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Not so much a rant, but a random thought.
I'm a fan of British TV, and there's this one show I casually watched called "Endeavour", which is the prequel to the 1980s "Inspector Morse" series. The main character, Endeavour Morse, dates and screws a bevy of women in both series, and he loooooves them unavailable and messy AF.
In S2 of "Endeavour", he dates Monica Hicks, a really sweet nurse from Jamaica who was really into him and what does he do? Ghosts her and chases a married woman in the next series. I figured out that the ghosting was because young Morse was bored AF but recently, I read an interview with Shaun Evans (the actor who plays young Morse) who confirmed it for me-
MASTERPIECE: Maureen C. asks, “Endeavour seems to have unresolved issues with women. How would you characterize his romantic relationships with women throughout the series?”
SHAUN EVANS: I think he grows tired easily of people, and would have a tendency to either leave them before they leave him, or be attracted to that which will not make him happy, because he is kind of foolish in that regard. If you think back to the pilot, he falls for the woman who’s the actual killer. I mean, he loves the grand drama of it, as well. I think he seeks enormous excitement, but obviously, can’t take it. If you think of Violetta, the woman in Italy, when he went to the opera in Season 7. But then if you think of someone a bit more mundane, like when he was dating the nurse, it wasn’t thrilling enough for him. I think normality isn’t thrilling enough for him.
Spoiler: Endeavour Morse (played by the late John Thaw) ends up an eternal bachelor and an old, creepy drunk who dies alone.
Recently, I saw the opera "Carmen", in where the eponymous character clearly stated in her introductory song "Habenera" the following:
Love is a gypsy's child, it has never, ever, known a law; love me not, then I love you; if I love you, you'd best beware! etc.
The bird you thought you had caught beat its wings and flew away ... love stays away, you wait and wait; when least expected, there it is!
Carmen tells you from the first that she's messy and can't be caught and yet men were obsessed with her. One of my friends called her a "bitch", and while I admit she has manipulative tendencies, she told you from day one what she was all about. If a man wants a healthy relationship, he would walk away from her. However, most of the male characters gravitated towards her because she was a challenge that they wanted to win.
I was also a big Archie Comics fan as a child. Betty Cooper was the sweet, wholesome and very available girl, but what Archie craved was the rich and spoiled Veronica.
Though these characters are purely fictional, it made me think about my IRL dating life. I was very available to most of the guys I've dated and eventually, these relationships fell apart because of that. The women who received the most male attention are not necessarily messy like Carmen, but unavailable to them in one way or another.
As much as men wax lyrical about wanting a nice woman who can hold down a household, this is chiefly for practical reasons rather than desire (as in they need a household manager).
I'm out of the dating field for the current (no one of interest and I don't do apps), but it reminded me to not make myself available to men.
I think it's worth noting, though, that people who are very interested in unavailable people are like that because they themselves are emotionally unavailable. Men who want unavailable women don't want love, despite them saying so. They don't want to be loved, they don't want a real relationship, they don't want the responsibilities that come from being in an intimate connection with another adult. They want to remain single forever, only using unemotional partners as a way to get the questionings to stop about when are they going to grow up and get married, settle down, etc.
So what I mean is, OP, those men you were with who were unavailable, says nothing about you. They don't want anyone at all, actually. It's quite funny once you peel back the layers and look at people's behaviors more carefully.
Most of them don't even care about sex. They only care about the chase.
They have a really strange mentality and a madonna whore complex, totally unable to form a loving warm connection with a woman.
These unavailable types excite them as it fills a void that will not be filled with love and respect for a woman, which they are incapable of due to their chasing and "women are disposable" mentality.
I actually dislike the "make yourself unavailable" discourse. This is partly why dating is such a shitshow most of the time. Yeah, sure, don't rearrange your whole schedule and life just for a date. But playing hard to get is a toxic trait in both genders and sets up the relationship for emotional dysfunction in my opinion. Sure, you can and should BE hard to get, meaning you'll take your time trusting someone and observe their behavior and character, but that doesn't mean breadcrumbing and "activating his hunting instinct" and whatnot. We are choosers, but not prey.
I was watching Endeavour last night! I watch it for the crime plots/whodunnits because I like mystery shows but Morse as a character annoys me so much. There's a ton of misogynistic undercurrents in both series and even though the titular character gets himself into whichever mess he ends up in, the implication of blame is always on the messy, unavailable women he constantly chases. I've said it before and I'll say it again, a lot of these men like to be treated badly by women. They like to obsess over women who aren't available or are out of their league. The meaner you are to them, the happier they are and the more they chase you. The nicer you are to them, the less they want to be around you and the more they grow to take you for granted or even to resent you.
I've seen it again and again in real life and it's so unhealthy. I genuinely think these men hate themselves. It's like they crave chaos over stability, which is whack.
Ironically if we are talking about Habanera here the main guy, solider I think... Yeah! I think he literally ditches his I assume "ideal" subservient childhood sweetheart for the "unruly bitchy Carmen." It makes me wonder though, would Carmen truly be promiscuous or was she simply just a woman who minded her own beeswax and was not handed over to these men on a silver platter by her father? Because the plot was written by a man, and I assume this is what their take on unattainable women would be.
They don't want a nice girl. Just ask Dennis Reynolds.
Dennis Reynolds: "We don't want wild girls. We want real girls gone wild. It's important to see the transition. You want to watch the process"
Start at 0:55 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h44C4txZx0s
Humans unconsciously seek what is most familiar. So many men are seeking their “bad” mothers who emotionally neglected them or whose lives were so awful they had no time for their kids. They chase messy unavailable women because they’re familiar. They give a feeling of “home”. Even if they resent and hate their mom. The kind, chill, mentally healthy women upset them because they are the unknown, the unfamiliar. They give a feeling of “not home”. These men’s relationships never last because messy and unavailable woman + man with bad childhood, trust issues, and poor social skills does not equal a healthy long-term relationship.
Once again, men are projecting. Men are exactly what they accuse women of being —trauma victims who should be healing, not dating. Except their “trauma” is “mommy didn’t give me enough attention or love me as much as I think she should’ve.” Being a “better” mom doesn’t fix this. As a mother of sons, they are all bottomless wells for your love. Nothing is ever enough. They fear your rejection from birth to the grave.
I love Carmen, I saw it 2 years ago and I think the whole Opera is such a powerful metaphor!
I'm so sure that I will never ever meet a decent man so might as well make those scrotes who like me suffer by ignoring them like I always do because anyway, the chances of me being bitten by a shark are higher than the chances of me being in the same room or place as a hvm (that's how rare hvm are).
They do whatever they think draws attention to them.