Has anyone met a man willing to wait to have sex with you under your terms?

Don't tell men about your standards. Just do your thing and observe. Anyway, I knew a man who was willing to wait, but it turned out he was a porn addict. He just needed his porn, he couldn't care less about a real woman.

Yes, my current boyfriend, and it’s one of the reasons I’m with him. I used to not value myself enough and I would follow the “three-date rule.” After finding FDS and being celibate for over a year, I was not in a rush to start being physically intimate with anyone. My boyfriend properly courted me (first time I had high enough standards to find a man who would treat me this well), didn’t even go for a first kiss until a month in, and was pleasantly surprised when I expressed that I was ready for physical intimacy after dating for several months. I was actually baffled by his lack of sexual initiation because I had never experienced a man assuming that I would make it known when I was ready for sex. His patience, generosity, respectfulness, and care for me are all still qualities I appreciate in him, which were all on display in how he treated me as a woman he was romantically interested in during the courting phase. And we have a loving and fulfilling sex life. My key takeaways from my past and current relationships are to keep your standards high (but don’t explain them), don’t tolerate men being aggressive or whiny when they want intimacy (immediately dump and block/delete), don’t tolerate even a hint of them watching porn, and embrace being single and celibate (while regularly self-pleasuring for your own mood and satisfaction). When you don’t settle for a pushy, foul LVM, that leaves you open to being pursued by a respectful HVM, even if it takes years. FDS skews toward a bleak outlook on men, but there are good men out there, and it’s possible to be happy with either a HVM or being single, while it’s impossible to be happy and safe with an LVM.

Yes. My current partner. I didn’t announce the timeline, just waited, and he was patient. I followed FDS to see if he could make me orgasm without using his penis first—and I asked him to be tested for everything under the sun too. He did it gladly; it would have been a red flag had he balked. We had sex after six months. We’ve been together a little over two years now. He also cut off all women that were ‘circling’ after our second date (he didn’t tell me this until last year).

The quickest way to find out if a man sees you a whole human worth knowing or a convenient hole to finish in is to not give him a convenient hole to finish in. The sad fact is if they all see us as the latter we have bigger problems than dating.

Indeed, I have. Thankfully. Another coercive man pestering me for sex would have made me celibate for good. There are men that have not yet been ruined, but they are few and far between. My partner has, over the past year, never complained once or made any sort of negative comment about our extremely slow pace in the physical department. I was extremely attracted to him from the start and my horniness was off the charts (still is lol), but I knew I had to heal emotionally and feel nothing but 100% safety to be able to enjoy sex. Now, after almost a year of dating, we've worked our way up to oral and manual sex (which he does very skillfully), no PIV yet (that's my biggest hurdle). He has been happy with everything we did so far, even when we were still at dry humping like teenagers. He enjoys loving and vanilla sex, he can come after 5 minutes of gentle handjob, no porn moves necessary. No pressure to "perform". He will go down on me and expect nothing in return. I've stopped in the middle of steamy make out sessions where he was extremely horny and he never even made a disappointed face. He truly doesn't act like I owe him anything. I feel so at ease with him. Men like this exist. Don't settle for less, especially when you've had a complicated sexual history.

One of my last attempts to "date" someone I was interested in ended in him not being interested in any sort of exclusivity because ... his words "I like to keep my options open". 🤢 That made me feel so sick. I told him that is dehumanizing and I am not going to be your flavor of the week. He continued to text me to "check in and say hi" every 3 weeks like clock work for a few months. Classic bread crumbing, lowest effort possible too. I finally was short with him one day and he never messaged me again. Like ok dude, I'm a real fucking person and you can't handle that? Be gone scrote! He's definitely a community dick type and I see that now. Probably addicted to porn. His apartment was that of a 19 year old college scrote, mind you we were in our 30's at the time. I need to squeegee this from my memory! *shivers*.

That's what I'm worried about considering I still am one. I want to be completely comfortable and trust him. They say you should wait 3 months, but for me it's going to take much longer than than.

Ladies, this nothing new. Very old tactics. Be happy that he leaves. This is good, IMO. No time wasted.

As for the love bombing YOU SHOULD LEAVE at the first sign. Let them assume you are a virgin and run.

In the last five years... nope. 2 of my exes were willing to wait until commitment (actually they were the ones who would suggest it). It has gotten worse, hasn't it?

No. Shows how gross they all are. One of them even made a negative remark regarding it recently.

Yes. It helps to be very bitchy about it imo.

I've never had sex except after establishing exclusivity first and dating for 3-4 months at least. The longest was one year, that was in my first relationship when I was still a virgin at 21, we spent months doing other things first. My last two relationships were in the past 5 years, so yes, it's still possible!

Nope, never. Hence hardly dated in my life.

Yes and he still turned out to be a scrote

I would rather them leave and not waste my time and try to change my mind which is not happening.

yes but they're rare

I think anyone who is looking for one partner to be close with, is going to be willing to get to know someone they are interested in without sex. If you’re thinking long term then not having sex doesnt matter. If someone is looking for a marathon over a sprint they will take a different approach. The other category is someone putting no thought into it and just going with the flow Which I think accounts for the majority of situations actually. However you don’t run marathons by accident and I’m convinced a man needs to be clear he is looking for a lasting relationship with one woman he can be close with to be a good partner regardless. It takes a lot to cultivate and sustain a relationship. going with the flow wont really cut it so a man needs to be thoughtful about what his own intentions are.

I was with a guy who seemed like he was willing to wait as long as I needed.

Turned out he was secretly having sex with multiple people behind my back to satisfy his “needs”

Most men are slaves to their lust. A man will pretend to be sympathetic and claim to be willing to wait but then find other outlets like cheating/watching porn.

Internally he secretly resents the woman he’s expected to wait on.

nope. never ever ever.