I met a high value man but he is boring

Is this a joke? You don't know this guy, don't find him attractive and consider him boring. Yet you're determined to make it work.

The bar is in hell. I'm not criticising you, I've done the same in the past. It just frustrates me that society pushes this 💩 onto women.

Girl, you seem to be having a scarcity mindset, stop. So what if he seems to be HV? You don't seem to be enjoying his company. Go find someone you actually enjoy.

Important to remember that ticking off a few behavior checkboxes isn't the same as being a high value man. He should be making your life better. If that's not the case, then he isn't a high value man for you. He might turn out to be for someone else, but people aren't one size fits all partners, and you should look for a partner who complements you specifically.

he's probably not HV given he is in a rush to get serious. HVM will vet his potential partners too because they are looking for someone compatible. how can he love you if he barely knows you? he probably wants to have sex soon, hence the declaring so early. don't fall for that. paying for dates, being sober, not watching porn are a part of the HVM pack, but there is much more to it and declaring himself too early is definitely a red flag.

He's not HV, you're projecting harder than a drive-in theatre.

Don't operate from scarcity mindset, and drop this guy immediately

You don't know him well enough yet to determine if he is high value. Men can hide who they are for quite some time, and a recent dating relationship will not show you the true character of a man. There are more men than him in the world. If you're not feeling it, let him go and keep being open to finding the high value man that you find interesting.

I don't think he's HV. A HVM should be bringing so much to the table- education, wisdom, hobbies, a fulfilling life, a life well-lived. How could a man like that be boring? He'd have so many stories to tell. I think you just found yourself a boring guy. I dated a boring guy before, simply because of the lack of red flags. He was LV through and through, just better at hiding it.

High value means he adds value to your life. This guy makes you bored, so he subtracts value from your life.

+1 to everyone who says you are settling with a scarcity mindset. Also, keep in mind 'good guys" like this who are unattractive to you can be just as much as an arsehole down the line as the magnetic guy, maybe more. I have read a heartbreaking story where the woman married a man who was "safe," and he wasn't exciting, but she thought she could trust him. He cheated.

If you spend any precious time on a man , at least make sure you enjoy it.

It's useful to look at what is a high-value man in 2 parts.

One is the baseline - this is just green flags which indicate if you should give him your time. Then it is useful to go for the qualities you mentioned - doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, healthy etc.

If he meets the baseline then you move on to the next level and try to detect if there is compatibility/chemistry/spark/connection - lots of terms used by people interchangeably but meaning the intangible mix of qualities you want to find in a person that makes you like them. At this point you can try to define it for yourself - maybe you simply want to have someone who has more advanced conversation skills or sense of humour. Maybe it's just something you cannot really describein words, but you can recognize a feeling you get around people you want to spend time with.

Dating isn't simple and it's even more complicated when you notice that most men don't even meet the baseline. But don't feel like you have to put more time in this relationship just because there are loads of shitty men out there. You are better off spending that time on other friendships or yourself.

Thank you everybody !!! I just figured out what was wrong and why we had no chemistry at all. He doesnt drink and all of that but he never takes interest in what I like, he never asks question about myself, he is not even curious about my personality but still declared himself. I think he wanted a girlfriend and I was just out there checking HIS boxes (which are very small, even smaller than mine). When I talk about what I like or what I do he never asks anything, just saying random stuff such as « good luck » or « keep going » 🤦🏽‍♀️

You don’t find him attractive? I stopped reading there. You need FDS 101.

So he’s breached a boundary with you by moving too fast, you don’t find him attractive, he’s boring, at best he checks a few superfluous boxes for minimum-tier, and you’re wanting to push forward…why…?

Two points.

One - just because a man is HV, doesn’t mean he’s right for you.

Two - did you only meet him twice, or do you already know him? Two dates isn’t enough to open up and start feeling a connection. Sparks/chemistry are usually bad news. If he meets all your other requirements, you could let him take you out another time or two to confirm he’s not to your liking. But don’t force it if you simply have no interest in him.

You shouldn't date men that you're not physically attracted to. Don't let society brainwash you into thinking it's "shallow" or "selfish" to need physical attraction. You don't owe this guy anything, and you're FAR too young to feel like you need to settle.

He's not HV, you don't know him.

You're not compatible. It's ok to accept that at face value and move on.

Basic convos might be basic, but they're not bad. Sometimes, the absence of red flags is a green flag in and of itself. I've found most conversations with men to be actively off-putting, so I am actually fine with boring, lol. My partner is a pretty simple guy, too. He does have a good sense of humor and a few niche interests, but he is definitely the type who gets more interesting once you've known him for a while. I've come to like stable and simple. I'm more of a bubbly personality myself so a more laid-back guy lets me shine. But if that's just not your thing, drop him. He might be a better fit for someone else. I'm just stating this point as someone who was formerly addicted to drama and "excitement". However, the other thing is that you don't find him attractive, that's already two things which aren't up to your standards.

Boring can be fixed. A manlet cannot.

You can't force attraction. Please don't put pressure on yourself to make it work.

My suggestion is to give it at least a solid month before you call it quits. What do you like doing for fun? Tell him and let him take you wherever you want to go if he’s so “in like” with you. Boring is not what you may see on social media or in movies but boring is better than an emotional rollercoaster. All I’m saying is, ride it out a month.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that you're in the right! There was a post here a few weeks ago about how an HVM can appear boring to you because we've been accustomed to unhealthy rollercoaster ride relationships that hurt us. If you've been in a storm your entire life, a calm sea will be boring to you.