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There was a post some time ago on a lady who had a guy chasing her. She liked him and didn't hide her feelings for him so she started to show how she felt. She mentioned how they had gone for a date at a restaurant and the guy parked his car some distance away so she offered to drive him to his car. She said that he seemed weirded out by her wanting to help him and if I remember correctly, a big part of why they didn't work out is because of her showing that she liked him.
Her experience is like many others that women have had where the minute you start to show interest in a guy, he runs away and feels uncomfortable, awkward and weirded out by you or he stays and decides to hurt you. This is why, worldwide, women have been told that men should always love them more and that that is the only way for a relationship to work. It blew my mind when I read of so many women, all over the world, saying that their mothers, older sisters, grannies, etc, all gave them the same advice. That was when it confirmed to me how warped men are and that women can only be treated well when the man cares more. How sad is it that women are essentially not allowed to show how they feel. If we do show how we feel, we must be strategic with it; e.g. only showing our feelings some time into a relationship and not right away and even when we do, it must be subtle and subdued.
On one hand, men complain when women seem subtle, detached, unemotional or uninterested in them but the minute women show our interest in the form of smiles, laughter, hugs, phone calls, you name it, they run away immediately, show how uncomfortable they feel before running away or they stay put but start to manipulate and hurt the woman, as if wanting to punish her for being emotional. How many stories have I read of men being "creeped out" that a woman double-texted them? Imagine that being a cause for concern?!
It's one of the many frustrating things about men that I've personally experienced and have seen my friends and other women experience.
Can anyone else relate to this?
Yep. For me, it's mostly that once I start showing my love, they start acting like assholes. And what's crazy ironic to me, is that when I've been in this situation, it's mainly been with guys who are actually out of my league.
Like as soon as the guy feels like I'm hooked, he deludes himself into believing that I will never leave. So he gets lazy and disrespectful or demands that I jump through hoops backwards to keep "proving" myself to him--somehow the more I do and the more I show my love, the more detached and demanding he gets.
And then when I fall out of love and leave, they are absolutely shocked. "But I thought you loved me!" Yeah, I did. In the past tense.
I've more or less made peace with it. I prefer to go through my relationships honestly. I apply FDS teachings and that has helped a lot--I don't buy gifts or pay for our dates, but I show my love in other ways. I'm not going to pretend to be detached if I really like the guy. If he's the type of guy to flip once I really fall for him, I'd rather know sooner than later.
Omg thank you for posting this, it is a MADDENING phenomenon. The men who did the most for me and treated me most kindly were the ones I was romantically on the fence about or lowkey didn't actually like that much. Never gave them any compliments, one of them I literally barely kissed (never in public), and didn't help them with literally anything. The psychopath who emotionally wrecked me, manipulated me, and misrepresented himself and his intentions was the one I was the kindest, most accommodating, and most openly affectionate towards while we dated. Thank goodness for FDS and therapy, hoping to get with someone stable but this phenomenon is insane! Guess I'll just have to wait until WELL into my marriage to actually show any affection at all lol
I’ve also noticed that if a woman does anything to help a man in any way, he’ll usually resent her for it. It’s like his ego is wounded and he directs that anger towards her. I don’t know if it’s because he feels emasculated or what, but it’s just another reason to never do wifey stuff for the men we date. I can’t imagine getting angry at someone for being kind and helpful to me. It’s just warped and illogical but I’ve seen it so many times. My last relationship ended after my ex got hysterical over me offering to help him with a project that was stressing him out. He actually screamed at me about how he didn’t need my help. Silly me, I was just trying to be nice and it got me screamed at. Now I know better than to try to help men.
I have made the mistake of showing a man my interest in him and I have 100% lived to regret it. They start taking you for granted, acting like you’re an option and somehow they’re better than you when they’re a medium ugly loser with a low-paying job and grubby clothes! I find the worse I treat men, the better they are to me, and I know games aren’t recommended but I like to see how far they’ll go. When I go quiet and distant or downright start negatively commenting on their lifestyles they are always ready to one up themselves and work laboriously to win back the positive attention. Sherry said it best: men love bitches. I hate that word but it’s the best descriptor I can find.
