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I feel defeated somewhat. I've been effectively single since the last half of 2018, after leaving an abusive marriage, and all I've done was gone on terrible dates and involved in a number of failed talking stages. I've done therapy. I've done self-healing. I've joined FDS on Reddit last year. I've had a major crush that ended up quite badly and made myself block the person. That one happened was a little over a year ago today. And ever since then... I've been falling in love with my own solitude.
I love waking up having to answer nobody. I love going to work and going to school and not have to worry about whether I'm spending enough time with a partner or making them feel lonely. I love not worrying about having to pay my half of the dates when men want to take me out. I love not liking anybody and having to cry my heart out when it doesn't work out the way I envision it in my head. I love getting to wear the clothes I want, wear the hairstyle I like, not wearing makeup and worrying if I look sexually attractive enough for my partner or dates, and eating the foods I enjoy without having someone scream at me about things like calories or that my gluten sensitivity "isn't real". I love having my periods in peace and not have to feel ashamed of the tiny messes on the floor that a man would freak out over. I love knowing I can just up and move or travel anywhere without having a scrote freak out over that, too. I love having a big bed to myself to sleep in and sprawl without having to fight for the space with a partner. Sleeping next to my ex-husband was hell on Earth, and I never felt well rested when I was with him.
I love not being cheated on, being compared to other women who aren't me, having to worry about female best friends or ex-girlfriends or sexy new coworkers coming onto my man. I love not being lied to anymore. I love not having my imperfections pointed out. I love not having to worry about the little every day things like if my partner has eaten yet, or if the correct bills were paid, or if I have to remind them to please call their mother back. I love not having to be someone's mommy. I love not having to be someone's headache. I love not having someone who gives ME a headache. I love not having to go on boring dates with new people again and again. I love not having to impress a partner's family or friends and having to deal with them treating me like shit because I'm just an annoying girlfriend or haggard wife.
And it just makes me feel so defeated. Growing up, I was a huge romantic at heart. I wanted to be married with children. I always told my classmates about it. I dreamed of a beautiful wedding with everyone invited. I dreamed of a deep soulmate connection with someone special. My mom introduced me to the Titanic movie when I was in elementary school (It was the 90s so things felt more freer and like nobody cared if a kid caught a sight of a nipple back then idk lol) and ever since then, I always dreamed of meeting The One. I dated and tried super hard to be the best partner I can be, which was proven impossibly difficult given that my exes did everything they could to drive me insane and become the bad guy in the end. And they always won that. I'm so tired of it.
Is this normal? Does it go away? Is this just a sign that I have maybe leveled up so much mentally, that now only a very special person could change my mind? Is it healthy or not? I just feel so... aromantic, it's weird.
Very normal. Tbh I just want to be successful enough to care for myself and give myself the life I want. That’s my highest priority. At some point I was so disillusioned I actually seriously thought I was asexual. My sex drive completely plummeted. I grew up devouring romance novels and still revert to them in times of high stress so I definitely understand what it feels like to become jaded. I don’t think it’s healthy or unhealthy to feel this way, it’s just a human response to the overwhelming scrotery out there. An indefinite break helped me feel better.
I’m 54, twice married, happy the second time even though he was older and had health issues. These days, being post-menopausal, I am asexual, or rather grey-sexual. I can feel attraction to a man, but all of the pick me wanting attention and validation is just gone. I can look at a man and think huh, cute, and then 10 seconds later it's out of sight, out of mine. It's freeing, so very freeing. I focus on myself, family, friends, community, going to the gym, my artwork, and I've made a quiet, simple, peaceful life.
I'm of the opinion that if a match is meant to be, you'll know very quickly. A certain energy will be there; they'll match your vibration and be at your level. You'll get on like a house afire! You'll be able to communicate freely about everything and it'll be EASY. It'll be nearly effortless to get and stay close because you're just truly compatible. I had that with Jack, late second husband. It's why as an older, overweight woman who's plain-average, my standards are sky high. I've been loved well and truly. There is no settling for less.
