I am tired of vibrators being shoved down our face

I work for a radfem online magazine and we are inundated with requests to feature promo posts about sex toys - we recently also got a request to promote a foot fetish site. The marketers see "feminism" and they instantly think - "vibrators, prostitution..". This is where feminism is at right now.

I never understood how casually parading sexual stuffs, could be empowering women! Are vibrators and other such stuffs, going to improve the wage gap? Are they going to reduce misogyny and sexism? Will it be easy to get to a leadership role, if we dance around with vibrators? Then how tf is it women empowerment?

I imagine it’s justified as tied to closing the orgasm gap but I don’t need it in my face either. An occasional thread on FDS is great (thanks to whoever it was that recommended the Womanizer) but it’s really just about consumerism.

In general, I am exhausted by the sexualization of everything in modern life. Maybe because I'm older now (in my 30s), I notice just how much young women are sexualized and objectified, how women are completely defined by their sexuality and bodies. I always noticed it to some extent and disliked it. But, as you get older and you don't see it changing or getting better, you start to feel more despair. Why does sex have to be everywhere? Why do men have to sexualize everything? Why must women be made into sexual objects? I enjoy pleasuring myself. My eroticism is sacred to me. It's a beautiful thing to have an orgasm, but I don't need to talk about it all the time. I don't need everything to be sexualized. It's like you can't get away from it, particularly online, as much as I try to curate the digital spaces I'm in.

This goes along with the current consolatory brand of pseudo-feminism: women are sold “empowerment” while men retain power.

It’s totally understandable to be turned off by anything a man is trying to push you into. Just being coerced makes anything that would otherwise be pleasurable into a creepy feeling thing. Once a man bought me the standard vibrator the one with a big head and I can’t get off with my legs open. it seems like a lot of vibrators are meant to be prefomatory and not for pleasaire.

actually masturbating the way I do, with legs tight together and face down to the pillow and curled up in a ball, is so opposite of what I have ever seen of a woman getting off in porn

I think another reason it's offputting is because it's obviously objectifying and even a little infantilizing. Like, they treat it like it's some sort of way to make a political statement rather than just something you buy to masturbate (while the latter, like you've mentioned, is how people treat sex toys for men). When patriarchy coerces women to constantly relate to themselves and each other inauthentically, the whole 'you're a cooool sexxxy libfem if you buy this vibrator give us money' thing just feels like another symptom of the problem.

Also surely I'm not the only person who thinks your own fingers just do a way better job.

ever since liberal feminism gained traction, female empowerment = sex. literally, that is the ONLY thing peddled in mainstream marketing, and it still largely benefits men. fucked up world we live in.

I just wish female liberation didn't come in the form of sex all the damn time. It's like, if you want to be a feminist, you need to do it in a sExY way. No thanks. Sex toys for women are great, but so much of the marketing and messaging is just more libfem crap that ultimately centers men's view on women again (and their desire to make money off our need for equality). Vibrators have never saved a woman from disappointing sex with their partners or sexual assault. They do nothing to really address inequality. Many pornsick men even want their female partners to buy and use toys, ask me how I know, because even things designed for female pleasure have been pornified for the male gaze. There are some exceptions maybe but the mainstream marketing feels very porny and repeats the same message that true empowerment and feminism = sex which is a male idea.

To me it often feels like "dickpics by proxy" or content influenced by the male gaze and aimed at male viewers because all I ever see in these ads are phallic toys presented by women who look like they are coming straight from porn clips. I mean... if it was really meant for women where are the hot male models presenting the toys?

But that's a common problem with sex toys for me. Most of them seem to focus on women looking sexy for men while using them (or while men are using the toy on them) and catering to male fantasies of women performing for them instead of being focussed on female pleasure. There is still a lot of room for improvement there if they would focus on what women actually prefer instead of what men would prefer to look at or think women should want.

The grossest memory I have of my ex-husband is when he pushed so hard for me to get and use a vibrator. I thought he wanted to spice up our sex life, but no. He got himself a penis pump, saying it was also for my pleasure. So one night he asks me to get out the vibrator, says he wants to watch. The m'fer freaking grabs his penis pump and some sunflower seeds and starts going to town while watching me, and periodically spitting sunflower seed shells into a cup. Oh my gosh is there anything less sexy? It really turned me off from sex toys.

I think it is a good thing that we are finally removing the stigma from female masturbation because not long ago, it was commonly viewed as something that is vile, disgusting, and shameful. I think the message of enouraging to women to prioritize and value their pleasure has been empowering in a way, but as others have pointed out, it feels inauthentic because it's being sold to us under the guise of consumerism. We went from one extreme to the next.

THIS! Thank you.

The same thing with the 'ladies night', idk if this something from my country but its that you gather women for a get together to buy sex toys and lingerie (mostly for their scrotes) and you have this host presenting all that stuff for you. I always felt really uncomfortable by that idea.

Also the fact that sex and self-pleasure is pushed into your face and if you don't participate in self-pleasure as in masturbation, you're seen as weird or there must be something wrong with you. What's up with even questioning random women about masturbation? That's extremely personal imo.

The more I got in touch with my true self and peeled the layers off my pickme identity the more I noticed that I am in fact not interested that much in sex and I never masturbate because it simply doesn't interest me and I don't feel the need to.

However in my former relationships I felt the need only because I was or pressured into it or gaslit myself by saying to myself that I was weird or made afraid by my ex-partners and LV/pickme ex-friends that my partner would leave me.

This is one of the reasons that in my pickme-era also I acted in that time as if was a full blown porn model, into BDSM and eXpEriMentiNg, who loved sex all the time but now I know that was purely for male validation but also because I was afraid people thought I was weird.

One of the first times I spoke up about this was with a former LV/pickme ex-bestfriend and he said that he thought I was a prude and thought that I would be very boring in bed.

This is what you get when you have these absurd movements like sex"positive" and the general libfem-movement.

That wanting to be respected and not thrown around and beaten up and spit on is called "vanilla" sex. Insane.

I honestly am not a fan of how vibrators feel. I don't like the feeling of them.

I'm not anti-sex but I am tired of prioritizing sex without valuing it. I'm tired of the pornified version of sex where we have to be encouraged by strangers to treat it as self care- it can be on occasion but the current idea is that it's the same a skincare or showering or drinking enough water! They are not the same! And to prioritize sex on your life that way devalues your sexual energy.

Me too, I'm sick of it. Also the idea that a vibrator replaces understanding your own body or the man making you cum.. I'm all for them but the consumerism and techno-whatever isation of sexuality is so off-putting to me.

Unironically, think of the children who will see that