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Hi gang,
I'm on a month-long OLD hiatus (you can see my other post for a insight as to why!) and you lovely queens have pointed me towards the FDS handbook which I've been devouring.
But I have a specific question regarding a type of guy I encountered during my last session on the apps. If I relocate with work I'm going to change my approach to dating with all the awesome advice.
BUT. I don't know how to approach the mansplainer...
Context:
This year I honoured a long-term ambition of mine to buy a house to renovate. I got the keys a fortnight ago. :) I run a small business and work full time so I'm self sufficient and say this to merely set the context, not be an ass.
When I have been in the early stages of chatting to guys on OLD, I have been taken back by the tendency of some of them to question my plans/how I'm financing my build etc. It's something I'm excited about so naturally it's come up in early chats. There have been occasions where:
one guy asked me whether I had considered how I would finance such a costly move/what would I do for income if I gave up my job/had I considered all my options? He also made the point that he 'could never afford to do something like that'. It was so patronising
another told me that property management wasn't a 'real job'. He was a doctor, apparently
another asked me how I could afford to do such a costly exercise. Not too bad I guess
A friend of mine who is much more seasoned in property development was given unsolicited advice about how to arrange a room she was styling from someone who, shocker, she hadn't asked
On a similarly depressing note I interacted with someone to arrange a date and shared a photo which had my car in the foreground. The guy made a comment about me clearly being a 'dickhead' for driving a BMW.
Needless to say all these scrotes were dropped like a hot potato but in a try HV queen way, what's the best way to respond to mansplaining and this insecure behaviour. Is it worth addressing or just swiftly blocking and moving on? I wonder if these men have any sense of how this lands but I also realise it's not our frigging job to teach them.
On a separate note, what do you think drives this assholery? With other behaviours I would feel inclined to block straight away but I wonder whether this warrants a different approach. Interested to hear your thoughts.
Thanks in advance,
Moxy
Insecurity and the need for power over is what drives the behavior. That I know for sure. As for stopping it, it depends on my energy. I’ve often repeated “I know” louder and louder and more drawn out until they get it. I’ve held a hand up and stated my qualifications and stared them down. I’ve said “I know this. Don’t mansplain to me what I’m a master of and you are not.” Expect spluttering, gasping, pouting, the full mantrum
They're not worth your time. You don't owe them a response- they're not capable of truly hearing what you have to say, anyway. What drives the behavior is they are scrotes. Please don't give into the rabbit hole of trying to understand them.
Please don’t share your financial plans with men, it’s none of their business and they will absolutely use that information to their advantage. As for how to deal with mansplainers? You don’t. You don’t give them your energy or time. You have better things to do than play teacher to a disrespectful bottom barrel scrote. You block, delete, and live the amazing life you’ve cultivated for yourself.
I run into this all the time. I work in construction, in a specialty trade, and hold licensure. I'm also the product of a family of master tradesmen, so I have lots of experience and knowledge in other trades, due to helping out a lot when those family members need help they don't have to babysit. When men try to pull this shit on me, I hold up a hand and say, I'm gonna stop you right there. Then I walk away. You don't owe them shit. The fact that they are even pulling this shit means they aren't worthy of you, and therefore not entitled to anymore of your time or energy. Block and delete.
"This year I honoured a long-term ambition of mine to buy a house to renovate. I got the keys a fortnight ago. :) I run a small business and work full time so I'm self sufficient and say this to merely set the context, not be an ass. "
Queen - you don't need to diminish yourself here. You have achieved these wonderful things and we are happy for you. Keep being badass!
Agree to everything, promise nothing, then do you want. I usually reply, in my most bored tone, “ How very interesting, yawn”
Don't ever share your financial info with a man.
If you happen to slip up and they start mansplaining, let them finish, then say, "Anyway..." and carry on with whatever you were going to do next
Ignore them and change the topic