How much do "leagues" matter in picking a partner?

I’m not looking for a rich man. I’m looking for a high value man who will love me and cherish his family. Those men will work hard to provide and make sure their wives are comfortable and happy. He does have to make more than me financially or even if he doesn’t, as long as he is not touching my money and can open a home, provide for me and pay for everything I’m good. High value doesn’t equal rich. Also wealth and intelligence are silent. The rich men I know dress like normal people and drive normal cars. However, the wives of those men are enjoying all the fruit 😉

Okay, hypothetically, those other men interested in you are considered "high value" by who exactly?

If by you, then they actually meet your standards. Your standards got you what you wanted after all. Yay! 😁

If by other people, then you're letting someone else set standards for you.

A lot of women abide by standards someone else set for them - and they put up with no-good cheating scrotes. (Or any number of things that makes them unhappy.)

Do you want to be one of those women?

I don't. I would rather be single.

I don't think we're all waiting around for very rich men. I would find that type of lifestyle exhausting to keep up with.

For someone like me whose in the middle class - I'll consider men who make either equal to more than my current salary. The type of work they do is also important to me. For example, a waiter or bartender in a nice restaurant probably makes more than I do a year but I wouldn't consider going out with one. In my experience career waiters and bartenders are stuck in their youth and refuse to grow up. I do have exceptions - men pursuing higher educations, military, etc.

I don't need a millionaire or someone who makes six figures, but I certainly don't want to feel like I'm taking on a provider role either.

I think most of us here agree that what a HVM entails looks wise is going to be based on your personal preferences, but overall a HVM will have good values, character, and treat you like a queen. That said, leagues do exist. If you want someone who’s “out of your league” whining about it is the LV thing to do. That’s why we promote leveling up. Part of the leveling up journey is discovering what WE want for ourselves, our futures, and from our potential partners, but it also makes us the highest value version of ourselves. If you only make $20k a year, are uneducated, have no meaningful friends, no active hobbies, and spend all your time online dwelling your parent’s basement, you’re gonna be shit out of luck finding a HVM. HVM want HVW and they vet, too. You can’t just be a loser with nothing going on in life and expect to fall in the lap of a HVM, but that’s what leveling up is for. If you want a HVM you need to be a HVW. So yes, leagues exist, but that’s why we level up, because if we want HVM them we need to be HVW. I also want to add that there aren’t really that many HVM. Most men are not good people and they don’t have character or any values beside doing what’s best for their limp dicks. Most of us will end up single due to men’s failure to be worthy which is why we stress cultivating strong female friendships. HVW befriending other HVW will lead to a lifetime of platonic companionship and considering the happiest group of women are single, childless women. Well. It sounds like a lifetime of happiness regardless of whether you find a HVM or not. So go forth and level up, chica. If you’re not feeling it with the guys who approach you don’t be dejected. If there’s no good options, then the best option is to remain single.

“High value“ means high value to you personally. I mean I know you didn’t explicitly ask that, but I get that you are trying to figure out how to evaluate men in terms of income and perhaps attractiveness too.

it is agreed here generally that the guy has to chase and put the effort in to make the lady he is chasing feel comfortable, he should not be watching porn or be ”friends” with exes, he should understand why they need to be the one impressing us and paying for dates, should have some ambition that is not just trying to get to the next level in some video game. Obviously he should not be abusive and should have his mental health in order.

a lot of women wouldn’t think a mechanic or electrician who is kinda chubby and with curly hair is their ideal but my financial/physical ideal is that. Give me a hard working man if I’m gonna have one. Whose looks I also like.

when it comes to those things it’s what you want. I dont want to speak for everyone here but also gather that consistency and ability to provide are important otherwise men would be useless. that’s what they are supposed to do.

whatever resources they have, if they value you, they will provide with a substantial amount of their resources to build a future with you if they decide you are a priority to them.

