I don’t think OLD is that bad, but men don’t really read your profile, they’ll just look at your pictures. So your pictures should be good quality, maybe a few of you having fun and being silly. As for writing, I was never good at it but it seems that most have prompts that you fill in now.
Most guys on the apps aren’t any good. So you’ll have to have strong boundaries, high standards and don’t settle. Only accept high effort dates. You still follow fds while OLD.
Take yourself to the date, don’t go to his place or have him come to yours too early and this means picking you up for a date.
If you’re not far on your fds journey I’d say avoid the apps for now. Most men on them are looking for hook ups but they will lie and say they want a relationship. If you follow the handbook these men weed themselves out. But if your slack here and there you’ll find yourself with a lvm/scrote.
DO NOT GIVE THE TITLE OF HVM TOO EARLY!!!!
I see so many posts about going on 3 dates and calling him hv and being confused on date 4 why he’s being a dick. You can’t know if a guy is hv from a few dates. Hvm are consistent over a period of time. Lvm can seem high value when we don’t know them that well.
About controlling myself- I used to be a semi- pick me and bought into sex and hook ups aren’t a big deal, so I got myself into situations that aren’t the best. I know I never want to go back. So it makes it easy.
Typically, I didn’t really explain why I didn’t want sex with these guys. I’d just say I’m not ready. I feel if you say that you’re waiting for a commitment they will tell you what you want to hear. if they were too pushy it’s a block and delete.
The boyfriend I have now, we took things slow and he was respectful about it all. He wasn’t pushy at all. And I think it’s made the relationship strong since we took time to develop an emotional connection first.
Like the others have said we don’t really use OLD here and it’s really not worth your time tbh. From my experience (pre-FDS) though, I think some men read my bio but what I found most interesting was their interpretation of what was there if they did end up reading it. If there was anything hinting at sexuality they would lock onto it immediately. I would be especially cautious about revealing if you are bi (speaking as a bi woman myself). I also put I was “open minded about most things” (in terms of ACTIVITIES and HOBBIES, jfc) and it was always interpreted as being sexually open minded. I got a lot of weird offers and questions about that one…Do not mention video games or any “nerdy” hobbies at all, even if you like them and play them. It’s a shame because I am a big nerd and play games/DnD, but I got sooo many cringey and weird dudes in my messages (ranging from unsolicited “m’lady” types with 6 paragraph essay letters or men interrupting conversations by typing out “EXCELSIOR lol” or “HULK SMASH lol get it”). It was exhausting. I also had pics of me cooking because I enjoy it, and you can probably guess what they had to say about that (“OMG, you can cook for our first date heehee!”). Barf. I’m sure I could think of more but basically my experience was I thought I was showcasing myself and my interests, and nearly everything I put was completely misinterpreted or was locked on to in a way I was not intending or expecting at all.
Basically avoid anything that will attract these types of men and it’s hard to do, but try to view your profile how the nastiest grossest men will see it and interpret it and edit from there. I think you could list out some very general things about yourself (I’m so and so, I like reading and I have a dog) and the rest they need to find out by talking to you. Don’t do all the work for them by putting up a big detailed bio.
So many men weaponize the smallest, most agreeable detail about a hobby in a woman's OLD profile. I had random men message me just to neg or directly insult me, tell me my taste is inferior, etc. I can't deal with men like that.... gamer men almost completely ruined video games for me because of their elitism, sexualization of characters, and overt glee when they own me on a game i have zero interest in, on a platform I'm not familiar with. The few times i would win by dumb luck, they got so pissy. It is literally all the bad things about catty high school girls and unshowered high school boys rolled into a supposed man I am expected to want 🤢🤢🤢 none of my friends or family do this, but apparently i wa supposed to tolerate these huge character flaws and immaturity because reasons 🙄🤬
Unknown member
Apr 23, 2023
They can make AI abuse porn with just an image now, so no pictures of your body. Even with clothes.
