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Last week, I was at a friend's house and while we were watching TV, her brother slammed the kitchen door shut. She told me that he has an annoying habit of slamming doors and when she tells him to stop doing it, he'll apologise but also say that when windows are open in the house, the wind that comes through sometimes pushes the door which makes him slam them without meaning to. Like her, I think that that isn't an excuse because I've seen him shut doors with a lot of force anytime I visit them, whether the windows are open or not and when I'm at their place, both her and I close doors gently, regardless of any windows being open.
As she told him to close the door gently, he got immediately defensive and said that he wasn't doing it on purpose so she shouldn't get annoyed with him. She told him that he always shuts doors with a lot of force, and from time to time, has woken her up in the morning and regularly disturbs her when she's working. She's even resulted in wearing noise-cancellation earphones to drown out the noise he makes. Her brother literally got irate and said that she was making a big deal out of nothing and was mean in the way she spoke to him. I was there and she didn't speak to him disrespectfully. The more she pushed back and mentioned how she's stopped doing anything he doesn't like, he continued to say that since he wasn't deliberately making noise, she shouldn't be angry.
After he stormed off, she got teary-eyed because she felt so frustrated. She told me how when he has meetings (he works from home) and she makes enough noise for him to hear, he'll come out of the room he's in and tell her to keep the noise down. She'll apologise and he returns to his room. Another time, she was watching a TV show on her phone and slept off. The next video to play was a music video that was apparently so loud, it woke her brother up. He came to her room to ask for her to turn it off and she did. She was, understandably, complaining about how she respects his wishes and stops doing anything that may get on his nerves but he's quick to get defensive when she tells him to shut doors gently.
I was frustrated too and was very angry with her brother. Men always have the audacity to feel that women should just take whatever they dish out, whether they mean it or not. I'm even angry thinking about it now.
Nah he does it on purpose but doesn't respect her. If a random guy asked him to be more gentle closing the door he would act abashed and apologize to this stranger.
I always got this from my ex, literally same exact problem. I tell him something is so loud it's waking me up and he says "No it's not." And turns it down like 1 volume point if I throw a huge fit. But if a roommate asked him to turn the same exact thing down he'd be like oh hehe I didn't know and turn it way down. Dude just hated me and had zero respect for me specifically. My feelings were inconvenient and invalid.
I'm petty so if this was my brother I would treat him the exact way he treats me and disturb his meetings and his sleep just for funsies. Then tell him I don't think I'm being loud at all and call him too sensitive. Buy him noise canceling earbuds for his bday for his big dumbo ears. Once I know I won't get any respect in return it's fair game.
Reminds me of my own brother. I've lived with him for 6 (horrible) years. He takes up a lot of space, and I'm the kind of person to easily retreat for fear to disturb. As a result, he lived in the apartment, I lived in my bedroom. He had the unsufferable habit of barging into my bedroom without knocking. I even suspect he would be super silent on purpose on his way to my room just so he could startle me when busting through the door. I kept telling him over and over to PLEASE K.N.O.C.K and he never would. Best he would do is give a quick one-hit knock and then barge in before I could even react. If I was changing or something, the only option I had was to jump right behind the door to block it from opening and scream "DON'T COME IN", that was the only cue he would somewhat respect, and I had very little time to do so, so it was always a panic reaction.
So, one day, his girlfriend was visiting us. My brother exists very loudly, and I had not heard a single sound after working in my bedroom for a while, so I assumed they were both out. I was looking for a bucket that my brother would sometimes use and leave in his bedroom. I searched the whole house, but couldn't find the bucket. His bedroom door was closed. I barged into the room without knocking, thinking they were out, so I was surprised to find my brother and his girlfriend just cuddling on the bed (fully clothed, think "tender moment when one of them is reading a book and the other is resting with their head on the other person's chest"). I immediately apologized and closed the door again, but my brother was furious.
He got up, followed me to my bedroom and started berating me, telling me to "NEVER EVER do that again" and going on and on about how it was massively disrespectful and selfish and inconsiderate. I just looked him dead in the face and said something about how he never once knocked on my door before entering in the 6 years we shared an apartment. He got silent, and from that point on, he ALWAYS knocked before entering my space. Of course he wouldn't take "no" for an answer, so he knocked, and knocked, and knocked until he got an answer, never letting go, even when ignored or turned away, but at least I had time to change or stop what I was doing or whatnot before he got tired and ended up opening the door anyway. Massive improvement nonetheless.
So yeah, my point was: empathy. Or complete lack thereof. He knows he needs privacy because he's a "full person" but he wouldn't even think of extending that courtesy to me, because I'm not fully human in his eyes. Thank God I got out and there's now an ocean between us.
Wow girl, you have no idea how common this is. They live on making women's lives miserable. Tell the girl to stop being polite, perfect and forgiving. Tell her to become a man towards her so called brother. Cold, unsympathetic, no mercy, no smiles during convo, gray rock the shit out of him, disrespect him indirectly, keep a distance between them, and whenever he asks her to stop doing something annoying tell her to freak the fuck out and not change anything or to tell him a cold "ok" and still not change anything. Tell her to no go into any argument with him regarding this, tell her to not let him get access to communication. Tell her to become toxic for her own good, tell her to become strategic and look out for her own benefit ONLY. HE DOESNT RESPECT HER AND HE HAS NO PROBLEM DOING ANYTHING THAT WOULD RUIN HER OR HARM HER ON ANY LEVEL. TELL HER TO NEVER EXCUSE OR HAVE MERCY ON DISRESPECT.
Treat him the way he treats you.
My brother is like this. Dad too. And tbh, I’ve heard horror stories from other sisters of brothers. There is nothing special about having a brother, and a lot bad in it. best to live as separately as possible.
He’s a passive aggressive asshole.
She should be slamming doors everywhere now as loud as she can especially when he is in meetings. Play music out loud, dance, and annoy the hell out of him. Men like him don’t deserve respect or someone polite.
Habitually slamming doors or generally making more noise than you have to when it could annoy other people is psychopath behavior, tbh. That shit drives me insane. I have a brother who's the same way, except he'll have a fucking meltdown if you tell him to knock it off (and yes, he's an adult).
My brother was my biggest abuser, so yes even sisters. I would even say, especially sisters.
I'm glad my brother evolved when he became an adult. But whatever, I'm not living with my family anymore and I'm glad about it.The one in this post sounds like he is still on teenager mode... a nightmare.
My father was like this. When I got big enough, I started waking him up with my French horn playing reveille. 📯I also used to salt and pepper him in bed whilst he slept, so he'd be sneezing and wheezing 🤧 whilst asleep. 🤣 I was sick to death of him beating me and my sister, so I started doing sneaky shit back to him.