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Idk who needs to hear this but…my general advice, as a sporadic (likely fully ex) OLD user:
If you’re HV, you have some details in your profile pics/bio that show who you are- where you’ve been, where you go, what you love, what you do, what you believe in. These details give him something to work with, in terms of getting to know you as an actual person.
And if you met in person, surely there was some conversation, however brief, that would give him an inkling of who you are, or at least some memorable detail of your interaction.
In light of this, “Hi” and “Hey beautiful“, I’m sure you know is an instant unmatch/block. But I’m adding that any generic horseshit about how your day/week/weekend was, is, or will be (this excludes asking about something specific that was discussed prior that, again, relates to who you are) is also lazy and unacceptable as an opener. Unmatch/block. Men remember the details of sports stats going back decades, and the steps required to build or repair this or that piece of equipment. They can pick up on and later recall details, if they consider them important.
If he doesn’t do that when it comes to you, it’s because getting to know who you are is not important to him. That’s not how you want to start off. That’s the path towards the dreaded, dehumanizing relationship dynamic where he tunes you out, whenever you discuss details of your life that do not directly relate to his interests, akin to an appliance he wishes he could turn off when “it” is not communicating with respect to his personal tastes.
Being alone is better than finding your humanity rendered invisible by someone you love. Remember that the beginning is when he’s supposed to be on his best- if the best he can do is generic inquiries that spell out for you “I really don’t give a shit who you are”, it’s highly unlikely to improve.
It’s true. When I was on OK Cupid ages ago (around 2010/2011), I would get 3-5 paragraph essays from the guys who liked my profile that I ended up going on dates with. I think Tinder and other dating apps have completely changed the game with the chatting/messaging type features rather than the email/letter type format for introducing yourself.
Agreed. What I would also look out for and instantly block and delete are generic, impersonal messages that put the burden of starting a conversation on you, fake empathize and try to push you into meeting in person immediately. I mean examples like:
"Hi, I'm Bob. You are so pretty and sound like a great person in your profile! I don't really like texting and find it kind of impersonal, don't you? I prefer to get to know someone face to face, so how about we exchange numbers/go for coffee this weekend? Here's my number:... Of course I'd totally understand if you are concerned about meeting a stranger in person these days, so please feel free to ask me any questions you want first to confirm I'm not a serial killer, haha..."
Yeah... nope. You can bet he sent that to every single woman he matched with.
That being said: Bad spelling and grammar (in my/our native language, which is not English... before someone laughs at me for making mistakes myself) are also an instant block and delete for me. It's either a lack of education (no thanks) or effort (there are so many ways to spellcheck these days) or both.