Be aware that any dude can take your face and make AI porn with it.
I think a lot of the advice here is good and I don't have anything to add except to be mindful of the app(s) you choose to use. I prefer Hinge because I can remove people who show up which is basically the same as blocking so that my profile won't show up to them to swipe on. For example, I am childfree. If Hinge shows me a profile of a man who has "Wants Children" on his profile, I can simply click Remove and filter him out before he even gets the chance to try to match with me. This of course applies to scrotey profiles too. It's better than simply swiping left because your profile will never show up to them and they won't be able to waste your time.
I don’t post pictures of my body at all. Even my face pictures are not super clear so they can’t really reverse look me up on Google. I also never ever use my real name or my real email. I use an email for dating apps that I use for shopping purposes only. My profile has one word answers, very vague so I can get as I like. I get so many likes but I swipe 99% on most men. I can easily sense red flags right away now thanks to FDS. Honestly I will continue using it casually just to get into the habit of vetting, talking and unmatching. If I end up meeting someone great, if not I’m still content and happy with my life 😊
OLD is definitely a cesspool of danger and can cause a lot of trauma. I think a lot of the darker personality types (at least for men) get on there disproportionately. But if you're going to use it, I would advise never giving the impression that you're too empathic/nurturing. Psychopaths look for that. Always look out for your own maximum benefit and look at things more transactionally (what am I getting out of this? Is this convo even interesting? Am I attracted to him? Is he offering a good date plan?) Don't spend too much of your day chatting with people - let them earn that over time. Don't do any emotional labor or give anything during chats that would be considered "helpful" to these men (i.e. wisdom, career tips, sexual interest, compliments) because they have not earned any of this from you. Reserve your empathy until they've proven they're high-effort and willing to invest, have taken the time to get to know you...and even then, never show all of it.
Most men don’t read your profile, they look at photos. I would put tasteful pics of yourself (no bikini photos etc). As for the prompts, I think the biggest thing is to not reveal too much. Now is not the time to be vulnerable or give people too much information about you. This is a dating app where virtually everyone can see what you say. It’s not the time to mention therapy, things you’re not happy with in life, what you hate about men, etc. I would just keep it light.
The bigger thing to focus on in OLD is not boosting your own profile as you’ll get many swipes no matter what, but rather focusing on filtering out all the LVM.
It’s good advice but I’m like the opposite lol - I view all men on OLD as NPCs even after 2-3 dates with them 😂 they aren’t real to me and I can’t possibly get invested in them emotionally. Especially not before even meeting
Unknown member
Apr 23, 2023
You've come to the wrong place. Most of us aren't using apps, I think.
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It doesn't matter what you write. Men don't read the profile. They swipe on everyone.
I don’t think OLD is that bad, but men don’t really read your profile, they’ll just look at your pictures. So your pictures should be good quality, maybe a few of you having fun and being silly. As for writing, I was never good at it but it seems that most have prompts that you fill in now.
Most guys on the apps aren’t any good. So you’ll have to have strong boundaries, high standards and don’t settle. Only accept high effort dates. You still follow fds while OLD.
Take yourself to the date, don’t go to his place or have him come to yours too early and this means picking you up for a date.
If you’re not far on your fds journey I’d say avoid the apps for now. Most men on them are looking for hook ups but they will lie and say they want a relationship. If you follow the handbook these men weed themselves out. But if your slack here and there you’ll find yourself with a lvm/scrote.
DO NOT GIVE THE TITLE OF HVM TOO EARLY!!!!
I see so many posts about going on 3 dates and calling him hv and being confused on date 4 why he’s being a dick. You can’t know if a guy is hv from a few dates. Hvm are consistent over a period of time. Lvm can seem high value when we don’t know them that well.