I've been divorced since 2006 and still haven't met one decent, single man. I'm so over men and these fairytale visions we were sold as young girls about how we'd have a good family and husband. I can't even find a man who thinks I'm a human being that deserves respect and care. In 2013, I realized as I walked home from the gym on a Friday night thar I was finally happy to not be crying over some guy who just pretended to like me for a moment in time. It's very freeing to do what I want to do, eat the steak that I want, sleep when I want, not have to listen to a man snoring like a freight train next to me, to not be insulted and put down when I'm doing my very best to be a good wife, etc. The effort I put into marriage and relationships was never even 50% returned to me by a male. So what's the point? At this stage, unless some awesome millionaire saint walks into my life with a certificate signed by God stating that he's a great man and will not hurt me, I'll just stick to myself. I just can't get excited anymore about love when men have shown me my entire life that love doesn't exist.
It is very normal to feel this way. The more you grow to love yourself, your own company and solitude, you will feel this way. Let's not forget that this normal feeling is also the result of most men being trash scrotes...it's only natural to be repelled by romantic relationships when the overwhelming majority of men are abusive, useless and parasitic. All the reasons you have listed are the result of dealing with abusive & misogynistic scrotes who feel entitled to controlling a woman's body and having a woman's emotional labor & free sexual access.
I just started going through this too, I recently dated a man with low self-esteem who would constantly tell me that I can find someone better. I got the sentiment, and agree that I deserve better, but I find it difficult to believe that a better man is out there. Even if a better guy does exist, even if we had compatible personalities, I just don’t want to sort through garbage to find him.
Maybe, I dunno. At least I am. I think love's been way too glorified (I'm not even going to open the can called struggle love), it's sold to people as a one size fits all miracle cure. Just look at all the movies & stories where women are whisked off their feet by wealthy/successful men, and vice versa though the gender bent version is a whole different level of pathetic. Not that I've spoken to every person on the planet, but I think it's due to a lot of people feeling like messes and not knowing how to cope & this media acts like a crutch. Like if book so-and-so got saved from her short sad miserable life, the same can happen to me I just need to hang on!!! Which is hilarious as I highly doubt a wealthy person would marry so low down (but hey those stories sell). As a result, we have a lot of grown ass adults still running around and kissing frogs in the metaphorical sense. I highly doubt ancient women were walking around and waiting for a partner, they probs went on with their lives until a suitable partner approached that bettered their current lives. Humans (Lets be real, men) somehow managed to warp love (regardless of it's kind) into something so complicated and grotesque (rather than a chemical reaction there to ensure the survival of women).
I feel this too and I used to be a die hard romantic too. Still read romance novels but honestly being in a relationship with a man just takes away from my freedom, peace and wellbeing even if he’s a provider. I hate that 90% of men these days leave you with doubt. I don’t want to put up with that doubt anymore. i love my own company and having pets and my own home to live in alone and decorate it however I want and not have to answer to anyone.
all men do is cheat, lie, manipulate, use you, and put in low effort so i’ve noticed this and now i just worry about myself and it saves myself the trouble
I think that just about every woman has a sudden jarring realization at least once in her life that 99 percent of men view us as inhumane and could care less about us so long as they get their needs met. Mine came at 16. I do think men are inherently selfish and it takes tremendous self reflection and a humble attitude for them to realize how their inherent privileges affects the way they treat women.
Disney movies are a lie spun by Hollywood, the scrottiest industry in the world, to convince women that they need a man to be considered worthy. funny how there aren't any single disney princesses just living their best lives. Keep living your best life sis, if a HVM comes into your life that's great but it should be on your terms only
Same here. I'm 25, I make 6 figs, I live alone, I pay all my bills, I cook, I clean, I'm self sufficient, and I'm happy being in my own space. Men are just here to bring me irritation and sadness