It’s not about money. Being high value is about standards and actions! On our journey to being HVW we are setting standards for ourselves and the lifestyle we want. The partner you seek, the man who will be high value to you, will meet your life and relationship standards and add to your life. They will take action and put effort into themselves and their relationship with you. A HVM who is willing to provide and be supportive of his partner (no matter how much money he makes) is going to want a HVW who meets his personal standards and lives a lifestyle that adds to his life. If you are leveling up your life and pursuing education or career goals, it is best to seek a man at or above your education/career level so that he is able to meet your personal standards for life and provide. You don’t want to end up as the mommy-mc’bang-maid AND be paying all the bills. It’s not about finding a rich person, it’s about finding someone at your social level who wants to provide for the life of you and your future children and put effort into a lifelong relationship where you both feel fulfilled by XYZ together.

I could see what you mean here, but I don’t think waiting to find someone who meets your standards that you also have a “spark” with is a problem. Unless you, like me previously, saw intense sexual chemistry as a spark, while in fact this was never true romantic interest for me, but straight up lust. Turns out love for me is a much more romantic, mellow feeling than lustful passion.

I am 29, make 6 figures, and have a terminal degree. Finding interested men has never been a difficulty, but figuring out which ones were truly not assholes in hiding. I will never be with a controlling man again, or a man who needs to dim my light to feel confident in himself. Thankfully current guy is doing well so far, and makes about as much as I do with a solid career. We’ll see if he continues to measure up.

In terms of money and looks, these can absolutely be changed if you put the elbow grease into it. It's true that a lot of people wish they can be with Mr 6'0+ Chad With Killer Abs or Ms Stacy Who's Drop Dead Gorgeous, but they won't be able to because most people are comfortably compliant in staying within their own level instead of leveling up. It is extremely rare for an obese male to end up with a very slim, pretty young girl, unless money is being handed under the table or something. If that same dude had no money to bait said women into being with him, he has no choice but to harden up and hit the gym and look for better jobs to help him climb up the social ladder. Yet you know where the majority dwell in... mainly Reddit and 4chan.

It's the same the other way around. If a woman is out of shape and doesn't make very good money, she is essentially gatekeeping herself out of the pools of the men she desires deep down. Luckily, with how image obsessed the world is when it comes to shaming women into looking perfect, there's lots of ways to look better. You don't need plastic surgery or anything extreme, but softmaxxing can already be enough for you to feel better about how you look in the mirror. Likewise, a gym membership or working out at home can get you into shape and looking/feeling like a goddess, and you need that type of confidence if you're going to attract a hottie anyway, so you can't really beat the argument here lol!

So yes, leagues matter in the sense that you have to see the world with realistic views and know that attractive people are going to really want to be with other attractive people, the same as people with money are more comfortable dating other people with money. Can miracles happen, sure, but I wouldn't leave it up to chance, and leveling up in general can change your whole life for the better, and it's not just for dating either. It's for YOU.

A man is only "high value" if he treats you well and is good to you. He has no value if he doesn't treat you well. His "league" is irrelevant if he cannot treat you with love and respect. Men don't have intrinsic value. They only have value based upon what they do for others. This is across most animal species. The male must prove his worth to breed by leading, providing, and protecting. Human males have been getting away with being no value for decades, and it's time that stops. Base every male's worth based upon his treatment of you and others, then you'll see if he has value or not.

Your standards aren't too realistic if your life as a single woman remains better than it would be dating someone. If he does not make your life better, then your standards are too low, and that includes weighing everything. He could pay for everything, but still emotionally drain you.

They matter, a lot. You might think its shallow when meeting a new person especially if they are less attractive / less wealthy than you. But give it a few years of dating him and you will be wondering if you could do better. He will know you are out of his league and feel insecure about it too. If it's the other way around and he's earning more money for example, you can get trapped if he turns out abusive as you may become financially dependant on him. If he's better looking, you may worry he will go for a prettier woman. It's better to feel equal to your partner.