Go into OLD being smart
Like the others have said we don’t really use OLD here and it’s really not worth your time tbh. From my experience (pre-FDS) though, I think some men read my bio but what I found most interesting was their interpretation of what was there if they did end up reading it. If there was anything hinting at sexuality they would lock onto it immediately. I would be especially cautious about revealing if you are bi (speaking as a bi woman myself). I also put I was “open minded about most things” (in terms of ACTIVITIES and HOBBIES, jfc) and it was always interpreted as being sexually open minded. I got a lot of weird offers and questions about that one…Do not mention video games or any “nerdy” hobbies at all, even if you like them and play them. It’s a shame because I am a big nerd and play games/DnD, but I got sooo many cringey and weird dudes in my messages (ranging from unsolicited “m’lady” types with 6 paragraph essay letters or men interrupting conversations by typing out “EXCELSIOR lol” or “HULK SMASH lol get it”). It was exhausting. I also had pics of me cooking because I enjoy it, and you can probably guess what they had to say about that (“OMG, you can cook for our first date heehee!”). Barf. I’m sure I could think of more but basically my experience was I thought I was showcasing myself and my interests, and nearly everything I put was completely misinterpreted or was locked on to in a way I was not intending or expecting at all.
Basically avoid anything that will attract these types of men and it’s hard to do, but try to view your profile how the nastiest grossest men will see it and interpret it and edit from there. I think you could list out some very general things about yourself (I’m so and so, I like reading and I have a dog) and the rest they need to find out by talking to you. Don’t do all the work for them by putting up a big detailed bio.
They can make AI abuse porn with just an image now, so no pictures of your body. Even with clothes.
Be aware that any dude can take your face and make AI porn with it.
I think a lot of the advice here is good and I don't have anything to add except to be mindful of the app(s) you choose to use. I prefer Hinge because I can remove people who show up which is basically the same as blocking so that my profile won't show up to them to swipe on. For example, I am childfree. If Hinge shows me a profile of a man who has "Wants Children" on his profile, I can simply click Remove and filter him out before he even gets the chance to try to match with me. This of course applies to scrotey profiles too. It's better than simply swiping left because your profile will never show up to them and they won't be able to waste your time.
Advice - delete the apps. You will be so much better off! Be well
I don’t post pictures of my body at all. Even my face pictures are not super clear so they can’t really reverse look me up on Google. I also never ever use my real name or my real email. I use an email for dating apps that I use for shopping purposes only. My profile has one word answers, very vague so I can get as I like. I get so many likes but I swipe 99% on most men. I can easily sense red flags right away now thanks to FDS. Honestly I will continue using it casually just to get into the habit of vetting, talking and unmatching. If I end up meeting someone great, if not I’m still content and happy with my life 😊
OLD is definitely a cesspool of danger and can cause a lot of trauma. I think a lot of the darker personality types (at least for men) get on there disproportionately. But if you're going to use it, I would advise never giving the impression that you're too empathic/nurturing. Psychopaths look for that. Always look out for your own maximum benefit and look at things more transactionally (what am I getting out of this? Is this convo even interesting? Am I attracted to him? Is he offering a good date plan?) Don't spend too much of your day chatting with people - let them earn that over time. Don't do any emotional labor or give anything during chats that would be considered "helpful" to these men (i.e. wisdom, career tips, sexual interest, compliments) because they have not earned any of this from you. Reserve your empathy until they've proven they're high-effort and willing to invest, have taken the time to get to know you...and even then, never show all of it.
Most men don’t read your profile, they look at photos. I would put tasteful pics of yourself (no bikini photos etc). As for the prompts, I think the biggest thing is to not reveal too much. Now is not the time to be vulnerable or give people too much information about you. This is a dating app where virtually everyone can see what you say. It’s not the time to mention therapy, things you’re not happy with in life, what you hate about men, etc. I would just keep it light.
The bigger thing to focus on in OLD is not boosting your own profile as you’ll get many swipes no matter what, but rather focusing on filtering out all the LVM.
You've come to the wrong place. Most of us aren't using apps, I think.