Obviously its imperative that you set the tone for how you want to be treated by a man at the very start of the dating phase, but what are some practical ways to do this? I feel like a lot of it is the way you carry yourself and the air you bring, but what else? How do you do it more practically and verbally? Something specific in my own life for example is I like to be sent a good night message, or to be messaged something nice before he goes to sleep if i'm working late. But how do I tell someone from the start that kind of thing? It seems a bit weird to say "please send me a message before you go to sleep" so early in dating, because it seems a bit full on and pushy too soon, and maybe it is. But then if I dont do it early, it'll be harder to set that later down the line if I seem like i've always been okay with it. I hope that makes sense. The above is just more of an example really. I guess it comes down to how and when to more forwardly/verbally set standards of behaviour? And any other tips on a sinilar topic would be helpful too!!
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Watch how he treats you without you teaching him. That's the real him.
Also, it might make sense to wait until a guy is your bf and you've vetted him more, before you express your preferences about good night texts etc. It's reallllly easy for guys to take a nugget like that and love bomb you. I'd slow my roll a bit and only express those desires and have those expectations to a boyfriend.
If he's the man for you, you cannot possibly scare him off by asserting your boundaries early on
You don't tell him anything.
Watch how he treats you.
We don't cOMunIcATe
FDS advice before it became a flaming pussy ass milquetoast pile of shit was not to teach him. It is not your job to teach him. If he does something you don't like, show disappointment, look away, do not respond, blank stare, perplexed stare, or leave.
You're never pushy when it comes to boundaries. Just say that you value respect more than anything and when he displays disrespect it's over. That alone makes a man stop with childish behavior, he can't love bomb you, You value respect for your time so tardiness means goodbye.
I think the "message me before you fall asleep" thing is very intimate and should only be done once you have fully vetted this person and decided you are committed. The early stages of dating are for vetting. Do you really want to be getting goodnight messages from someone you don't know that well, or who might turn out to be unsuitable? And of course, keep your options open. FDS is pro dating (not having sex with!) more than one man at at time.
I think setting standards around dates is a good way to go. What kind of dates do you enjoy? Is he taking you to the kind of restaurants you like? Is he paying for eveything? Is he pulling out the chair for you? Pouring your drinks? Just ask "would you mind filling my glass?" if he isn't. If there are behaviors you would like to see, just ask politely. If there are behaviours you don't like, indicate your disapproval (e.g. I prefer not to use profanity) and if he doesn't change it (e.g. keeps swearing) you block, delete and move on. Drop hints about your tastes-- e.g. "I just love 1920s style, particularly the jewelery"--If he gets you a beautiful 1920s piece of jewelery you'll know he's been listening.
Other behaviours, like the goodnight text are for later. And if you've been keeping your standards high, then you will have no trouble asking for a goodnight text.
I think it’s a conversation had when you enter a relationship. So unless there are red flags, while you’re dating you just do you. When he asks to put a label on it/be exclusive you ask him what a relationship means to him. I’m dating a few guys and not bothered about last night texts/calls because I’d find that too much. When I find a guy I actually want a relationship with, when he asks me, I’ll ask the question and my own answer will cover the things I want.
I think a lot of confusion stems from women acting like they’re in a relationship when they’re only getting to know the guy. One guy I know has just been on holiday. He told me I’d not hear from him while he was away and I liked that. If I was in a relationship with him I’d expect to still hear from him. A HVM would recognise that there’s an evolution as to what is appropriate.
Finally, it doesn’t matter what has gone before. If you’re not being treated how you want, he gets one opportunity (if you’re feeling generous) to let him correct it before you walk away.
All of this advice is to just communicate. AWESOME. FDS officilially sucks now.
Other women have mentioned it, but I would be careful with goodnight texts. I wasn't dating a guy, but met someone online who started to send me texts before bed and when he woke up in the mornings. It created a bond and an intimacy very quickly, and I ended up getting terribly hurt. It wasn't lovebombing because he had no feelings for me, but I think it was attention bombing and very emotionally manipulative. I believe he was using me. I ended up being ghosted and hurt. As others have said, maybe wait until you know someone for a longer period of time. I think once you are dating, goodnight texts are the bare minimum, and I would think it unnecessary to even bring it up to a HVM. He would most likely want to wish you goodnight and be in touch with you.
you shouldn't have to teach him anything in that regard. if you need to teach him, he's not HV, or at least he's not the one for you.
I would word it in a way where I let him decide for himself to do it. I also would bring it up in a subtle way when given the opportunity during a conversation. For example, if it’s in the early stages and we are having a general conversation about the type of people we like or value, I would say something along the lines of “I really like it when they send me goodnight texts, it makes me feel ____”. That way, it doesn’t come off as something he needs to do or an obligation. And if he does value and like you, he would of taken note of what you said and begin implementing it.