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Most of us have been there, especially when younger. Quite a few of us have said "Oh, if I'd only known then what I know now!" We're here now, so live and learn. I get the impression that overall, younger women are waking up to the FDS message, but I'd like to see it spread further faster!
Several people have remarked here that when they heard some older women talking about men, they thought the women were bitter and wrong. People here have also said they realized that the most negative comments more than likely came from a place of trauma, which I get. What I wondered when I heard older women talking about men was, why do you think that? What made you believe that? How universally applicable is this? And that's one of those things where you need time, trust, and probably many heart-to-heart, highly nuanced conversations to get the WHOLE picture.
I'm wondering how we can talk to younger women to get them to listen to us. As a retired teacher, it seems that the workplace is a good place overall to reach across the age-aisle. I'm wondering if anyone here has reached out to a young woman and helped to wake her up from pickme thinking, or what was the spark that woke you up, and led you here to FDS?
For me, it was just decades of experience and reflection, and I found FDS on Reddit during the pandemic. For decades I thought, oh ok, that one guy is an asshole. That man is lazy, that man is a bad husband, that man is bad to date, etc. I had no clue that behaviors and attitudes were systemic, nearly institutionalized among men, that boy culture and toxic masculinity were promulgating such attitudes toward women, toward other men ("no homo", no touching, no emotions, etc.) and toward humanity in general. I'm very glad now we have the internet and we are all talking to each other. Looking forward to hearing all your thoughts.
You can’t save those who have no interest in saving themselves. If you try to point out what the man is doing is wrong and not victim blaming, and you still are met with resistance, it might be a dead-end. What’s good is on the podcast there is an episode (where I believe it is Lilith) mentions the subtle ways in which she points out that her friends boyfriends are terrible by saying things like if the roles were reversed would he put up with this behaviour?
After going full speed into OLD in my 30s, being a people pleaser and a complete pickme, and terrified of being called judgmental, i entertained the biggest pieces of shit on the planet. i thought i had to engage in casual dating and sex to meet a partner. That’s what everyone wold say! Especially men. ”sex is part of dating, eventually one will stick.“ nonsense. “My friend sally and roger were just fucking casually for a year and they met on tinder and decided to get married”. more nonsense. I cannot fuck someone casually for a year. Not in my DNA. I was betraying all my boundaries to please the masses. This narrative is built by men for men and most women are in a trance following along. After finally deleting the apps for goo, for the millionth time, after one scrote told me “he liked his options” so he wouldn't commit, i felt like a literal object, i decided to quit. I found FDS on reddit too.
I feel validated in all those things that are thrown at me by society, friends, family members … you’re too picky, judgmental, die along blah blah blah. At least now i know that they’re the fucked up ones desperate for validation and afraid to die alone so they will settle. I’m do not have the time or energy to put up with some arrogant douche, which most guys end up being one way or another.
Idk. Nothing could have woke me up during my pick me days. I had to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Or, more accurately - I had to get angry; really allow myself to feel anger that I'd been suppressing for so long. I think role modeling is always the best way to spread any gospel, though. Live your life in such a way that people want to know "what is your secret"?
Idk I've basically always known men and boys were trash. No lie, I was in kindergarten when I realized that marriage was a trap and boys were monsters when I heard them say they wanted to get married so they would always have someone to cook and clean for them, and I've been disgusted ever since.
There seems to be something that happens to young women in their early twenties that pushes them to settle for lvm or nvm. Most of the time it seems like it's an unwanted pregnancy, so maybe if you focus on convincing them to protect their wombs with their lives it could help them buy enough time to establish themselves and create options. Otherwise I'm not really sure. I lost all my female friends from highschool. They went from radfems to pickmes really fast and I don't know what happened tbh. I can only assume that they were baby trapped and traumatized by it
This is tough because what you’re basically asking his “how do we wake women up to really understanding patriarchy when they’ve been brainwashed since birth”. Even though I studied feminism in college and considered myself a feminist I did not truly understand how that applied in dating situations. It was only when I entered several abusive relationships in my 40s and discovered FDS that I finally started to get it.
It’s very tricky. I wait for them to say something that’s even remotely FDS aligned and then I start talking. It helps if you come from a non judgmental light hearted and funny perspective. You just want to plant the seed and have them do the rest by asking questions. I made my first GenZ friend this way lol.
Sorry for the long post: but this is so frustrationg: I recently had a feminist discussion with some close friends from college. I have had my doubts about them since waking up to FDS, but they are good friends and I am open to discuss, and of course I want to be a supporter. I thought we were making headway and it was a civil but respectful debate, one of them piped up about how things are bad in China, but its really equal here in North America, (so close to a revelation!) and the other friend said she agreed about sunk cost fallacy (she's been a forever gf to her bf of 6 years, has been waiting for him to propose, he says he's not sure but will be sure after buying property together 🤡🤡). She also agreed with me that 'some men' treat women like dirt. She outlined that both of us were in bad situations and it's good we figured it out (so close!) But then they turned around and said the women could leave, its her fault she stays in a bad situation and this is generalizing men, 🤡🤡and 'some women have expectations through the roof, and ok come back down here, you're not being realistic anymore'. 🤡🤡🤡 So I really felt hopeless. She ended up calling me a manhater when I questioned why women needed to lower their expectations. Some people will feel righteous and mighty in their pick me hole and you can not talk them out of it.
Women have to stumble onto this road on their own. At least that’s my personal experience. No woman that isn’t ready for the extreme trauma of realizing how badly she’s been misled and misused will welcome truth. I was in a kind of pit where I was already at the lowest of my emotional lows. There was nowhere else with men to go and after some time that path brought me here.
It's hard. My sister is 20 with an awful scrote of a boyfriend. I'm constantly pointing out his red flags to her but she doesn't want to listen to me or thinks I'm just bitter because I'm single. I think its like drug addiction...you have to come to the realization yourself before you can get clean.
I have had a couple of talks with younger friends about my thoughts and FDS ...one said they had read the handbook before and said they thought it was a little crazy. The other friend loves FDS. I was going to mention it to a new friend of mine whom I realized is a pickmeisha, but I think she already thinks I'm bitter so idk. It's good to mention it, but they are not always going to see the light. A lot of young girls nowadays just want to me "one of the guys."