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This isn't just my line in the sand; it's carved into rock! I fully believe that it's a big mistake to live with someone without a legally binding connection i.e. marriage. I don't run around yelling this, but when it comes up in conversation, my female friends look at me like I'm a relic in a museum case.
I point out to them that male/female living situations almost always end up with the woman doing the majority of the housework including bills and mental labor. Of course there are always exceptions, but they've been rare in my experience. And if you (the woman), living alone, are already doing all that work anyway, why would you take it on for someone else?
"But what about marriage?" Yes, this dynamic unfortunately does often carry into marriage (just look at the Breaking Mom subreddit if you need some sad stories about that). But at least marriage gives the woman some sort of legal safety net.
I'm not a heartless machine; I do understand what it is to love someone, to want to see them more often, to want to share space with them. But I DEPLORE the modern trajectory where it's assumed you go from dating to living-together (and then maybe to marriage). Some of my friends think (wrongly) this is because I'm religious or uptight or prudish or something -- they don't understand that it's my raging feminism leading the way.
I truly believe that most women who unthinkingly accept the "move in together" trajectory as inevitable and even desirable, simply have never had their own space, or have not had it for long. If they did, they might really love it, and they'd be very, very reluctant to give it up.
Women need to be more sturdy about this, because heaven knows men are TERRIBLE at "being alone" and they really can't stand their own company.
I agree that cohabitation is a scam that only benefits men. I particularly dislike how much more complicated a break-up can be if you're cohabiting verus if you both live apart. As someone said above, if the guy turns out to be abusive and you're not living together, you can ghost him and you never have to deal with him again. It's also been my observation that women who cohabit with their boyfriends usually end up as forever girlfriends.
Me and my partner spend plenty of nights together and at any moment I can tell him to pound bricks and I will not be worse off than when I met him. Living with a man is only fun if you are young, flighty and hobosexual, or if the house and life insurance are in your name. Most middle aged women do not move in with scrotes without great compensation.
That's perfectly reasonable. Plus you can figure out if he's the wrong one without the enemy literally having the key to your house. I always pity women who move in with their boyfriends because they just look exhausted, you can see the transformation. I've been there, the snoring, the hair all over the toilet, eating all the food you just bought, literally never picking anything up until mold colonies start appearing in empty milk cups that they left on the floor. It's disgusting and not worth it.
Plus if he's abusive you can just ghost him and call it a day 🤷 this idea is just common sense around here at least.
I've had so many losers try living with me and I'm like no lol. Then they try assessing the cohabitation capabilities of my new smaller apartment and I'm like yeah no lmao it was never an option you don't need to "rate" my space. It's stylish and clean as hell, idc if there's a mini fridge here lmao.
I don’t think I could ever live with a man again. I have so much more time on my hands now that it’s only me and my cats that I have to clean up after.
Also I’ve noticed some couples just move in together just because, like they’re not even ready for marriage but they’ll move in. Moving in together is like getting married but with no legal protection!
I don't even want to live with roomates. The guy I end up living with is ideally the man I marry
Yeah... I think I'm over cohabitating with men as well, no matter the relationship status. Not really worth it. The only exception might be a big house where everyone essentially gets an apartment to themselves but that seems very utopian to me. My current partner is miles better at household stuff than my ex was, but the inevitable additional "to do items" a second person creates just turns me off so much. Even if they take care of their own shit 100%, there will still be more dirty laundry and dishes, more items somewhere I didn't put them, more trash waiting to be taken out... I just can't.
Agreed. Moving in and doing wifey shit for a man you aren't married to (and thus have no legal claim to any of his assests that you helped him to get) is just a waste of time.
I have made the same proclamation! The only people who understand me are women of another generation such as my mom, my Gram, and my Gram's nurse.
My sister is five years older than me, so I noticed the whole trend of "moving in with the boyfriend" when she was in college and hearing about what her friends were doing. I really have to credit my mom as the one who keptshaking her head, instilling about high standards, and never, ever moving in with a guy who you are only dating. She and my dad never lived together until they were married and just celebrated 41 years of marriage.
I was a teen, although I had witnessed the preaching that my sister really wasn't listening to. It wasn't until my sister read The Rules was where I really noticed a change in her. As a result, she met her husband who she has been married to for 12 years now. If either of these examples isn't a testament to how having standards works for a woman's benefit, I don't know what is.
PickMes make me laugh, and honestly I just shut them out because they are so high on their BS about how "great" it is that "we live together!" Haha..hahahaaa
PickMes lie to themselves that they are truly happy with hitching themselves to some guy's wagon. They really can't come up with a solid argument to validate living with a guy they are dating because they can't admit how much of themselves they have already compromised. He's borrowing your car, cook, clean, wait on him hand and foot, put out sex regularly even when they are not feeling well...the list can go on. If he is so high value, why are you laying down - literally and figuratively - flat enough so he can continue to steamroll you?
Furthermore, a PickMe thinks that threatening the removal of her financial contribution is the best leverage, but let's be straight here: A man is more apt to disrespect a PickMe because she has already shown how easy it is to break her down, thus replace her.
The PickMes who eventually get a ring after pouring out so much of themselves? Congratulations, you have accomplished receiving the "Shut Up" ring. I bet he bought it on Amazon for $50.00, right? When is the wedding date? crickets
The moral of the story: Living with a guy you're just dating means that you are happy with being cheapened out on.
I agree completely and would not want to live with a man again. In my ideal relationship, we'd have our own places and simply visit each other when wanted. Though this setup might not be feasible if planning to raise kids together.
Sadly, I think the costs of housing is a big part of quick cohabitation. In most cities it's unaffordable to live on your own. Splitting rent and bills is awfully attractive when you're living paycheck to paycheck.
I'm not auditioning to be any guy's wife. He has to make the decision on his own without me trying out like some fucking cheerleader. I've only ever lived with my husband when we got married, and never anyone else since we divorced.
I heavily relate to this, but I have one question? What legal protections does marriage offer in terms of cohabitation? Like you said, a man can be a scrote even after marriage. Personally, I don't see myself living with a man unless I have my own property first and he buys a home for us to live in (with him covering the mortgage). That way, if anything goes bad, I always have my home to go to and I'm not coming out of pocket to potentially live with a scrote. How does marriage make cohabitation better? If anything, it makes it harder to leave. I'm not anti marriage, I just see a lot of women say this and I feel like I'm missing something.
And we also have a crazy real estate market right now in America! If he starts being abusive month 3 of moving in, then you might not be able to find another affordable apartment in your area after that. And breaking up is easier than breaking a lease AND breaking up.