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My sex drive died when the draft of the SCOTUS opinion was leaked. I can’t be the only one. I’m so angry that my boyfriend is just allowed to be horny and I have to feel like I’m guarding my womb for my literal life at all times. Everything in the relationship was going smoothly before my government got involved. These fears have always been present and I never considered abortion to be a small ordeal but at least it was THERE. I could take precautions but rest easier in knowing there was one last fail safe should the worst happen.
I can’t relax enough to enjoy sex anymore. I resent him for being allowed to feel the urge and stay present in the moment and then make a move to see how I respond (he’s not pushy or creepy but not shy either) all while I am doing mental math about my cycle, feeling guilty for just shutting it down the day Roe was overturned, wondering if I should go back on the pill, wondering if those condoms are in the drawer etc etc and I can see in his dreamy carefree eyes that all he has thought is “she looks nice. Let me hug her from behind and kiss her on the neck and see where it goes”. I am jaded and forever vetting so I won’t call him a HVM just yet but when just considering attractiveness, he is out of my league in the looks department. I lucked out in that respect. I couldn’t be more physically attracted and where I used to just look at him and feel a smug sense of satisfaction with tingles, I now become, (imo rationally) enraged that I don’t have the luxury of just being able to act on my attraction and enjoy it like he does; I have all these life and death issues to consider first.
I have talked to him about it and he’s been as understanding and considerate as I think any born male could reasonably be expected to be so it really sucks because there won’t be any ComMunICatiNG to fix this. At the same time I know he logically has to be feeling the frustration I am sexually at this point even if he has been on his best behavior with never nagging me but I still have this idea internalized that no young straight man on earth would stay faithful forever to a woman who refused sex 100% of the time. I feel this sense of dread all the time that he’ll eventually leave me over it (even though he swears he wouldn’t) but I won’t budge on this so if he does, he does. Why can’t I have nice things? We are both on the same page about it and there’s nothing to “fix”. This time, the problem isn’t really with him. He listens to these rants a lot and knows not to keep trying if I’m not immediately receptive but I’m just still so mad that he doesn’t have to worry in the same way and never will. Yes that has always been true but it just feels next level at this point.
Any ideas on what constructive things I could do with this rage besides the gym? Because I simply cannot accept things the way that they are. I swing from believing other women are under reacting to feeling like I’m overreacting so ladies, how ARE you reacting and coping? Help me out. I may or may not want to have children with him at some point so I haven’t asked him to get a vasectomy and don’t even think I want that although it’s feeling like one of the better options at this point…
What is he doing to share this burden with you? Also tracking your cycle so you can feel relaxed on non-fertile days? Providing a regular, plentiful supply of condoms and enthusiastically wearing them? Giving you generously unreciprocated oral on your fertile days? Verbally acknowledging and demonstrating gratitude for the inherently unequal and terrifying position you are in as a woman, without you initiating the topic? If he’s “carefree,” that doesn’t cut it, no matter how hot he is, he’s not a HVM. It takes more than ever to be a HVM post-Roe, and men who aren’t one don’t deserve our bodies and ourselves.
I'm bi and I'm finding that my attraction to men has completely died off and I'm just so much more into women. I'm not sure if it's seeing the indifference of men to our situation. The total lack of empathy from men for women. Just disgusting.
"I resent him" then drop him. The relationship is over, he didn't rise to the challenge of making you comfortable post-Roe. Next. Block and delete.
"resent" "dread" "anger", you're not supposed to feel any of these in a relationship. It doesn't matter that it isn't "his fault" or "fair": does he benefit your life? Is he trying and succeeding in addressing your negative feelings? No? Then he's not it, thanks and goodbye.
HVM is NOT "being better than the average scrote". HVM is about rising up to our absolute set of standards and making our lives BETTER. If they exist, good, if they don't, we're still happy single. Is this relationship REALLY better than being single and busy with your life without dreading pregnancy every day?
it’s crazy how selfish men are. i’m about to go on a rant here actually. even when i was on dating apps at the time, they still insisted on hook ups. they don’t even want to court you. just free sex with no strings or emotions attached. i realized i shouldn’t even be doing any of that because if I were to get pregnant, they probably wouldn’t help. Men don’t care about you unless they’re “in love” with you. i had to realize that. They’re not interested in our personalities and hobbies. they just think about sex. they don’t even care about this r0e v w@de stuff because it doesn’t affect them. I feel like some get a kick out of women being forced to have children they didn’t want.
