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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
The real reason why LVM want to go Dutch and why they prefer drink dates over meal dates.
It's not about money.
It's about control.
They want to set the tone for the date, to manage your expectations, to have an upper hand over you.
Why?
1) Meal dates are viewed as romantic, in a traditional and cultural sense.
They want you to know that they have no romantic intentions. They won't be honest and forthcoming about it, because they need to screen for women with low standards. They're looking for something specific-- a woman who wants a romantic relationship, but is too vapid and/or self-loathing to demand one.
2) Meal dates are not necessarily more expensive than drink dates.
Cocktails can be $10-15+, and if you have 1-2 drinks, this can easily cost the same as a meal at an inexpensive ethnic restaurant, a cute pizza or burger place, or at a mid-priced restaurant. Lunch menus are even less expensive.
There are tons of cool little restaurants, ethnic places, etc that serve very affordable meals. Going to a restaurant doesn't mean that you're going to a steakhouse or a 5 star restaurant. For fuck's sake, most bars (even dive bars) also serve food. So it's not about money, or about food.
It's about ALCOHOL and CONTROL. They use the alcohol as a tool to get you to lose your inhibitions, and they manage your expectations by keeping the upper hand over you.
3) They want you to drink, because they want to lower your inhibitions.
They've probably had experience with alcohol + women = leading to more sex. They know what they are doing.
4) Some will ask you to a drink date, but will pay.
It doesn't mean they are not LVM, they have just not sunk low enough to expect a woman to go Dutch when they're trying to get her drunk to fuck her. There are different shades of LVM-- they're all terrible, but some have more audacity than others.
5) Coffee dates-- I'll throw in my 2 cents about that too while we're here. Men who do coffee dates tend to be more nerdy, unassuming, have dad bods or poor social skills etc.
A lot of them are broke too. They're doing the numbers game thing. Expect to have a bad experience with coffee dates-- coffee date men tend to have bad social skills. And since the 1st date was coffee, expect the 2nd to be a Netflix & chill invite or at best, a drinks date at a dive bar/similar. If you want a really scrubby type of guy, where you have to wipe his ass for him, teach him social etiquette-- go for coffee dates.
6) Last but not least-- LVM rage out at women who want meal dates, because they're enraged by our awareness and perception of their nature and methodology.
They hate that we know what they are doing, that we know their game better than them, that we know what their intentions are, and most of of all, they hate that we are warning other women about them. They make it about money, when it's really about control.
The handbook posts project.
SPOT ON‼️ I don't drink coffee or alcohol anyway so it's easy for me to decline, but I don't tell them that. Instead, I tell them I'm not looking for professional connections over coffee or bar crawling friends. I haven't yet insinuated he's too poor or financially struggling and thus has no business dating, but it's been so tempting!