I said "yes" to FWB four times.

It’s disgusting how they lie to gain access to our bodies. It’s also disgusting how the sex-posi narrative brainwashes us into thinking casual sex is “fun” or “empowering.” I can’t say I’ve ever truly had one casual sex encounter that didn’t result in feelings of shame later on. All combined, they were extremely damaging to my psyche.

FDS is a great community to be a part of while you are on your journey of healing. If you so choose, in the future, vetting properly can help you find a partner who genuinely loves and respects you. Your body is a temple. Sex should only lead to greater intimacy, not shame, regret, or pain.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can definitely relate. I was just thinking about my fwb situations in the past and how the dudes never really wanted to be friends. I just remind myself it was a learning situation and now I know better. I've chosen to be celibate for 2 years now and it has been great. I feel more focused than ever before on other life goals and my friendships with other women have grown. Don't beat yourself up too bad bc cis str8 men overall are users and a lot of us have experienced similar situations.

I had an ex unilaterally and slowly attempt to convert what started out as our regular-way relationship into something akin to FWB from his perspective. He was in a years long custody battle and did not disclose that fact to me from the outset - he represented to me he’d been a divorced dad for 4+ years. Technically true. What he did there was “paltering” - basically lying using a true fact which he dropped on me a year into the relationship, and then claimed we needed to fly under the radar for awhile. 🙄 Turns out he had a secret PickMe girlfriend he’d met online who had uprooted her teen daughters to move into the house next door! Audacity for days. This poor naive lady had top Ivy degrees, inherited wealth, and still fell for his scam and dragged her kids along. So don’t feel bad if ya’ll ever got played like this bc it happens to a lot of incredible women.

His teen daughter knew exactly what he was and roasted his ass online, talking about her abusive narcissist dad, and detailed all the abuses, and how the family court judge did not believe her. He tried to spin this to me as him being the victim of parental alienation… Nah! I ghosted.

Point: All FWB women are side chicks, whether they are wise enough to grasp this or not!

Is this the result of app dating? I don’t use dating apps but my understanding is that the men on them treat it like a sex delivery service. They extend as little effort as possible and are rewarded with a fresh and consistent supply of sex from women they don’t care about. I’ve met fuckboys in the wild but they don’t usually pretend to be after a relationship. It will just be some handsome guy offering to buy me a drink and laying it on too thick with the flirting and anyone can tell he’s a fuckboy from a mile away

FWB is the most insulting thing ever invented, IMO. A guy who'd have a PAY a prostitute thinks I'm lower than that, and that he gets to f*ck me for free. When I first had this proposed to me back in 1999, I said, "So you'd have to pay a prostitute for sex, but you think I'm worth LESS than a prostitute? I'm you're classmate and an Army officer, too. Why did I go to school to get a Chemistry degree if I'm supposed to just be a free prostitute for you? Benefits? Are you gonna pay for my Healthcare? And once we settle on a price, you need to tell me what I do with my soul whilst you use my body?" This same guy who proposed this to me later wrote me 23 years later on Facebook telling me his story of woe of his wife who left him with 3 young boys and no job. I told him I don't feel sorry for him and that he had a good woman at his table back in '99 and that he insulted her and picked a bad girl. He got remarried to another girl a couple of years later, gave her a baby, and he died in 2021. Don't fall for the BS. Men ALWAYS try to take and steal from us.

It has harmed a lot of us and friends with benefits is one of the biggest ways men have twisted words to get what they want from us. Don’t feel bad-just don’t let it happen to you again for your own dignity! And remember what that actually means to men when they propose friends with benefits.

dictionary definition of friend and it benefits from Miriam Webster:

friend: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

benefit: an advantage or profit gained from something.

friends implies a mutual, equal relationship where the benefit is a mutual and real feeling of satisfaction just from enjoying the company of the other person.

It is very hard to have a friendship with a man that is equal. To them benefits means THEY benefit. very few men are looking to benefit women in exchange.

It doesn’t really make sense to put those two words together in the same sentence to me. friends implies that the benefit IS the friendship. They might as well say “friends with sexual coercion”.

How many times does friends with benefits mean the guy will wash your dishes or clean your house, buy you food or pay your bills and not expect anything in return? or if there was a guy who didn’t expect anything, would we really believe him or turn it down for fear of him wanting compensation in the future? It never really works the other way for our benefit.