I’m having a brain fart—why do pretty girls rarely get approached?

One of my guy friends at the gym (he is a personal instructor) told me that a lot of the guys at the gym have crushes on me or attracted to me but they all think I’m taken. I never brought a guy to my gym and I don’t really talk to strangers there yet I know everyone who works there and I smile at people all the time. I know I’m attractive and fit, get stared at a lot but I don’t get approached much in person from someone I like. I get people flirting with me, winking, catcalling me, commenting about my butt, bla bla bla … I could careless to be honest😂 .. my therapist said to smile in the future if there is a man I like or think he is attractive just to give him a green light that he can approach me then he needs to put all the effort but HVM need to also know that they are ok to approach you.

I guess the fear of rejection is higher because the stakes are higher in their superficial little minds

Conventionally pretty women and girls always get approached but mostly by audacious scrotey assholes. but most women and girls are pretty/ beautiful/attractive to scrotes. men will fuck a taco so I try to keep this always in mind. I don't know what sort of "attractive" I am so I'll be super honest here and say that most men that hit on me in public, out of the blue are low-tier scrotes who I think hit on every woman that catches their attention. Uncouth, rough, dirty, stinky men. I used to feel extremely defeated by that but then someone told me that a decent man wouldn't dare to cat call or hit on me or simply stalk me on the street and that men's behavior has nothing to do with me but with the men themselves. This took a lot of pressure off my chest.

the decent (and small!) part of the male population is either too polite, fearing rejection or thinking that we're already "taken". I moved back to the metropolis for a corporate job after college and one of my biggest concerns was avoiding packs of stinky men approaching/ circling me in transportation like I was fresh meat. I escaped one time by moving a ring on my ring finger and when they cornered me I told them I was married. It kept most scrotes at bay.

I tend to think they can be as bad as men from gangs that try to draw women into prostitution or camming, lock them in a room and rape them sort of scrotes. Most men that try this approach can be huge jerks, can stalk and even harass you on the street. I have been literally grabbed while running on the escalator to the surface of the subway station. I have been slapped on my butt, pinched, spat on, catcalled, thrown stuff at to get my attention, whistled at, been yelled at extremely vulgar things from a stationing car, been groped then called crazy bitch when I retaliated, stalked - you name it. It is not my fault.

No one intervened, esp the other men present- I miss the older generation of men that opened doors for women at this point. The worst part is that the good looking guys that hold good jobs and give a shit about their future will not engage in this horrible behavior bc of repercussions but the hobosexuals, the general perverts and the undesirables will always resort to this, even to rape. So if you are a woman (not if you are pretty or whatever) you will always be attractive to someone and this shit is always going to hang over your head.

The sad part is that when you're put together, well dressed and have a good career and don't have many complaints about your life, dating is very hard. I had many men ask if there was something wrong with me since I was single, even if only a month or so passed since a breakup. I think that they say this bc they're misogynists. Most men, even apparent HVMs are scrotes at the core and get off on power games or are already rotten by MRA stuff like the sexy-crazy matrix. That's not something you can change - it's them. Some men oscillate wildly between madonna-whore. They watch porn with beautiful women but they cannot go for them so they learn early on to disrespect and try to degrade beautiful ones unless they want a trophy girlfriend who needs to play dumb so they don't feel inferior. The best thing a woman can do is be aware of her value and never settle for less. I personally would never stop on the street just because a man hands me flowers or wants my number or sings that I am beautiful. When he calls me slut/whore/cunt I pretend I do not hear him, especially if I am alone. It is very hard for a man to get a reaction from me now. He could be dying from blood loss - I wouldn't stop walking - sorry not sorry. And while dating, I think back to the days where I didn't vet properly and would end up with someone that made it their life's goal to take the most unflattering photos of me - blurry, chin when laughing, one eye closed, me looking as if I was electrocuted etc. Almost as if he wanted me to look bad, distorted, ugly pr wanted to find fault with me and they also never complimented me/ seemed to avoid doing that (why!?). Men's empathy is already low, so not a surprise.

Pretty girls ALWAYS get approached. Not by everyone. Not necessarily by the guys they want to approach them. Don't forget that beauty is subjective; everyone has their taste. If you're not getting approached, it might be the wrong crowd for you. Nobody can be beautiful to everyone.

