulders by following FDS rules to choose a great partner worth fighting for!!!!! So important. Feel free to DM me since I'm desi too OP :)
I don’t blame him
i don’t know what the age difference is and that may color my attitude towards it all if I do
bit the general lack of desire to introduce a girlfriend to disapproving parents I get. If I or my partner get the slightest disrespect by the others family we make it clear that we are a package deal and we don’t reward that behavior with our time and attention. Our relationships are not up for discussion or approval from others