Help with self worth

They don't reach out because they aren't interested. This has zero reflection on you or your worth. FDS gospel teaches us 'if he wanted to, he would' and don't reach out first. Let him chase to prove his interest with effort. In my experience, guys are immediately disinterested by someone their mom approves of. There's nothing you did wrong and you're not at fault.

As someone who grew up with religion, I can tell you church is full of not great guys. They weren't nice, they just knew how to hide it under religion. You'll likely have better luck meeting people on your level at clubs and activities. I think you'll have a blast and meet new people by moving into new circles. Next time someone tells you about their amazing son, just reply, "He sounds lovely, he can give me a call sometime" and let him make the moves.

It sounds like you are coming off as the pursuer by initiating texts. If these guys need their family to introduce you to them, they are probably not catches. I get that it's a cultural thing, but any guy worth their salt is going to make you feel treasured and worth their time.

He probably knows that you can be reeled in easily anytime, so there's a very good chance he will not step it up. And he will also easily make you the bad person if you stand your ground. Church guys are super 🤡 in my experience atleast. You will HAVE to be strong and make decisions which might feel difficult. But I promise you, it is super liberating when you make it even once. All the best :)

Is it possible maybe these guys are hearing that you're not single (since you haven't broken up with your bf)?

It's also possible that the mom/grandmas are thinking "I want (son) to be with a woman like that!" but he's still in fuckboy mode and not even wanting to be set up.

In the future, if you're approached, give your info to them rather than taking the man's. Because then if he's interested he'll be the one taking the initiative.

But in either case, you should break up if you're unhappy! You can't find someone new if you're dating someone already.

If this hasn't happened yet, dump your POS boyfriend, first of all. Second, never text a man first. This is just one of FDS's cardinal rules and it's done out of the respect and self preservation for the woman. If a man really likes you, believe you me, he WILL find a way to contact you no matter what obstacles face his way.

Third, I think it's time to take a sabbatical from dating and relationships. The cure to loneliness is, ironically, solitude. There's a difference between the two. When you learn to rely on yourself, and hear the sound of your soul during the quietest moments during the days and nights when you're in your own home with nobody around.. when you learn the beauty of yourself and fall in love with yourself, you can prevent from falling into yet another toxic relationship.

I see myself in you when I was younger. I chased and really tried to make things happen with the men I wanted and it never worked out in my favor. Society will pat me on the back and tell me to just keep trying, but I know better now. And I hope you learn better soon, too. ❤️

Is this an arranged marriage sort of thing? I know that Indian parents do a similar thing (introducing you to guys by vetting his family and socioeconomic background and interacting with his parents). In that context too, you have to be extra cautious about ever doing any pursuing (e.g. messaging/calling/texting first, initiating moves to more serious forms of communication and intimacy etc.). A lot of these guys are on their way to being incompetent 35 year olds nobody would date who don't know how to take care of themselves, so naturally their parents are really eager to set them up. *They*, however, aren't actually interested in either dating at all or just assume that if their parents want to set them up with someone she must be frumpy/boring. So, their lack of interest isn't really a comment on you but instead just a symptom of the context in which you're meeting.

You'd probably need to go out there and meet guys yourself (and be super, super cautious not to be the pursuer) if you want to meet the sort of guys who are really into you. I understand the downside though - the pool of men you meet might be less well-off or vetted than ones your parents meet (e.g. I don't know any doctors personally but obviously my parents could use their brown-people-network to hook me up with doctors). But in addition to a decent family background and money, you do need a guy to be actually into you, and you can never be sure he will unless you refuse to do the pursuing.

I feel you with your comment and I do relate to some of the things you’ve mentioned. First off, moms/grandmas noticing you and wanting you for your son/grand son most often comes from selfish reasons. They see that you’re an amazing women and selfishly want you to be with them. It’s not completely bad but most of these men can come from “‘mom/women in my life do everything” and the moms/women want another person to “fulfill that role”.

Like everyone mentioned it is SO important not to be the pursuer and to cautious when these moms reach out to you. Just sound cordial like and more curious. “Hmm okay what is he like? What does he do?” “Do you have a picture of him? And then if the mom/grandma keeps pestering they want to meet you and If he sounded good and you liked the picture. Then say, “Thank you. He sounds interesting from what you’ve described. He can give me a call sometime”. And you give your number NEVER reach out and allow him to message you and text you. And if you start talking with the guy show that you’re very cautious. If he ask . You have to be ready to cordially end it if you find that he isn’t the one for you.

Personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong with meeting a man at church as long as he approaches YOU. If you haven’t yet listen to the flirting episode on FDS just to learn how to “drop the handkerchief” through smiling, giving the opportunity to approach you. See if your church holds any public events or any religious events that are interesting to you and attend. This allows you to widen your circle and be able to meet more people. Can make more female friends and also find your HVM through these networks. Also join any hobbies/activities, city events, weddings, engagement parties. Anything that allows your network to grow.

Recently I had a man ask me out on a date though knowing a mutual older couple that attends a new church I started going to. It’s a bit of story (and the timing of learning FDS couldn’t of been any better) but what I liked about this situation is there was concrete examples of his character and slightly more vetted as we have mutual connection (still vetting him but he had a leg up given the referral source). And this has been a great experience of being able to see pursuit in action and putting into practice all the stuff I’ve learned in FDS ❤️