How do you not internalize a man losing interest after a few months of dating?

You have to remind yourself you deserve a partner that is compatible with you for your normal self. Not your guarded self. Get in the mind set that you are vetting them. Focus on evaluating their words and actions, and tell yourself to stop when you start dwelling on your own self assessment. You don't have to be the chill and perfect cool girl to "keep a man" that's patriarchy BS

And I would not take the 4-5 dates thing personally because you're probably successfully weeding out the guys who just want casual hook ups. hey're realizing you're not going to give that to them.

Men's interest is worth NOTHING when it doesn't translate to consistently loving treatment. So it's not your fault for "letting your guard down" (in your case it sounds like actually being enthuastic and showing interest instead of playing hard to get), it's their fault for being unable to keep up the good treatment. Their initial "interest" lies in trying to find out whether you'll play cool girl mommy bangmaid to them, and if it turns out you actually want a romantic, emotional connection (which means EFFORT on his part), they bounce. Losing interest is their way of showing you they won't give you what you want. Rejection is God's protection! You don't want someone who doesn't want to know, see and love your true self. Men out there are hoping you will bend over backwards to keep them "interested" when they don't intend to offer anything of value themselves. We don't play that game anymore. Look at what THEY have to offer besides "interest". Attention and paying for a few meals is only the start, the bare minimum. If they don't offer consistent affection, commitment, GENUINE interest (= really getting to know you), they're worth nothing to you, not the other way around. One of the most eye opening things for me was realizing that it doesn't even matter whether a man loves you. His feelings don't matter. His actions do. A man can have positive emotions and STILL hurt you because love is a verb, not a noun. In a healthy relationship, you need to actively love someone properly as opposed to just desiring / admiring them passively. So don't worry about his feelings. Only judge his actions.

Men who derive their ego from pulling women (95% of men) lose interest once they "conquer" you. It's on to the next notch in their belt. The world -- similar to a porno -- should dish out an endless rotation of novel sexual experiences to suit their tastes. It isn't your job to keep bored misogynists interested in you, and you aren't doing anything wrong. It's them. Someone who is looking for a partner and loves you won't lose interest after a few months - or ever. Block and delete when you get that vibe and do not blame yourself.

Vetting them longer won’t make them HVM. I mean at some time you have to open up a little. You aren’t a secret spy they’re trying to crack.

The fact is if they lose interest after you open up they didn’t see you as a person but as a game to play. Glad you found out, but I do know it’s hard not to take it personally. I think it’s harder dating if a person has an inner dialogue that they’re not worth keeping. If that’s what’s tripping you up it definitely something to dig into. But men losing interest has nothing to do with your worth and everything to do with their consumerist nature.

Remember that most men are looking for someone to fill a role- they are looking for any body to play the part, not somebody to love and partner with 4-5 dates isn't enough to really get to know someone- it is enough for you to spot red flags, and decide if someone is willing to 'jump to' and audition for a role. When I get dumped I get hit w "I don't see us going the distance" (usually the guy has given me a reason to go lukewarm on him, but I don't let go bc of reasons I'm still working on and he ends up dumping me). Not seeing long term potential in you doesn't mean you don't have long term potential- it means a man has a very specific idea of how he wants his partner to act, and you ruin that illusion by being a full person. I long for the day when a man will just tell me he doesn't think we're compatible, but that would require a man to be discerning of my character and not an imagined role in his head

I struggle with the fear of being abandoned. Sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's gone. But it won't completely go away. So I tell myself, if a man can't handle this small negative part of me, paired with all of the good parts, then he's not worth my time. If I had a beautiful house but sometimes the neighbours were a bit noisy, would I just dump the entire house? No! I would be tolerant or befriend the neighbours and coexist in peace. Men's behaviour to lose interest entirely because you have occasional anxiety is childish and you don't need a man who acts like a child. You want a MAN that's gonna coexist in peace with your issues and values all the good things about you.

Do you even like them back?

I’d get out of my own head about whether they’ll lose interest or not and figure out if you’re actually compatible before becoming emotionally invested in how they feel about me.

This is the reason why I prefer -within reason- to be relatively open sooner than later (as an another poster said, my "normal self" rather than my "guarded self"). I don't want to internalize the idea that I'm wrong for being myself and nor should you. The sooner we find out a man's true nature, the better. I'd rather reject and being rejected right away than living a lie. Of course some things are way too sensitive to share with strangers, and we should always protect ourselves from predators first, but if I happen to be anxious I'd rather take one sarcastic remark so I know he's trash not to be seen again, rather than trying to live up to a tough exterior only to find out after I get attached that the man is with me because he sees me as emotional low mantainance. That's why I don't recommend the "playing tough" mode on steroids, it just doesn't weed out the true trash for me. However this can only succeed when you've reached a state of absolute self acceptance, meaning NOTHING a man can say can trigger shame. I had to contend with my vulnerable parts for so long that I am now extremely comfortable with them. I love them and I don't think they make me unlovable. So if a man tried to make me feel unlovable because, for instance, occasional anxiety, that would trigger zero shame in me and 100% repulsion for him. I understand this is not everyone's experience but since I reached this point through blood sweat and tears, I prefer to know sooner who I am dealing with under the surface.

So, to answer your question, the way not to internalize it, is learning to love and accept what you feel is weak and "unlovable" about you - in this case, anxiety. A big chunk of the power scrotes have over our inner world comes from shame and self-rejection. Once you work on that, it's way harder to take personally anything a scrote says or do. They just have nothing to latch onto.

By flipping the script and always keeping in your mind: is this guy good enough for ME?

Hard to get, harder to keep. Let that be your new mantra.

At some point I really internalized the idea that I hate, and I mean absolutely *hate*, avoidant men. Like, any sign of avoidance (not eagerly initiating messages/requests for points of contact, not being openly affectionate or excited, even just shifts in the energy etc.) makes me outright suspicious and resentful of them. At some point I just sort of basked in my hatred of avoidant men so much that sensing a man losing interest made me lose interest (in sort of the same way as finding out he cheated in the past or something - like it's such a sin that it makes me want nothing to do with him). I think after spending enough time on FDS you recognize that such behaviour from men really truly isn't driven by your faults (and I know on some level that sounds like cope to you but when you see story after story of moids doing this to women who are smarter, prettier, richer, more educated, and funnier than them, you can see with your own eyes that it has nothing to do with the woman) but instead by their fried dopamine receptors and shallow, fickle sensibilities.

It does make it a lot, lot harder to develop much of a romantic interest in most men, though.

Don't ever let your guard down until he's married you and has proven himself to be a good husband, and even then you must maintain frame. Falling in love in a luxury that no woman can afford. You must deal with men logically, or you will always lose. Men feel the shift in your energy, and they lose interest, because all they wanted to do was prove to themselves that they could get you to like them. They weren't in it for the long haul. Keep dating other men until you have a ring and a wedding date set. Love is a game to men. It always has been. Their feelings change faster than they change their underwear, so that's why you don't engage them with feelings. Men have to constantly earn your trust and love. A man must never feel like he's "got you," or he will start acting up. It's just how they are. Once he knows you like him, that's his signal to move onto "greener pastures," and then he'll return if the grazing isn't better in the other pasture with his other cows.

I suspect you're internalizing the lack of real interest because women are socialized 1) to blame themselves, and 2) to wrap up their identities in men liking them. If this is the case, then please read and re-read everyone's responses until those get internalized instead. Take screenshots and read them morning, afternoon and night and until you know men who genuinely like you won't lose interest.

i talk to multiple people at once and i kinda see who’s making more effort and planning dates. i’m not really dating right now though