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Hi queens,
A date yesterday got me thinking about a grim summer experience. The guy I met yesterday told me he'd been ghosted and it reminded me of my own brush with creepy Casper.
The icky feelings and the shock all came back and I wanted to get this down to see if I can apply some FDS sense to it all. I posted on a different forum back when it happened and was whined at by a lot of posters for never contacting this dude first/a load of pickmes saying I should have contacted HIM. I reckon you ladies will be a kinder and more sensible tribe.
I (32F) was involved with a M42 guy for roughly 5 weeks. I can now see the red flags with total clarity and we matched on hinge after weeks of boring chat with other NVMs and I was just about losing the will to continue OLD.
Then this dude pops up. Handsome. Looking for something long-term. Had a kid. He messaged saying he was about to give up OLD until he stumbled on my profile (I wasn't convinced). So bearing in mind I wasn't familiar with FDS at this point, here's how it went:
on hinge he tells me he 'likes to be in control' hmm, interesting info to volunteer
He invites me to a beach to walk our dogs the following night. In hindsight I think this was a LV move and I should have declined. Plus it was a scummy beach 🚩
He turns up and is ridiculously handsome. Loads of eye contact. Asks tonnes of searching questions about what I'm looking for. We end up making out heavily in the car park outside the pub where we'd moved on to. He made a comment about my ass 🚩 (when I write this down it gets worrrrrse)
we have a second, very lengthy date that involves DTD. I know better now but hey, it had been a while! In case it's useful info his penis was the smallest thing I'd ever seen and my friends and I now refer to him as mini milk
He's calling me every day. He's saying things that I laugh off as he's referring to where 'we' will live etc. i take all of this with a pinch of salt because I knew a love bomber. Plus he was bitter about both his mum AND his ex wife who fleeced him for everything (apparently) and abducted his kid 🚩🚩
He insists on me staying at his and working from his home the night he takes me for my birthday meal (his instigation). I noticed a little irritation from him when my bag contents spilled on his driveway 🚩
The following week he comes to stay at mine for the first time. Here I really notice his irritation with my dog in particular. 🚩 The odd snide remark appears. 🚩 Nonetheless he tells me that his mum was asking about me, that he'll come over and fix this thing in my kitchen/my interior design skills are so good la lala
That same weekend he wants me to head to his place. He cooks us a meal, we watch a film and have some drinks. I wake up early in the morning to go to the gym and kiss him goodbye
Perhaps the worst part of this was that I was starting to open up to this guy a little more as it had appeared we were moving towards something more permanent. And then POOF. Off he fucked with his minuscule penis (sorry not sorry).
I suspect he is a player/someone with narc traits and I know he is a waste of my time but it hurt like HELL.
Has anyone experienced anything like this? How did you make sense of it?
Mox.
Lots of guys with small dicks are players. They're trying to make themselves feel more masculine and better hung by dumping the girls who do like him and accept his shortcomings. I don't understand being a player with a tiny dick, but then, I'm not male. I'd be ashamed to show my tiny dick to every girl. But I guess that shows rhe male psyche at work--if he can f*ck and dump a girl when he's got a tiny dick, then he's "conquered" her and now has more self esteem. Then the big dick guys have to show it to every girl they meet, because that makes them feel like a winner. Sigh. Basically, until their dying breath, men's penises run their entire lives.
I got ghosted this summer as well and I agree the thing that hurts the most about it is how much bad behavior I accepted from him just because I hadn't been with a handsome guy in awhile. Yikes. I met him at a Christmas party in 2021 at his parents house who were my small group leaders at the time. There was some flirty eye contact and we were playing dirty santa at the party so there was a cute flirty moment where I stole his gift and there was lingering eye contact and a smirk moment from him. We watched a cheesy christmas movie and he pulled up a chair next to me and he asked me if I wanted popcorn and brought us some to share. Throughout the night I was impressed by how much he noticed things. He took away the popcorn when we were both done, took out the trash, handed out waters, and helped his parents clean up at the end of the night. I know now that's a low bar but I'm used to men who have to be told several times to help.
I saw him again a few times in the spring and he would always smirk and tease me for stealing his gift. During the summer I ran into him in line while a friend and I were waiting for a taco truck. The taco truck guy gave us our tacos for free so he didn't have the opportunity to pay but he did ask if he could sit with us. We had a great conversation and it felt totally natural. He asked if he could buy us both drinks and I said yes. I loved the way he talked about God and how important his faith was to him but my friend noticed later that he talked a bit pridefully about his faith in comparison to his parents' faith (🚩). He asked for my number and we started texting every day. In hindsight, I should have spoken up and said I didn't want to text that much. I did try and leave the conversation by saying things like well I have to go to bed now but he would just pick it back up in the morning.
