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I live in another country with my brother. We both came here for work and decided to share a flat For economic reasons and also because we only had each other.
He always had that abusive history, he disrespected every woman in the family including me, my sister, my mom and his girlfriend.
i didn’t want to stay with him in the first place, given his violent behavior history, but he insisted and said he would behave.
For 2 years it’s been ok and in the last month we were both looking to buy our own houses.
Last week his girlfriend (who he has been with for 10 years, but they left each other several times, given the distance and he cheated and treated her bad several times) simply appeared here in our house without me even knowing. She was fired from her job and decided to come here to stay with him.
When she arrived I was shocked And told him I didn’t want her here because I don’t want to live with someone else who is basically a stranger. She did not intend to pay for anything either.
She had blocked me from everything and never spoke to me again the last time they split which was 4 years ago!
when I said I didn’t want her here (she was already here in the house, coming from another continent) he got furious.
He called me every name you can imagine, threatening to kill me. She was watching everything. I went to my room and she knocked saying that they would leave the house in 20 days. I said ok.
I wasn’t even looking at this face and yesterday he came to my room demanding I would pay all the bills and then he would transfer the money to me. I said no because I did not trust him anymore after everything he did and said I would only pay if he transfer the money first.
He then tried to beat me and his gf tried to stop him, if it wasn’t for her he would have beaten me. He threatened to kill me again and beat me. he went to his room and I closed the door of mine with keys and 15 minutes later while I was in tears I heard them making jokes and laughing.
I called the police and they came and I told them everything and they told my brother and his gf to leave the house. They explained to him what he did was a crime and if I called again he could be arrested.
The cops asked if I wanted to report him that night. I said I just wanted him out and he left with the cops. I don’t know where they are right now. They left with the keys of the house but they can only get inside if I am not here, as I can lock from the inside.
i am completely alone in another country, I barely have friends that could help me and I don’t want to tell anyone as it’s really shameful.
I thought about leaving everything and going back to my parents house but I would have to leave my job and I would be unemployed. I need to clear my mind and decided what I will do.
Sorry I just wanted to vent and get some support because I can’t believe my own brother could do this to me. Men are horrible Creatures.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with such a lunatic and so much trauma. Glad to hear he’s at least out. I know you probably feel awful but try to remember you are likely still in shock from his attacks and will likely need some time to feel normal again. Take some days to process (and get some protective measures if you can—new locks, cameras, bear spray, personal alarm, etc) in case he tries anything.
This is so scary. I’m glad you are okay. I recommended looking up local women’s shelters and calling one or their hotline for advice on creating a “safety plan”. They will probably advise what other commenters have: getting the landlord on your side, changing the locks, and filing a police report. They will also help you with plans should your brother try to return. Ideally you get him kicked out of the rental and have police present when he removes his belongings. I would recommend moving or finding a female roommate to replace him. You should not live with him again, and I would recommend cutting him out of your life completely—this man is a mortal danger to you.
After the worst is over, I recommend finding local hobby groups, book clubs, sports clubs, etc (whatever you’re into) to meet new friends and help better establish yourself in this country. I do not recommend going back to your parents—been there done that and it’s not worth the drama and trauma. It’s hard to be alone in a new place, but it can also be very freeing --you can do anything and be anyone. You get to be in charge without deferring to others. You get to do what you want when you want.
Change your locks. If its not too late to report him do it. See how men abusing women is all about getting what they want? Willing to kill for less than a month of free rent 🙄 beating a woman is easier than working a second job for 2 weeks. How is the gf not shitting her pants? He's going to kill her and/or you.
Please report that POS he might hurt you again out of revenge and anger!! He's a danger to the women around him, even his trauma bonded pickme girlfriend might get killed at some point!
First of all, change the locks. Second, Tell your landlord what happened and that the police had your brother leave and that he tried to bring in another tenant without signing a new lease.
My brother has some, well, mental issues, yet is getting a semi-arranged marriage. (They were introduced for the purpose of marriage and have been chatting and video calling and now he is going to Pakistan, possibly even marrying then.). We mostly live separately, but my mum pushes us together. I decided over the Thanksgiving break that I am extremely uncomfortable with both my brother getting married and this woman. She may be nice, but she comes off as a pickme who wants a husband at any cost. So, because men and their partners can jointly abuse the man’s sister, my plan is to write a will and a living will too, so no one can declare me incompetent and section me or force a guardianship on me. (Complete strangers can do this to you in the US.)
in OP’s case, I think third thing to do is get a restraining order and throw his stuff out.
Finally, there is nothing special about brothers.