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Conversation with this man through text started respectfully. Second day he called me and asked me out for dinner. He lives an hour away so he booked at a very fine restaurant in my town during the day I'm available (yesterday) and confirmed with me the night before.
He asked me if I would like him to pick me up and I said that I will meet him there as I have an errand to run. We met at the restaurant around 8pm.
He is attractive, tall and fit which is up my alley. Similar culture and religion so there was an understanding there automatically which was helpful.
Now comes dinner, it was comfortable and we had few laughs and talked about our day, work, etc. he has a minor in philosophy 🙄 and majored in computer science. He works as a successful contractor for a major bank and also opened his own construction company. Those were all great ... however, he was boosting his own ego a lot during dinner and I was just listening. He would ask me questions and wanted to get to know about me more but I also felt he was talking about how he is working so hard for himself to be sharp in order to be a good value person then mentioned a dark phase in his life where he was depressed (back at Uni) and almost got expelled for partying too much bla bla and that was a rock bottom for him to pick himself up and study hard and focus on himself.
I continued the dinner cause it was one of my fav places and I was enjoying my food plus it wasn't too bad so I figured let's see what else comes out of him. At this point I was just playing a game of vetting to understand more as I lost interest already but FDS rules were in my mind the whole time.
We finished dinner, he picked up the bill happily and wanted to walk me to my car. We talked a bit on the way and he is intelligent and knows a lot plus we also work in Tech so we can easily talk about our fields.
He tried to touch my hands and I didn't like that so I said no and I pushed it away. He talked about what he likes to do and how he meditates and does therapy all the time then mentioned the show house of dragons and that he plays video games some nights ding ding ding 🛎 🚩 🚩
When we got to my car he asked for a hug, I didn't want to hug him. I gavw him a formal handshake and said it was nice to meet you, thank you for dinner and have a great night.
I didn't message him or anything after. Next day he asked when can he see me again before he goes on vacation Monday. I said unfortunately im not available and I hope he enjoys his vacation. He said thank you, I will be thinking about you then said where is my kiss? 🤢 🤢
So ofc I didn't respond. Blocked him and deleted him then I reported him on the app.
Ew ... 😏 but I'm happy I'm vetting and learning from FDS.
Good for you keeping the FDS rules in mind! First red flag: Oversharing!! He doesn't need to be telling you about his dark past on a first date.
And ew, his comments about "thinking about you" and "where's my kiss?" This guy is probably a psycho. lol. Good riddance.
Excellent field report, comrade! Very solid vetting strategy and I’m glad you didn’t let him push your boundaries. I, too, hate physical contact beyond a handshake in the early stages. He’s still a bloody stranger, hands off mate!
He sounds like a drug addict in recovery from what you’ve described. Like hardcore into self-development, no sense of a balanced lifestyle, overcompensating for time wasted on abusing drugs and destroying his body/life.
matrixed the hell out of that bullet! great job 💪🏻
Yes, date to eliminate.
I really like the way you wrote your post because I could myself in your shoes and at the end think about what I would have done. If I’m being honest, I missed a few flags in there and personally probably would have justified one more date to myself “just to be sure he’s not actually a great guy who was just nervous and overshared”. If FDS published a red flag workbook of reports like this that allowed you to identify the red flags with an answer key in the back, I would definitely spend money on it and recommend to my friends and teenage nieces especially. A lot of us have been kept naive or have been willfully blind. Maybe I just don’t understand social interaction as well as the average woman but a book of case studies would really be cool and helpful. Because these guys all use the same playbook but with their own fucked up spin to confuse you. Our collective red flag experiences would probably reveal a lot of patterns and data. We’re not bigger or stronger or more politically or financially more powerful so we NEED to be smarter than them. It truly is like fighting an asymmetric war.
Amazing vetting and it is so great that you trusted your intuition, recognized the red flags and followed through with ending it! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 This was so helpful seeing FDS principles being implemented in the wild. If you don’t mind answering how did y’all meet and how did he initially approach you and contact you? I’m curious to also learn how you approached this prior to having the 1st date
Thank you for sharing. This is incredibly instructive.
Love this 🥰🥰
Idk hey, he seems ok
Except for the where is my kiss part