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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
“Relationships are hard” is a myth spread by pickmes who find validation in struggle love.
Relationships are hard, in that they are not effortless. But anything we do in life, that is worthwhile, is hard.
Going to school and getting a solid education is hard. Getting a good job and keeping your skills up to date is hard. Maintaining your health is hard, especially under stress. Going to the gym and eating healthy is hard, especially since you have to do it every single day.
It’s all about your attitude. You can say things are hard and lay in bed all day, until you develop bed sores. Or you can get off your ass and try to make effort towards something in life, because anything that is worth doing is “hard”, as in it requires having awareness, making choices and putting in effort.
In my opinion, relationships are easier than work, education and health/fitness. If you find someone you’re compatible with, who has values, similar goals, who respects you and loves you— it makes life easier, not harder. You now have a solid emergency contact, someone who would not only pick up if the hospital calls, but sit next to you in the ICU. Life also gets cheaper— no need to have separate housing, cars, separate everything. You also have a companion, in a world where genuine friendship is becoming increasingly difficult to find. Society also still favors couples over singles, and you get social benefits from partnership.
Even when you’re facing a health issue, financial difficulty or crisis of some sort— if you are partnered well, being in a relationship is supposed to make difficult days easier, not harder.
People say “relationships are hard” because they are in shitty relationships, and they are too in denial to see that for what it is.
Pickmes love to glorify struggle relationships, it makes them think their love is deeper for it. It makes them feel better about their choices. And that would be fine, if they believed their own relationship was hard, and had some awareness and objectivity, but they try to drive down other women’s expectations and standards with this.
The craziest part is they don’t really believe their own bullshit. They just say that to distract themselves, to feel better about their choices.
For example, if I think going to medical school is too hard, I’m not going to apply to medical school because I know that it’s too hard. Or if I think running a marathon is too hard, I’m not going to run a marathon. I’m just not going to waste my time with things that are too difficult. Why bother getting married or getting into relationships, if you think they are too hard?
They think there is some consolation prize, that they will one day be rewarded for all of their “sacrifice”.
“Relationships are hard” can be translated into “I don’t love myself enough to be in a relationship worth having.”
The handbook posts project.
"Pickmes love to glorify struggle relationships, it makes them think their love is deeper for it. " While this is true, let me offer some nuance: toxic relationships with lots of struggle and cycles of vicious fights and sweet makeups DO reel you in emotionally in a way that makes the relationship feel profound and more "real". To distance yourself from that is somewhat like battling a drug addiction. I don't blame women for being "pick-mes" in that regard. I was in the same situation, and I was not trying to bring other women down by romanticizing my own struggle, in fact, I'd advise other women to break up over far less than what I was enduring. Everyone thinks their relationship is special, and when you're in a toxic/codependent relationship, that shit gets dialed up to 11. Stepping away from something like that is some of the most emotionally taxing thing one can do.
This is exactly why I have strict criteria for a man and always swipe left if they're not met. He has to make my life easier!
In addition, education and career might be hard but so rewarding. If your relationship is not rewarding, it's not worth it.