Granted, its only been four dates and i'm still vetting him and getting to know him but he really does show many signs that he's a HVM. He ticks all my boxes; he's the kind of person I want, he has the basics down and his life sorted well, and he treats me well, is lovely and acts in a way thats in alignment with FDS. But i'm just not really that into him if i'm honest with myself! I'm not really attracted to him, and theres nothing that gives me butterflies or anything like that. For a while I thought this was a good thing after learning FDS principles. After all, i'm seeing him without rose-tinted glasses and so can vet him more realistically. But I dont know, now I wonder if i've gone about this so strategically that i'm not going to be able to feel feelings like how I should. Whats more important? Feelings or a man being a HVM and checking your boxes?
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What is this "or" nonsense? He has to be high value AND check all your boxes AND be attractive to you. Why on earth would you date a man who youre not attracted to and who you have no romantic feelings for?
Four dates is too short to observe whether a guy is HV or not.
It took me 6-8 weeks (~10-15 dates) before my feelings shifted from “I am analytically interviewing a seeming HVM” to “wow I feel attracted and romantic about him”. My prior relationships were all fiery, trauma-bonding, desperation-fueled LV situations. HVM are slow burns. Now after almost 2 years, I feel stable yet passionate love for him and we are planning our future together.
I would say if you have the patience, especially if you have a troubled dating history, try giving it 2 full months of slow dating. (Meanwhile, of course keep accepting dates from any other suitors who pursue you. This is the perfect time for multi-dating.) If you still just don’t feel romantic toward him after that time, then gently part ways, he’s not the one for you.
If you're not attracted to a man, then he is not your HVM, no matter how HV he is.
It just means he is someone else's HVM.
If you can't feel attracted to him after, say, a few more dates, then don't force yourself. Wish him well, and let him go.
If you’re not attracted now, I highly doubt you will be later on.
Just my two cents.
I too went on a few dates with a HVM a while back . So incredibly kind. Class. Manners. Planned amazing dates that were not cheap . But I couldn’t see myself even kissing him, let alone anything else.
Truth is, just because a man is HVM doesn’t mean he’s automatically right for you! Hey, I know it sucks…. Because finding HVM is tough as hell these days.
But he’s not the last man you’ll meet!
He's competing with your ability to love yourself.
If he's a HVM, but you aren't feeling anything, then it's probably because he's stifling all the shitty parts about himself and is a "society zombie." A neutered man. Men who are both HV AND authentically into treating you well will not bore you. Don't fall for male propaganda about dying alone, when married women usually die after their husbands, and have a smaller friend network. The goal is a man who is purposefully into treating women well, and men who aren't just jumping through hoops to get laid will excite you.
I want to dispel the whole "LV men are the exciting men." There are purposeful and driven men out there with life goals that aren't on par with Redpill Hell.