I don’t know how to get a date

I second the idea of getting involved in a community you're interested in, or perhaps a gym class or sport team (ultimate Frisbee, soccer) if that's your thing. Since you work at home, you just need something to get you out and about on a regular basis and possibly put you into contact with decent single men.

I realize your situation is somewhat unique, but I was just thinking how it shouldn't even be our job to "get" a date--other than making sure we look nice and healthy. This should be something men only think about??? They're the ones who should be seeking us out??

I feel like somehow, millions of men have managed to dump 100% of heterosexual relationship establishment/production on us in the past couple decades. It's not enough for us to just be a normal woman at school, work, or anywhere else and get politely asked out like our mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers... we have to like...be super flirty and sexually forward and practically fling ourselves at men for them to consider us for "Netflix and chill." Once you fill out your blowjob stamp card, then you get the GF or wife card, I guess.

I don't know if I'm being clear since this seems to be a complex social dynamic--I'm not against making yourself attractive/being feminine, I simply feel like men have gotten so goddamn lazy we have so many good looking, accomplished women wondering what the hell is wrong with them and coming up with a dozen different schemes to "get" dates/relationships/marriage, when it shouldn't be something that requires SO MUCH effort from us in the first place. Is any one else getting what I'm saying? Or can you say it more eloquently?

This is like the underbelly of "if he wanted to, he would"--->"why so many men don't ever bother to try and it's not you, it's definitely them."

I refuse to use dating apps as I have no interest in the type of men that would use them. I find the best way to meet people/make friends/find potential suitors is to become a regular at a place that appeals to my interests. I attend all the local art events and go to nearly every art opening at a handful of favorite galleries and venues. I end up encountering a lot of the same people again and again and it becomes easy to have conversations and get to know each other over time.

Like you, I work from home and am self-employed. I'm never going back on OLD so it's all about hyperorganic marketing. I'm in the city as well

- If you live in an apartment, join your strata to get know folks better. They may have friends

- Join clubs and meetups (wine club, books, walking, pizza making etc etc)

- Go play drop in ___ at the local community center

- Host events and ask people to bring a friend of theirs

- Join professional networking groups

- Dine alone in restaurants

- Get coffee and window shop

- Make conversation with strangers while out

- Let folks know you're looking to meet people. This is a big factor in getting people to think of you ("Oh, OP would be a perfect plus one to a dinner party at my friend's place!")

I practice looking men in the eye when I'm out in public, like at the grocery store or whatever. Very briefly-but enough to show I'm open to being approached (i.e. dropping the hanky)

Also maybe find people your own age/an older friend group to hang around. That's not to say you need to ditch your current friends right now, but you get my gist. I used to use meetup to make connections with other people.

What kind of person do you think is ideal for you?

Start a list of what kinds of traits, qualities, hobbies that person would have.

Is he active? Sports?

Is he a tv/ movie buff?

Is he a big texter?

Would you spend all your time with him or would you prefer to spend most of your day independently apart?

What kind of job would he have?

Is he a workaholic?

Does he work a 9-5?

Would you be okay with someone who goes on long work trips and comes back every 3 months?

Is he family oriented?

Does he want kids?

Ect..

Once you get those down, try to figure out where this type of person would hang out.