I am single and have been for five years. I've dated on and off since then but let me tell you, between my human rights being stripped away and my experiences on dating apps and real life situations, I am REALLY feeling antagonistic to men and dating. If a HVM shows up, great, but I'm still not guaranteed my rights.... 😒
So, they can all go fuck themselves and each other as far as I'm concerned.
Republican Sarah Palin just lost the only Alaskan US house seat to Democrat Mary Peltola
Vote, vote, vote.
A few years ago I had a relationship with a man who I really did not want to have a baby with. I wasn't on birth control due to side effects but I definitely considered going back on it for peace of mind. I would end up freaking out and taking plan B almost every time we had sex. I live in Australia so abortion is legal, and I am pro-choice, but it's not something that I would ever be likely to do personally. He was not super cooperative with condoms either, and was not empathetic enough to the internal turmoil & stress that being sexually active with him caused me (plus plan B side effects). We broke up for many reasons but since then I have really wondered, is having a sexual relationship with a man you don't want to reproduce with really worth it for women? Is it worth all that stress, mental labour in tracking your cycle, side effects from birth control, and potentially side effects from getting an abortion? Is the sex that amazing to make up for it? 😅 Men don't suffer from these relationships but women certainly do- unless they have been sterilised. I decided it wasn't worth it for me and haven't had sex unless I was comfortable with getting pregnant since then. I think every woman needs to weigh up if this kind of relationship is worth the risks for them. Maybe it is worth it for you- if so keep going. You can get him to bear more of your burden but unfortunately he will never bear as much of the burden that you do.
I live in a state where abortion is legal, but if it wasn't, I wouldn't be too worried because I could just go to a state where it was. I don't forsee the entire country going red in that regard. For that reason, I am not freaking out that much. But anyway, in my experience, if a man really, and I mean, actually loves you, he won't care if you won't or can't have sex with him as long as intimacy is still on the table. So, if you're pulling back on sex, that's fine, just make sure you bolster your intimacy rituals with him. My partner and I have not been able to have sex the past 7 months due to my high risk pregnancy. Now that our baby is born, we still can't have sex until after I initially heal from my c section, so another 6 weeks minimum. But I feel like we have never been closer or loved each other more because we've focused on intimacy that does not involve our genitals. It's pretty powerful. If you are going to be in a long term relationship, there will be many times where sex is off the table due to illness, disability, menopause, etc, so might as well figure out how to deal with that sooner than later.
You're not overreacting. I was in a forced marriage in my teens, I had planned to be childless but had 2 children, my fertility was used as a weapon against me and I was cut off from an education in spite of being offered a scholarship, it ruined my life. I went to a gyno when I left my ex and asked the dr if he could tie my tubes, he said not without the consent of my (abusive seperated) husband who wasn't about to let that happen. I wasn't able to take the pill or hormonal forms of birth control because it caused me to have chronic daily migraine and it was too high risk for stroke, him and the family wouldn't allow me to see a dr when I was with him anyway. I aborted the 3rd pregnancy. I wasn't able to enjoy sex again until I found another gyno and had my fertility ended surgically.
I fear for what will happen to women if they can't control their own fertility. I wonder how many at risk women in situations like I was in with a controlling family will seek more extreme versions of birth control like I did just to protect themselves from abuse. It's not just a matter of having a child or not, men can and do use pregnancy as a way of chaining a woman to him or sabotage her future (especially if she's successful), it's especially prevalent in minority groups where women are seen as a come up, and women are most vulnerable when they're pregnant.
All I can think of is can you move to a state where it's legal? It's supposed to be a democracy, how can they ignore the will of the majority, if that is the will of the majority I'd move because that would just be the tip of the iceberg. I know there's been advances in birth control but nothing is 100%, there is the option to freeze sperm if your partner is willing to take one for the team and have the vasectomy.
Another option on the political front could be to push for it to be illegal for anyone to hinder a person from surgically ending their fertility and demand it be free and government funded. not because thats any kind of alternative but because in a country that isn't a fan of immigration and relies on a birth rate for economic stability women threatening to stop having children would send a whole lot of people into a tailspin and it might be enough to swing the pendulum back in the opposite direction.
Just curious but is there a reason you aren't sure if you should be on contraceptive?