He asked me for a date one day in advance ( 🚩) a couple of days later. We went out on the boat with his friends ( all dudes lol 🚩) and he brought us sandwiches, drinks, and strawberries. He also brought me a sweatshirt of his to wear. He made some future faking comments and said that he wanted to volunteer with me at this event I was telling him about and he wanted to attend my baptism in a month ( 🚩). At the end of the date he let me walk to my car alone through a busy street (🚩) . I texted him that I got home safe (in hindsight I should have let him check in instead) (🚩). A couple of days later (please don't kill me for this total pickmeisha move LOL) we were in our 11th day of texting every day and I texted him asking him if he could come pick me up because I wanted to see him. I don't know why but I really thought we would just go for a nice walk downtown or something. I was so attracted to him that that sounded nice. He picked me up and took me to his place (🚩) and we cuddled and watched my favorite show and kissed a bit (he was a really good kisser). We texted for a few more days and then he didn't reply to my question (what is your favorite song right now) for two weeks (🚩). At that point I just hit him with the "Who is this?" Next time I will block and delete.
In short, it does hurt like hell OP. I'm honestly still smarting months later but mostly because I am ashamed of how I behaved and how I put this man on a pedestal for doing the bare minimum because I was attracted to him. It truly just doesn't happen very often to meet men you are attracted to so I feel your pain. I don't know if I have any words of wisdom except we have to get faster and even more ruthless on block and delete. We have to believe that we deserve nothing but the best treatment. I was surprised and flattered when I got the bare minimum from this guy like bringing me his jacket for when I got cold. I have to be my own knight in shining armor and treat myself so well that these clowns look like exactly what they are.
Narcissists get off on the manipulation. You can catch them in a smirk every now and again when you’re being straight and taking in what they say in good faith.
This happened to me in high school, right before I found FDS. I moved to a new school and this guy was immediately trying very hard to impress me. He lovebombed me massively for 3 weeks then stopped talking to me (because he “wasn’t allowed to date yet and someone at school ratted to his mom that he liked someone” what BS) and ghosted me online and IRL for 8 months. Then he only wanted to talk about sex and grope me in class and when I said no he’d stop talking to me again, until one day he just never came back. Then I found out he has a horrible reputation for pouncing on every transfer student because none of the girls at our school would give this creep the time of day lol. Thank god I found FDS just in time!! These weirdos won’t be stealing our time anymore
I would’ve been disappointed about the small dick 😂 1) I have this thing too - my brain goes “not so sure, sounds like a lie” when you said he was about to quit OLD. No, he just mirrored what you said to form a fake connection. These man are so strategic. We gotta match them. 2) I’d consider control a yellow flag, as I like to be in control too - but it depends on context. If he meant control you, hell nah. 3) the beach sounds romantic in theory, but it’s cheap. I feel like men should only suggest more relaxed cute activities after 3 or more dates. 4) I would’ve quit when his dick was small. I’m so nice 🤣 Omg why do these men have SO MANY issues! They didn’t fleece him - they probably deserved their fair share. If he didn’t treat his ex right, he won’t treat anyone else right either. Silver lining. I have been ghosted by men I considered unworthy of me, and I think a lot of the feelings you’re having to do with feeling rejected are also that you feel it’s unbelievable that someone who wasn’t even good enough for you rejected you. How dare he? Then you start to doubt if you are as good as you think you are, is a reflection of self-esteem and self-confidence. I realise when these guys do this kind of thing, it’s not that you’re even that attached to them, it’s the way it makes you feel about yourself. The best thing to do is go out there and find a replacement guy to boost your confidence again. Another is to be more ruthless with the next man, so you can cut them off earlier. Men hate it when women reject them so you can reject them before they have chance to use and reject you.
He dissed your DOG. End of discussion.
"Mini milk"
😂😂😂😂
anyone whose profile or first opener has anything to do with "giving up on OLD" or "seeking someone to make me delete this app" deserves an instant unmatch. what they're telling you is that they will settle for anyone and when they realize you're too much to settle for so they won't, the cycle restarts.
I'm afraid to ask which of the MANY definitions I found for DTD you're referring to. Also, why "mini milk"? In high school we said, "millimeter peter". HAHAHAHAAA
Btw, I was ghosted by someone I told my mom was the "nicest guy ever" after coming home, all dreamy-eyed like a teenager, sighing from the cloudwalking date (i.e. heavenly; in the clouds). Then, he ghosted me. The Nicest Guy Ever GHOSTED ME. #effyoucasper
Unbelievable. 2 + months after the ghosting, this pops up. (Our last meet involved sea swimming)