Guy asked for coffee date as 2nd date after ghosting

I wouldn't bother. He's breadcrumbing you and using you as a second option. I'm guessing he didn't even bother to give you a half assed reason for ghosting you for four months. You're worth more than that! Why do you need him to take you to nice places anyway? Why not arrange a day out with some female friends instead? I'm sorry but your therapist sounds like a pickme. It might be worth looking at some other therapists instead. In other words, if he wanted to, he would (4 months ago). Block and delete!

Change the therapist and block the scrote.

to him, your time is equivalent to a cup of coffee. take that however you'd like. also yes, dump that therapist too when you can. they're not empowering you with the right mindset.

Nahh, he ghosted you and is now suggesting a coffee date after having one nice dinner... four months ago. Trust your gut. If you want a man to have fun with then you also should choose one that is respectful of you and values your time and company. It's not this one.

Side note - if you want to have fun being taken on nice dates with men, have at it. I would just caution that there’s no free lunch. They almost always will want something - sex, a relationship, your emotional energy, validating their ego, etc. Ask me how I know. So tread carefully, and keep other options open for fun that don’t include going on dates with men.

I bet he didn't even read your article.

4 months ago?! There’s no excuse. He’s not that into you. Men wouldn’t let their dream girl go.

I would be very wary of a therapist who suggested that. It is not "fun" to go out with a low value man who ghosted you for four months... that's way beneath your standards. My guess is that what has happened is that he was seeing other women when you were first dating and he dumped you for one of them, without even having the good grace to tell you. Now that hasn't worked out, he's circling previous dates like the shark he is in the hope that he'll get a bite. As for finding him attractive, if only that was all it took... looks fade but a kind heart and good morals do not. Even if he was offering you a fine dining meal, it doesn't excuse his appalling manners and arrogance. Block him.

He sounds like the kind of guy that will hit you up when he's bored or mess with your head.

Sack the therapist and trust your gut. This man is crap, cheap and flaky and there are plenty others you could be having fun with. Forget he even exists, sis.

Oh and get a new therapist who knows what they're talking about.

Why subject yourself to this low effort? If you continue dating him I suggest dating other men as well. Otherwise the main energy you feel coming from men will be the energy of doubt about your worth

He ghosted you to give you time to marinate in "What Did I Do Wrong? Land" before making another appearance in your life. This is a narcissistic male tactic where they know a girl is too good for them and has high standards, so they know they have to hurt her to bring her down to a level where she'll be vulnerable to him. He's even offering you a coffee date which is another bar lowering effort. He's hoping he's given you enough time to lower your standards so that you'll sleep with him for no effort. He's doing the same to other women and has you all on a rotation. Don't fall for it. Men in NYC know there are far more single women than men there and that men have the advantage as women become desperate for male companionship. This happened to me with my last date in Manhattan. Our 2nd date he proposed was to come to my place to drop off some d1ck, and I politely declined saying I didn't know him well enough for that, and he ghosted me. Came back 4 months later. I didn't answer. Another guy from DC did the same thing to me last year...came back 4 months after ghosting me for the holidays. It's a move to chop you down. Don't let them. They're only gonna hurt you.

I cannot believe your therapist would give you such poor counsel! Wow. I have lived in NYC and if anything the options are endless. It’s definitely not some rural village with only two eligible men. Men in NYC in my experience never hesitated to pay and you will get many more dinner dates if that’s what you want. Even if you don’t want marriage, you still deserve high quality experiences.

the others are right, he is breadcrumbing you. think about it this way - why would he ignore you for 4 months and then suddenly appear out of nowhere? my first thought was he ghosted you because he found someone else he liked better but now that things aren't working out, he put out the meme as a feeler to see if you're still an option for him. Also, with all that time - who else could he have put out the bait for before texting you? IMO better to just block and delete.

I know you said he's attractive, and I understand where you're coming from - you were happy because you liked the validation he gave you. He's attractive, but what else? You sent him something nice about yourself that you did and instead of responding to it he ignored you. For 4 months. Only to come back with no apology, but a meme and some cheap coffee.

When you start to focus on yourself a lot of men will come out of the woodwork with bait. Be careful not to fall into their trap. Dick is abundant and low value. When you find someone attractive that you click with somewhat, it's easy to create this fantasy idea around them and fall in love with this idea of what *could* happen, but you should remember to focus on what *did* happen. Do not give men who are immature enough to ghost you the time of day. Even if he came back with a fancy date and an apology, the fact that he ghosted you is a warning sign that he is not mature enough to give you a simple "sorry, I'm not interested". The man who ghosts is a man who can not be honest with you or himself about his emotions.

No, it doesn't matter what his motivations are, don't make excuses for a man. You judge him by his actions, and he ghosted. You block him after he does one transgression.

Don’t bother. Also, when a guy doesn’t respond after 3 days just block and delete him. He’s not interested and he’s not worth your time or effort. Especially when he comes back with a coffee “date.” Bleh. I’d be insulted ngl. I’d suggest a new therapist, too, cuz yours seems hellbent on you wasting your time over loser men. Have fun, yes, but that requires the men to actually be worthwhile. If he can’t even manage a text back I don’t see why you’d waste your time. You’d be better off focusing on your education rather than some scrote.

He disappeared for 4 months because he wasn't into you, so he tried to date other women. After 4 months of no success, he reached out to you (and all the other women from his past) to see who'd take the bait.

Change your therapist please. And you should have blocked him 4 months ago.

You say you're not really experienced at detecting men's BS, but you did quite well here, actually. It feels low effort because it IS low effort. It feels like he downgraded you because he did. He ghosted you to date other women and it didn't work out with any of them, so he's come back to you to have fun before he's off to the next one. If he was serious about you, he wouldn't have ghosted, and he wouldn't be coming back now to take you to coffee.

Your therapist is wrong. He's not going to take you out to dinner, and even if he did, why would you waste your time and get your hopes up on a man who's already made clear he doesn't see a future with you?

Listen, if you have to overthink an interaction with a man you don't even know, he's not the one. Worse, you don't wanna let tirekickers come in and wreck your self-esteem with false promises. There's an actual cost to allowing a man in when you've already realized he's a bad fit - one you'll pay via therapy bills, STD checkups, or a broken heart.

Focus on grad school and other fun things. Your therapist is misguided ... as are frankly most people who don't follow FDS and think we live in a magical feminist utopia.

The therapist words sound like they're implying just "let him do x and y with you" under the assumption it's always going to be fun n games... a win for you, but it's not a W if it includes getting ghosted n curbed. That guy sounds like he just has a list of women he texts including you to fill up his schedule.

I had same thing happen to me with a guy and it's not worth spending your emotions worrying about it.