How can I know if my standards are reasonable?

I want a guy who is HV who I feel an intense spark with. He doesn't have to look super attractive but I admire talented men.

You pretty much nailed it. Adding to this, they appear interesting as they have their own passions and love their jobs. So yes, in a way they are more appealing than men with jobs that pay extremely well but they hate their jobs. Yeah, I guess other women are drawn to men like that too. I know FDS tells us not to have a scarcity mindset but HVM are indeed a rarity and tend to be off the market quickly. I recently discovered I may be attracted to women besides just men. Should I date women instead of men? While queer women are a minority, I feel like the "competition" for finding a HV queer women is less than finding a HVM. However, I don't know how people I know will respond to me dating a woman. I feel like some of them will really dislike it and make things difficult for me.

Can I ask -- why are you in a rush to be in a relationship? You are still young, idk don't you want to enjoy your freedom more?

I feel like HVM are off the market quickly. Even some of the LVM I know have women pursuing them. I assume HVM will be even more popular around women. All the men I had crushes on are taken and I don't think this is a coincidence.

I also wonder if I had been too selective in the past. Some of the men who had pursued me seemed as decent as the men I had crushes on but the main difference is they lack their strong talent. Maybe if I ended up with them, I would be happier compared to dating my crushes if they liked me back.

They don't, but they should. I wholeheartedly agree that women's standards are usually way too low, that we need to think about our non-negotiable requirements and walk away at the first sign of them not being met. And yes, women question and second-guess themselves way too often. However, that shouldn't prevent us from thinking about our boundaries and where we want to allow flexibility. Boundaries that are too rigid come with their own pitfalls. Obviously they're not as dangerous as boundaries which are too loose, but they can lead to being judgemental and perpetually disappointed with every person you know. Ask me how I know 🤣 when discovering FDS, it's only normal to go from "my bar for men is in hell" to "I need to maximize for the best version of every tiny little detail". We definitely need to normalize that we don't need a "big" reason to reject a man, it can be something small that you just don't like. But I don't think we should emulate the dating strategy of LVM, which is to be extremely entitled and ungrateful. LVM are unable to be interested in / lose interest in amazing women for laughable reasons. We all know that path doesn't lead to long-term happiness, only a maximum of short-term pleasure (moving on to the next shiny thing when the old thing stops being nothing but 100% pure fun).

Surprise! High Value Men (and people) will look "boring" to you (if you still struggle with internal toxicity)

I had never dated before. I didn't know some of these men were taken beforehand. However, I wonder if I was drawn to them because I want who I can't have (similar to how a lot of men are drawn to women they can't have). Maybe I am drawn to the thrill of not knowing if these men liked me back. It is hard to tell. I don't have high physical standards but I I drawn to talented men and I think there are many other women with this preference too.

>If you aren't crazy about the guy he's not the one for you But isn't it better for the man to like the woman more than the other way around? >It's kind of a bare minimum that you actually like the man you date and find him attractive There were men who had pursued me who I liked and was attracted to but I just wasn't head over heels about them.

I was attracted to some of the men who had pursued me, so it's more like I just wasn't head over heels about them.