Yes!! A few years ago, I used to hang out with a boy from school who had had a crush on me throughout most of his adolescence. He was a shy kid and when he finally got the courage to ask me out, I wasn't particularly interested. Fast foward when I was 19, I saw that he might have changed for the better and started to be less shy, more sociable, more my type. I gave him a chance and fell in love with him and boy, he made me pay for all the times that I was detached and unemotional. In the safe space of our relationship, I allowed myself to be open and honest about my feelings only for him to act disgusted with me. He was my first boyfriend and things with men haven't changed much since then.
Time and time again, men have persued me when I don't like them but when I start to give them the small ounce of attention, they act repulsed. Of course, all these guys are LVM or even NVM but this is a tale as old as time: the man should love more in a relationship with a woman, period.
“Treat him mean, keep him keen” is an expression for a reason. Many men are attracted to pain & chaos. It’s also why they never truly get over their wild ex who cheated on him, the mother of his children etc.
The most traumatic relationship I've ever been in was with a guy I was initially on the fence about, who worked hard to win me over and rushed me into moving in with him. And then, boom: gamer, mama's boy, obsessed with his ex, triangulating me against any and every woman to smile in his direction, etc.
Every LVM to approach me before and after him has been that way. The moment you express genuine care for them, they punish you — for either not caring sooner, or for expressing emotions they don't have access to. Chaos IS love for them. I've learned that if I don't want my heart to harden, it's best to express how I feel when I'm feeling it from a safe distance, but run at first sight of these weird-ass domination campaigns.
I have a couple theories on this after having been through it once before.
I believe that if I'm energetically in a masculine place - I'm going to turn off a masculine man. Something as small as offering to take care of him by driving him back to his car could have been enough to trigger that. Our men take care of us, not the other way around. I believe there is a difference between how men take care of us and how we nurture.
Or, you're just dealing with a narcissist.
Or both.
I strongly believe that we can be with men who love us as fiercely as we love them. Where the chemistry is mutual, the sex is amazing, yet we still feel safe and loved. I've been doing a lot of feminine embodiment work to release the subconscious patterns that were attracting men like this to me in the first place. Now the only men I allow into my space are high quality, and I don't really worry about this kind of thing happening anymore.
I also abstain from sex during the dating phase so I am more in tuned to my intuition and therefore better able to make informed decisions. It helps to be able to cut ties quickly when you need to.
Such men have not developed enough maturity to receive love & appreciate it. They are also more likely to be egoistic & looking for a challenge once won, becomes repulsive or forgotten. They are not looking for LT healthy relationships where mutual love is present.
Idk if you've seen Kiera breaugh on TikTok but she talked about this and it finally made sense why I don't like men. Even when I finally could emotionally connect with one, I'd honestly stop and ask myself these questions bc I didn't want my normal levels of affection and excitement to get in the way of his training which would piss me off so. Fkin. Much. You mean I have to limit myself bc you don't know how to act??? Nope. Cancelled. Shut it all down 🙈
I chased my then crush at the time (pick me), he treated me like crap. I was very sweet, honest, upfront. He treated me so bad, I ended up just leaving him at a event we went to and ran off with my best friend at the time cause he lived in that town. Friend drove me back home next county over.
Two years later, ex is in my ig dm- no apologies, him just acting stupid like he didn't do anything wrong and trying to pick up where we left off like buddy buddy "long time no see". I had not blocked him because I was posting all my IG pictures of my glow up :). I still dumped him and blocked him on and off because he pissed me off that much. In those 2 years I never reached out to him, did not wish to talk to him anymore, and he STILL had the audacity to want to speak to me like nothing happened. I don't care if he's a changed man anymore someone else can have him. IDK Who is going to put up with his crap but I wished him good luck and told him to eff off. I tried being his friend, I tried being friendly, I tried being myself he wasn't receptive and that's OK but he needed to leave me alone after all that drama. Men out here saying no one listens to them or how women aren't friends to them is bullcrap. Men are just abusers.
Pretty obvious that he either 1. Didn't have a car or 2. Was embarrassed about his car and that's why he weirded out. He broke it off rather than her find out.