I don’t think I can ever enjoy being in a relationship due to the MaleGaze and Porn in our society

I think women don't know what to do. They see all this stuff being normalized and don't think they can object to it. So many men follow thirst traps and watch porn. Women put up with it to be in a relationship.

FDS has made me see what terrible advice we get from a young age. Women tolerate things they should not because they've been told to put men's needs first.

In the past, women had few choices but to put up with terrible treatment. At least now there are more options and women can refuse to tolerate things. But this means staying single and having very high standards.

"In the past, women had few choices but to put up with terrible treatment." Yup, that's why I slightly pushed back on the statement that "women decades ago didn't have to deal with this". It's true that they didn't have to deal with the specific issue of internet porn, but they didn't have many options to escape male sexual depravity otherwise. I'd rather live today where I can, as you said, choose to be single and still have a good life. In a way, the fact that men are living out their worst fantasies out in the open now can be a blessing in disguise. It warns us about LVM early. We can point to them and say: look, they're not even hiding it anymore. More and more women are opting out for a reason. As much as I'd wish that it was all thanks to radical feminism, I think that it's more due to the fact that women just can't continue to ignore how blatantly and proudly men are displaying their hatred of women these days. Men are unwilling to keep up with the times and therefore they're losing access to real life women. Many will retreat into the deepest depths of all the new AI and VR porn, and will effectively eradicate their own lineage, making space for a better generation of men. At least I think that's how it might play out. That's why I say: let them wreck their brains and masturbate themselves stupid, they're self-selecting out of the gene pool.

100% agree with all your points. Our time has unique challenges but I would still rather be alive right now than any other time in history. We do have the ability to opt out and not tolerate what men are doing.

You articulated it perfectly and maybe it's why I am struggling to move past a recent experience. It's a shock to my system to be treated badly by men who I was kind, caring, and compassionate toward. I trusted them and opened up to them emotionally, under the naïve assumption that I would receive respect and dignity.

I lost my dad as a teen. Some women will respond by getting involved with men and seeking connection to them. My looks and my invisibility caused me to run away, to shut all of that out, suppress desire, wall myself off. To let these men in, then, required so much of me and the stakes were much higher. My system is indeed in shock even now. I don't know how to move past it.

The most recent experience has been terribly challenging because, for the first time in my life, I thought I mattered to a man (besides my dad of course). This guy made me believe he cared about me. To a woman like me who has never known that, it was devastating to receive it and then be discarded and ghosted, to realize he never meant it and never felt anything for me. My mind wonders how this can be.

My intuition was right my whole life. It told me to not go near men. Deep down, I knew they would hurt me. I also knew he wasn't a good guy. I had hope. I lived in my fantasies to escape the pain of my daily life. I was just something to give him an ego boost and placate his boredom.

It's a harsh awakening when you see how disposable you are to men. I wish i had never known this feeling. All i can do is be smarter and keep men out of my life and my heart.

I found that experiences which negatively alter your nervous system sadly can't be overcome by intellectualizing, analyzing and overall just being in your mind. The only way to heal, imo, is to experience physical safety as often as possible. The sudden breaking of an emotional attachment registers to our subconscious as a threat to our very survival. Your body thinks you are in grave danger, at risk to be ostracized and rejected aka left to die. It is normal to feel distraught by this and unable to just "move on" by sheer willpower.

There is no rational explanation as to "why" men act this way -- one can attempt to explain it, but in the end these behaviors are also rooted in deep subconscious emotions and maybe traumas, so irrational by definition. There is no sense in this, no "closure". The only closure is healing by whatever means necessary.

Thank you for your response. You remind me that I am getting too in my head when I need to connect to my body and do all I can to regulate my nervous system better. I do tarot. I did a year ahead spread and pulled a card for every month. September's card is Ten of Swords and how accurate it is right now. The swords represent the element of air and are connected to the mind and our thoughts. Your comment made me realize how deep i am in the intellectualizing, overwhelmed by thoughts and regrets and self-recrimination. I will be centering my body more as i go forward. My thoughts are, in fact, affecting my body and I feel terrible physically. This pain has taken a toll on every part of me.

Same. I use social media pretty lightly and am mindful of what I watch. My bf is the same way and actually quit GoT because it made him uncomfortable (I did too and to this day I don't know how it ends nor do I want to know). When we watch any movie or show that has distasteful moments we both have the same instant cringe reaction. So these men do exist.

This! I think I'd call this "being principled". I am a quite idealistic and opinionated person and I don't want a man who thrives in moral ambiguity and will play devil's advocate ("but how can you really know that this is bad, hmmm?") like my ex did. It was impossible to even talk to him about why monogamy is important to me or why I dislike violent movies, he would try to get me to take other perspectives and accused me of being close-minded when I didn't. I can fully respect that other people have different opinions, and I'm open to being wrong, but no one can tell me what I should want for my life and do with my time. With my bf, I don't have to argue about stuff like that, he already has quite strong morals that are not up for debate. Even in the cases where we do differ, it's not a competition of who has the better arguments, we respect each other's choices.

It’s a very porn centered culture now for sure

Jesus, I don't get how choking is considered hot or whatever. It's literally violence, and it doesn't belong in things like sex. That's just degeneracy, and I absolute despise the fact that it's so normalized in our culture.

It's so funny that men complain that women are also having "commitment issues" these days and don't want to settle down, when it is them who created that very situation. They treat women like disposable c*m buckets and now they're appalled that women stopped believing in monogamy and healthy long-term relationships. Go figure.

I think that’s ok as long as they don’t think you are in a relationship with them or it’s causal. I have done this before. I’ve had about 2 non comminuted situationships at once. It’s like testing the waters. I also do believe in the 90 day rule. If they aren’t right they always flake before the 90 days. I do think that’s one of the best mind sets if your going to date. I try not to get my hopes up anymore. Also I’ve learned that if I’m serious about him I have to wait for sex cause my feelings get too attached with that.

It is paradoxical and a recipe for misery. These blokes sabotage themselves when they treat us so poorly and expect us to be committed to them as early as the "talking stage." 🤦🏻‍♀️ yet if a woman goes on dinner dates with multiple men prior to committing to a relationship, it's the worst thing ever 🙄