This myth annoys me. That someone just doesn’t love YOU or the two of you just weren’t right for each other. I’ve never, never ever, met a guy who was abusive and has changed. I’m in my 30s, and the guys I dated at 20 who were cheaters and abusive are STILL that way, only the older they get, the nice part is it becomes more and more obvious what losers they are. It’s crushing when someone who starts off well takes a turn for the worst, which often happens once you trust them, so I get why it’s hard to leave but I promise - good people do not use people! Every respectful man I’ve met treats all women, and humans with basic human respect and dignity. There are fair, considerate, honest, kind people and there are exploitative lying pieces of garbage. If you’re prince turns out to be garbage once you love them…I feel for you, but don’t worry about them meeting another girl and becoming a great guy - they don’t have empathy! We are all either people who use people and disregard them or we are not. The former might marry someone they abuse, but they don’t care about people suffering and hurting. They will always be terrible For that reason.
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Hollywood fairy tales and lies. The swindling jackass becomes the perfect husband when he finds his "true love". That's why women have this I can fix him attitude. Then we he treats her badly she wonders what she needs to do to be more perfect for him so he's happier with her. Then they stay for years and years "communicating" and "relationships are hard work" until the woman is so broken down she is done. When her ex moves on to the next victim he only learns how to hide his bad traits long enough to secure her with a ring and baby trap her.
I'm so sick of it too, I've seen this dynamic with so many of the women I grew up with. They are very unhappy.
A big sign that he’s genuine in his good actions is if he isn’t looking to see if you saw h8m be nice to the server or help that elderly person etc. And he isn’t making huge statements to impress regarding his “values.” A good man just is.
Yes.
even in a world where a guy would suddenly stop being a scrote for me, I don’t think I could respect someone who has treated another woman badly for no reason.
It’s important to vetting to find out at some point early-ish on what his past relationships were like. Forever girlfriends? A series of “evil“ women? holes in the walls of an ex? All red flags regardless. The second you end up on his bad side, you’ll be next to be treated badly. It’s too big a risk to take and a good person wouldn’t do that kind of stuff to anybody.