How to make sure a man actually likes you for you rather than you just being convenient for him?

Best advice I've ever heard is that "if you want to stop being used, stop being useful."

Takes an active, genuine interest in your life, remembers important things you tell him, wants to meet your friends and family and makes an effort to get to know them.

Plans dates that are not just at his/your home (this one is important as this level of effort shows he is keen to see you outside of the bedroom).

The depth of conversation - if he changes the subject on any topic that requires emotional intelligence it's an instant red flag about his ability to communicate effectively.

For me personally - good manners, neat/clean appearance and can hold their end of the conversation. I enjoy getting to know someone with shared values and some shared interests. All of the above shows respect and effort as to how he sees you.

If he’s present, active, and engaged he’s into you. He’ll want to hear about your day, give good eye contact, have his phone down during quality time, and plan thoughtful, romantic dates. Be’ll do the small, thoughtful things that men who love you do and you’ll feel it. A man who’s into you makes sure you know he’s into you.

On the other hand, a guy who’s disinterested will spend every date on his phone, offer low to no effort dates like netflix and chill or taco bell, prioritize other people before you, ignore your texts and calls, and truly just not really be present, active or engaged in the relationship at all. He’ll be checked out and you’ll feel it because you’ll feel like you’re bothering him when you talk to him. You’ll feel like a nagging chore because that’s how he’ll make you feel.

Doesn't call you last minute asking you to come over

Dates that aren't just watching tv at his house

Doesn't play a game while you're just present

Spends money on you

Remembers your birthday

Doesn't mind if you don't have sex

• Ruthlessly vetting him for a long time; keep your eyes open for red flags (accept them when spotted)

• If he invests time, money, and effort into you and your relationship

• Hold a boundary or say no early to test his reaction. Watch if he gracefully accepts it or not

• Watch how he treats/talks about women he's not into

if you are a confident person in general, but you're insecure about how he feels, that's your answer.

Ask him how he feels about being single long-term (Ok this is advice I fantasize about following, but have never tried it yet). Say something like, "Do you feel like it's better to be single than to settle, or do you think there comes a point where something is better than nothing?"

OK, can't rely on him to answer the truth, but that's a good question in theory.

Just say "no" a lot. The users and losers will instantly disappear.

Also, as someone else said, watch how he talks about and treats women he is not attracted to / not trying to get anything from. That's who he is really is (and how he's eventually gonna treat you).

Wrt that, I used to be in touch with someone who was extremely nice and polite to me in the beginning, and continuously for months. At first I truly thought he was a HVM. But the one thing I noticed very early on was how he constantly talked trash about different women ("she's so fat", "she's so tall and skinny, she looks like a giraffe", vulgar jokes and language etc. - never around me, but with other people). Lo' and behold, as soon as he became more comfortable with me he also started those little jabs and jokes around me, and even with me. And when I didn't give him what he wanted, he got impatient and threw accusations my way. The initial nice guy act was just a facade and I should have really paid attention to that early warning sign of how he talked about other people.