Men's dating strategy when they aren't looking for a wife is to go "hogging." I saw this at military school and in the Army. These guys will have sex with anything, and they want NO effort, no strings attached, and girls that are below their league in looks. A guy can have ten 5's in his harem, so why would he go for one 10 and all of the effort that takes? Men's and women's dating strategies are completely reversed. So the good looking, smart, well adjusted women are ignored in favor of many different dalliances. The holy grail for a man is to have a beautiful wife and then to cheat on her with lower quality mistresses. Men's values aren't women's. I remember crying in school to some of my guy friends asking what was wrong with me that nobody was ever interested, and they said, "You're the kind of girl that a guy marries, and since we're not looking to get married, we're not gonna bother with you."

:/ this one really affects your self esteem. I'm considered attractive by my peers and friends. My job is a glamourous one as well. And everyone(of those people) except me is either in a relationship or married. I get catcalled all the time, inappropriate comments or even touches, if I don't laugh at every lame or bad joke anyone is making it becomes a huge deal and such a blow to fragile ego holders.

But no one ever asks me out on a proper date. They tell me they don't believe how I'm not sleeping around or how i don't have a bf. Or that I'm lying that i don't have a bf. And because they don't believe it, they start thinking I'm saying that just to appear single so I can sleep around.

Then they try to convince me to sleep around. "Ohh don't shut yourself down like that"

And when they do believe that I'm single, suddenly there is something wrong with me, because why else would anyone not be dating me? Clearly I'm full of faults and red flags and will ruin a man. Why would I be single for close to 4 years now?

On top of that, I'm not supposed to complain because everyone gives me so much attention all the time right? And i do not have an extrovert personality, so I am not talking to everyone all the time.

It's really hard to not go down the rabbit hole that something, indeed, might be wrong on my end. But thankfully, FDS exists and keeps me in touch with so many other women who experience all the things in the world. I'm glad that all women find relatable topics here and glad for the handbook and everything else helpful also :)

My dad once told me about how he got a date with one of the most popular girls in his high school. It was nearly unbelievable, because she was a pretty cheerleader, and he was a nerd by all senses of the word. It turns out the girl made mention she had never gotten asked out at all and was thrilled at the idea, although she let my dad know early on she wasn't attracted to him (lol).

The other guys at school were congratulating my dad for a week straight. They all had crushes on the girl, too. As it turns out, since they all knew they all liked her, they individually believed the other guys were actively pursuing the girl and thought they'd never have a chance. Because of my dad, they realized nobody ever went forward, and so the status quo changed. The girl ended up dating one of the football players and married him.

So I'd say it's not so much pretty women themselves, as it is other men trying to scout each other out for maximum risk-reward.

I think the odds are that most men are not of high quality anyway, so even if a woman gets approached a lot she will still not be pursued a lot By anyone worthwhile.

there was that one viral video where a guy explains on a graph that the hotter a woman is the crazier she is likely to be and I think men kind of internalized that. Since a lot of them will not blame their own personality(which is terrible, and they can change, but choose not to) for not getting all the women they want they like to say it’s their own looks so then they like to say that the good looking guys all have terrible personalities and then apply it to us as well.

i still remember a guy calling me a ”solid 7-8” and I answered with ”oh ok a c-minus to b-minus?” Because it offended me and he tried to say how it’s a compliment becasue all 9 And 10 women are crazy and that no man wants a 9 or 10. It’s some really messed up logic but if they really think that way then there’s no reason for us to want them either.

although I’m not a big fan of a 1-10 looks scale, I’d say a 9 or 10 would be ideal right? Why bother with someone you’re only mildly attracted to when that sounds like you’d be setting yourself up to lose interest over time.

I only wish I knew. This has been getting me down recently - I keep being told that I'm attractive (by other women), yet I'm never, ever, ever approached or asked out by men, so part of me is now wondering whether that means I am actually utterly hideous but nobody has the heart to tell me. Plenty of guys help themselves to a good gawk mind you, but none ever do anything beyond that. It's really depressing. I just want to know what it is like, for once in my life, to be pursued in an appropriate way by a genuinely interested man. Do any of them even do that any more?

Nope. I never got approached as much as my less attractive friends.

They are afraid of rejection so they invented OLD. If you live nearby, he assumes he'll so you on OLD or otherwise you're not interested.